


The Best Laid Plans

by Chipper99



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: AU Where Kylo and Ren Are Pretend Fighting, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Based on a Tumblr Post, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Kinda Rise Of Skywalker Spoilers, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Redemption, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Protective Kylo Ren
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-11-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:53:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 80,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23221270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chipper99/pseuds/Chipper99
Summary: Kylo dipped his head with a deep, sad-sounding sigh, and for the first time since they last connected through the bond, she could see just how vulnerable he was. He slowly raised his head to lock eyes with her, and with just one look she could feel just how tired he was right now. Tired of their situation, perhaps. Tired of their constant squabbling, knowing that he’ll once again have to keep on guard, ready for whenever the Force decides it wanted to connect their minds once more.“I don’t want to kill you,” Kylo spoke so softly, she nearly missed it. “Not since that night on Illum.”And, for some reason, she believed him.- - -Based on a twitter post on a tumblr post, requesting an AU where Kylo and Rey have to fake fight in front of the First Order.* * CURRENTLY ON MINOR HIATUS * *
Relationships: Kylo Ren & Rey, Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 62
Kudos: 209
Collections: Ijustfellintothissendhelp





	1. The Unwanted Visitor

**Author's Note:**

> This was going to be a one-shot kind of thing, but oh well. Multi-Chapter it is!

It had begun with an agreement.

An agreement that would never have been forged, if it wasn't for this... _connection_ , that somehow existed between them.

Leia had been surprisingly understanding, at the time. Possibly one of the only ones that understood her reasoning, her sudden urge to isolate herself once more.

After all, she had spent most of her life alone. It was only natural that, in these times of panic and uncertainty, her reaction was to flee to the furthest reaches of the Galaxy.

Perhaps Leia could see it in her face when she had returned from the Supremacy. Or perhaps she sensed it, had known it somehow. Rey wouldn't put it past the General to know more than she lets on...

Rey's sure Leia could tell, the second she caught sight of her, that she would have to let her go. Let her find her own way through this mess. For if she didn't, there would be no doubt that Rey would one day be gone, with or without her permission. It's like they say, no animal is more dangerous than one that's been caged...

"There's something there... Something inside me, that knows this isn't the place to be." Rey had tried to explain to the General.

"...Within the resistance?" Leia had asked so timidly and, for the first time, that weary worried look she had seen in the older woman's eyes were directed at her.

"No! No, not as in _with_ the resistance, but _within_ , as in... I..." Rey shook her head as she let out a tired sigh, her explanation not coming out of her mouth quite as well as it had been in her head. "I still believe in this; In the mission, in the light, the Jedi, but... I just need some time to figure out where _I_ belong amongst all of this."

For a moment, the General just looked up at her. Studied her, was more accurate. Her eyes scanned across Rey's face, searching deep for any bit of information she could find. With a somewhat painful jolt, Rey had recognized that same searching look on another's. Although his method of prying information had been a lot more... Unpleasant.

"You really feel like you need to do this, don't you?" Leia had asked softly.

"I do," Rey responded just as gently. "I really do."

"I just wish this was something you could do _here_. Surrounded by those that care about you. There's no better reminder of the light than that which exists amongst the people."

"I won't be gone forever." Rey had assured her. "This isn't like before. I know I have something to come back to. _Friends_ to come back to."

"No," Leia said firmly, shaking her head at Rey's words. " _Family_. You have _family_ to come back to."

Rey smiled at her words, the sentiment of them lighting a warmth within her chest.

"Thank you." She said with as much sincerity as she could.

"Don't thank me yet," Leia told her with a knowing smile. "We'll see how your tune changes when I have to tell every one of your plans. Trust me, your _family_ is going to put up one hell of a fight about this."

And oh, how Leia had been right...

"I'm sorry?" Poe said, confusing Rey immensely by digging a finger vigorously into his ear. "I must have damaged my hearing in that last fight, because it _almost_ sounded like you said you were _willingly_ going to... Oh, where is that place again, Finn?"

Poe had turned to face Finn next to him, who stood ramrod straight with an equally stunned and, partly horrified, expression.

"Oh right, that's it!" Poe continued, snapping his fingers sharply. "That island on a planet in the middle of nowhere that barely anyone knows how to get to!"

While Poe's reaction had been a bit more... Wordy, Finns was... Well, a bit less...

"No."

"Finn..."

"Mm-hm" Finn had hummed low, shaking his head. "Nuh-uh. Nope."

Rey couldn't help but smile fondly at the memory of her closest friend's reaction. While it was awful to know he was under such distress, it was comforting to know that he _genuinely_ cared about her, and that he didn't like the thought of her not being around. She supposed it was just nice to know she would be missed...

Ahch-To was just as refreshing as the first time she had stepped foot on the island. The lush grass under her feet was just as soft and vibrant as ever, happy with its access to the planets constant rotation of bright sunlight that shone down with a gentle warmth, and its restoring rainfall, that of which its chilly droplets pricked at her face as she climbed up the same, exhausting steep mountainous landscape of this beautiful place.

She hadn't been here long, before. Certainly not as long as she had lived in Jakku, and yet, coming back here felt a lot like... Coming home. A lot more than returning to Jakku _ever_ would.

The island wasn't without its pains, however. Most particularly, had been of her master. The loss of his force signature seemed to leave a giant hole, one that seemed unrepairable. Even now, as she studies the Jedi texts that Master Luke had been working on, she finds herself standing, ready to go to his hut and ask for his advice, only to be hit with the painful reminder of his fate.

The island didn't just cause emotional problems, but physical ones, too. The biggest of which: Food. It wasn't like it was on the Resistance base, where she had begun to adjust to the idea that food was no longer something to be worried about. It was different now, now that her instinct for survival had kicked back in. Back on Jakku, the idea of _looking_ for food was downright laughable. Not much lived to _hunt_ in a scorching desert, and not much grew there either.

No, if Rey wanted to eat, she would have to search for something else. Something deemed much more valuable; Scrap Parts

Now, on this island, there was no middle man, nothing to trade for, and nothing for her _to_ trade. If she wanted food, she would have to _search_ for the food that the island could provide to her.

There was once such food source that was plentiful, living within an environment that covered most of this planet. An environment she was so very unfamiliar with... And as such, she was still rather unsure what to think of the odd creature that, not too long ago, had flailed its scaly tail weakly in an attempt to escape the spear that had pierced through its side.

Rey's face twisted in disgust as she slid a knife along the fish's belly, pulling the animals sides open and holding back a gag as she reached a hand in, grabbing hold of the deceased creature's insides and pulling them out, wincing at the wet slapping sound as they slipped off the carved stone table of her new hut and onto the rocky floor.

"I hope you taste better than you smell..." Rey murmured to herself as she worked, shoving her hands in once more.

"Would you believe me if I said it does?”

Rey's heart jumped into her throat at the voice, yanking her hand out of the fish's body so fast that it sent the animals corpse flying to the floor. Her bloodied hands reached for Luke's saber, cursing silently in her head when she remembered how it had been split in half in their previous fight. Mere seconds later, she's summoning her staff into her hands, whirling around to face an intruder she knows should not be here. Not when she had worked so tirelessly to block him out.

Kylo once again donned his mask, the one she had seen him without for so long now. Although, now, the helmet had vivid red lines streaking across its sleek black surface, bursts of crimson lightning surrounding his face. Even though she couldn’t see his face, she could just tell his eyes were trained on the staff she held in her hands.

“Are you going to kill me with that?” His robotic voice filtered through his mask as he nodded towards her weapon.

“If I have to.” Rey spat back in retaliation, wringing her hands around the worn surface of her staff’s handle. “What are you doing here?”

“You know as much as I do that I can’t control this,” Kylo answered. “The force seems to connect us whenever it desires.”

“But why _now._ Why after so many months of _nothing._ ”

“I don’t know,” Kylo replied curtly, sounding like he hated the fact that he didn’t.

Rey narrowed her eyes suspiciously at his answer, ignoring the nagging feeling that surrounded her that she should be relaxed in his presence, fighting against her survival instincts to always be on guard and ready to fight against such an uncontrollable threat. She let her eyes scan across the blank and expressionless mask, knowing he was probably donning the same expression underneath.

“The mask is back to stay, then?” Rey asked, taking a cautious step back from him, comforted by the feeling of the stone hut against her back.

“I’ve found my people are more receptive to me when I have the mask.”

“You mean terrified of you?”

“Is there a difference?”

Rey didn’t respond to that, instead choosing to tighten her grip even further around her weapon.

Kylo watched her for a moment before he slowly reached up with his leather-clad hands, wrapping them around the sides of his helmet and pulling it up off his head with a hiss of air. He gave a slight flip of his hair as he pulled the helmet off, before lowering himself down on what Rey could only assume was either a seat or perhaps even his bed wherever he was.

“Could you put that down?” Kylo asked as his eyes flicked back up to her staff, his words now sounding a lot more kinder and human, now he was rid of his mask.

“And give you a chance to kill me when I’m defenseless?”

Kylo dipped his head with a deep, sad-sounding sigh, and for the first time since they last connected through the bond, she could see just how vulnerable he was. He slowly raised his head to lock eyes with her, and with just one look she could feel just how _tired_ he was right now. Tired of their situation, perhaps. Tired of their constant squabbling, knowing that he’ll once again have to keep on guard, ready for whenever the Force decides it wanted to connect their minds once more.

“I don’t want to kill you,” Kylo spoke so softly, she nearly missed it. “Not since that night on Illum.”

And, for some reason, she believed him.

Not that she could let him know that.

“Am I supposed to take your word for that?”

Kylo’s tired face turned to a frown, his forehead creasing in annoyance at her words.

“All I ever wanted was for you to join me, to be by my side.” Kylo began his side of the argument. “If you’ll remember, _I_ was the one that saved your life. And your way of thanks was to try and snatch my Uncles saber from my side while I was-“

Kylo suddenly stopped talking, his mouth snapping shut as his frown deepened even further at what he was about to say. His eyes continued to scan across her face as he thought of what to say, turning his head away with an annoyed huff when words seem to defy him.

“What was I supposed to do? Let you take the saber and cut me down?” Kylo continued to ask. “I acted in self-defense. Not that I would have done anything with the saber if I had won it back anyway-“

“Yeah, sure.” Rey interrupted with a half-amused, half disgusted snort. “Like how you _wouldn’t have done anything_ once you caught sight of the Falcon on Crait?”

Kylo couldn’t help but wince, not only at the mention of his father’s ship, but of what Rey was implying.

“I wasn’t aware you were on it.” Kylo weakly tried defending himself. “I wasn’t exactly thinking straight in the moment.”

“I’m of the opinion you weren’t thinking at all.” Rey put her thoughts forward as she began to drop her staff to her side in a more relaxed position, perhaps against her better judgment.

The corner of Kylo’s lips curled ever so subtly and, for the briefest of moments, Rey wondered if she was about to get a smile out of him. The thought disappears as quickly as the beginning of his smile vanished off his face, returning to his usual stoic look.

“Not that it mattered anyway,” Kylo mumbled. “Not like my men could get _anywhere_ close to bringing that damn ship down…”

If Rey didn’t know any better, she would almost say he sounded… Proud?

Kylo had gone so silent, staring down at his joined hands that hung loosely between his knees with his index finger tapping absentmindedly against his other hand. He stayed quiet for so long that Rey was certain the bond would be seconds away from cutting them off as it did before, when it would somehow seek out the lull in their conversation and break them apart, its timing always so impeccable.

“Are you going to keep watching me? Or are you going to continue with what you were doing?” Kylo finally broke the silence, the sudden presence of his voice nearly making Rey jump.

“You can’t _really_ expect me to just turn my back to you. And besides, if I did, surely _you_ would have nothing better to do than to watch _me.”_

Kylo simply shrugged his shoulders at her in response, a rather childish act that she wouldn’t expect from him.

“I’m sure it won’t be long before we’re cut off from each other anyway.” Kylo supplied. “So, I think we can both agree it would be a better use of your time to, as I assume you were doing, finish up preparing your breakfast, instead of staring me down and thinking you would be able to smack me to death with a stick.”

Rey felt irritation flare-up in her gut as Kylo once again did all he could to try and undermine her. How many more times would he underestimate her capabilities? She had already bested him in combat before, proved herself _just_ as powerful as was, and yet he still saw her as less than him?

“It wouldn’t be the first time I had to teach someone a lesson with this _stick.”_ She informed him, practically spitting out the last word, still angry at him for referring to her weapon as such. She _knew_ he did it purposefully to rile her up.

“It would be a bit different this time, don’t you think?” Kylo replied snarkily. “I’m not just some dirty scavenger on Jakku trying to sneak in to steal your food.”

“That’s not the only thing they tried to take from me.”

For a split second, she could see something dark flittering past his eyes at her comment. They shone with an anger she wasn’t familiar with, although one she knew wasn’t directed at her. It was gone as fast it came, an obvious glitch in his usual emotionless state, which he was quick to return to as he took a deep breath in.

“I can imagine,” Kylo said gently, now finding it difficult to keep his eyes locked with hers. “And I can also imagine they learnt quite quickly not to come anywhere near you.”

“Yes, well…” Rey began somewhat awkwardly. “I suppose it’s a good thing I’m not on Jakku anymore.”

“You didn’t return to your home, then?”

“Why would I?”

Kylo shrugged once more.

“Jakku is…It never really was my home. I have no reason to return there, not anymore. That place is nothing but a bad memory to me now.”

“If Jakku isn’t your home, then what is?”

Rey paused at this, his question echoing around her mind. What _was_ her home? Well, what made a home, a home? Did it have to be an actual place? Somewhere she would plan on staying for a long length of time? To that extent, she supposed Ahch-To was now her home. It was a place for her to rest, a place for her to eat, a place for her to train, and a place for her to…To live, she supposed. Of course, she couldn’t tell Kylo _any_ of that. She couldn’t think of anything more dangerous, than telling him where she was. She was sure that, even with just the mention of this planet, the First Order would find a way to track her down. Having him appear to her across the Force was bad enough, she didn’t want to think about having to confront him _and_ his army alone on this island, face to face.

“I don’t know yet.” Was all she would give him.

A part of her was expecting for him to get annoyed at her avoidance of the question, perhaps expecting that he would assume she would slip up and tell him of her whereabouts. Instead of that, he nodded his head slowly at her answer, perhaps resonating with it himself. She was moments away from asking him what _his_ home was, when he spoke.

“I hope you find it, one day.”

Even Kylo himself seemed taken aback by the sincerity in his tone, turning away from her inquisitive look with a clear of his throat, raising a hand to scratch absentmindedly at his chin whilst making sure to look anywhere but at her.

“Could you please, just…continue with what you were doing?” Kylo asked awkwardly, unable to escape her gaze. “Put your weapon away and go collect your meal from…wherever it ended up.”

Rey looked to him in confusion then, glancing down to the half-boned fish by her feet and then back up at him.

“Can you not see it?”

“No,” Kylo stated. “Like before, I can’t see any of your surroundings; only you.”

“Not ever?”

“There are…occasions, when something else comes through the bond. Sometimes you emit a burst of power that lets me see more. Other times, it can be from another’s power.”

“Another’s? You mean like Master Skywalker? Did you-“

“Yes. I saw him.” Kylo answered sharply, a hint of irritation in his voice. “I saw him burst through your door, I felt his _anger_ , saw the hut practically _explode_ and when the force cut us off, and for a moment I assumed that-“

Kylo stopped, his mouth closing shut with an audible snap as that familiar look of anger spread across his face. A frown was quick to appear on his features, though this one was one that was aimed at himself, annoyed that he was, for some reason or another, finding himself close to sharing more than he wanted to let on.

“You…You couldn’t _really_ have thought he had tried to kill me?”

His dark eyes flickered up to hers.

“It wouldn’t be the first time he tried to kill one of his students.”

Rey kept a cautious eye on his brooding figure, glancing down every now and then at the weapon by her side and wondering if it truly was safe to let both her guard and her weapon down around a man that was supposed to be her enemy. Kylo had followed her line of sight, sighing in frustration when he caught her staring at her own weapon for the fifth time.

“Fine then,” Kylo said, standing so swiftly from his seated position that Rey had to resist the urge to swing her staff at his knees to bring him down. “Will this make you feel better?”

Kylo’s hand moved leisurely to his side, wrapping his gloved fingers around the wide hilt of his saber. Rey went from her more relaxed position to combat-ready the second his fingers touched the surface of his lightsaber, narrowing her eyes in suspicion at his actions, wondering what it was he would try to do next.

Out of all the options she could think of in that short time, none of them were for him to throw his lightsaber at her.

Her staff dropped down to the damp stone hut floor with a resounding ‘clang’, releasing her weapon without a second thought to ensure it wasn’t his lightsaber that would be sent careening to the floor. She very nearly dropped the saber in her flailing as she caught it, taken quite by surprise by the hefty weight of his saber, especially compared to Master Luke’s one. Rey looked up to Kylo in complete and utter shock, unable to think of a single reason why he would be so comfortable with simply handing her his signature weapon (and quite carelessly, might she add).

“Why have you given me this?” She asked him, flicking her eyes from the saber to him as he sat back down again.

“I thought you might feel more comfortable around my presence if I didn’t have a weapon.”

“Your saber isn’t the only thing you could kill me with.”

“True.” Kylo conceded, nodding his head along with his response. “But then again, so could you. So, I’d say that makes us even right now.”

Rey couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at this.

“And so, you’re just…what, assuming that I won't kill you with your own lightsaber.”

“I’m not assuming,” Kylo replied calmly. “I _know_ you won’t kill me.”

“ _Excuse me?”_ Rey spluttered, taken aback by his certainty of the situation.

Kylo pushed down on his knees as he once again stood from his seated position, wasting no time as he took a few long strides towards her. Rey stood her ground as he advanced, despite how their difference in height meant she was now having to crane her neck up to look at him. Kylo said nothing for a moment as he stood over her, the long pause, and consequential silence, sending her heart into overdrive as adrenaline begins to race through her bloodstream.

“Go ahead.” Kylo challenged, stepping impossibly closer, until she could feel the warmth radiating off him. “Do it. Kill me.”

Rey stared up at him for a few more seconds before her thumb began to slide over to the ignition of his saber, making sure to keep her eyes firmly on his own as she flicked the slide up. Lines of fire roared to life in her peripheral vision, the blades of his saber crackling with unstable and ferocious energy. Rey raised the saber, the spitting blades mere inches from his face, further highlighting the ragged red scar that ran down his face and disappeared within his shirt. And yet, Kylo did not flinch in the slightest.

Because he was right. And just like he had said, he _knew_ he was right.

_She couldn’t do it._

Rey couldn’t explain why. It should be so easy, to just swing the saber to the side and…that would be it. She would have killed Kylo Ren, supreme leader of the First Order, leader of the Knights of Ren, and one of the last, most powerful Sith, left alive. It would be a _massive_ blow to the First Order, surely making it infinitely easier on the Rebellion to take down the First Order once and for all.

Yet, all the while, there’s a voice, a presence inside of her, _screaming_ at her not to do it. Something that shouted ‘ _No! No! No! No! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!_ ’ whenever she had so much as a _thought_ to move her arms.

So, instead of doing what was arguably the right thing to many people, Rey voluntarily let her fingers slip away from the ignition switch, extinguishing the hut of its fiery red glow and returning it to the glow of the early morning light.

Rey still couldn’t tear her eyes away from Kylo’s, just the same as he kept his gaze locked on hers whilst he raised a hand to wrap around his saber that she still held, gently prying it from her in one quick and efficient movement. Rey swallowed nervously as he re-attached his saber to his belt, only feely mildly reassured at the fact that he didn’t immediately turn the weapon on her.

“I’m glad I called your bluff,” Kylo told her, so close now that she could feel his breath on her face as he spoke. “Good to know I’m not the only one.”

And then, in only a blink, he was gone from her sight. Rey let out a breath she didn’t even know she was holding, feeling the jitters of her hands as the adrenaline in her system began to wear off.

She got the feeling that the loss of the heat from his fiery saber wasn’t the only reason the hut suddenly felt colder than before.


	2. An Interrupted Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “FN-2187?”
> 
> Rey spun around on the spot, a moment of full-blown panic gripping her at the sight of Kylo Ren stood on the opposite side of her hut. He was sans his helmet this time, stood with his back straight and arms folded behind his back, his head ever so slightly tilted to the side as he regarded her with a questioning look. Fear washed over her at the thought that he might have listened to her and Finns entire conversation without her even knowing, unwittingly letting the Supreme Leader of the First Order know information about the Resistance that would surely give them the upper hand.
> 
> “That’s who he is, isn’t he?” Kylo continued. “Finn?”
> 
> “Do you have to say his name with such discontent?” Rey spat, feeling a tickle of anger rise in her chest as she listened to Kylo Ren speak about her friend in such a disgusted tone.
> 
> “He is a traitor. I think it’s a perfectly reasonable way to speak of him.”

Sometimes, no matter how much you apologize, no matter how much you regret your actions, some people can never forgive, and certainly will _never_ forget what you did.

As it turns out, one of those actions is slicing off a section of rock and sending it careening into a caretaker’s homemade wheelbarrow.

Rey was sure they probably weren’t _that_ hard to make, but still… She hadn’t exactly had the best of introductions to the caretakers of the islands (what with her also blowing a hole in the side of her hut with a blaster, she had almost forgotten about that somehow), and not to mention the fact that she was _certain_ they blamed her for the destruction of her old hut. Even if she had recorded and showed to them on a Holocron that Master Luke had been the one to tear down the hut walls, they would still find a way to place the blame on her.

They had still been cleaning up the mess when she had returned to the island, glaring up at her the second they caught sight of her as they sluggishly picked at the stone remains of the hut, taking their time to clear it away into their wheelbarrows and haul it off who knows where. Perhaps, if she asked, they would tell her they were using it to build another hut. She doubted she would get any much out of them anyway, other than perhaps a scoff or a few select choice of words…

When she had first come to the island, she had practically been Master Lukes's shadow, clinging to his side and following him wherever he would go. One of the things that had stood out most to her in that time was the _simplicity_ of his life. She had heard of Luke Skywalker, of course. Who hadn’t? The Skywalker name was one that was known across the Galaxy, a legend of a tale that grew large enough that it almost felt like people were _born_ knowing of it. The story of a poor young orphaned boy, who grew from nothing to the most powerful Jedi the Galaxy had ever been, turning away from his father's path and following that of the light. A Jedi that was so wrapped in the light, that he was able to sway _Darth Vader_ , his _father,_ a Sith whose name instilled fear in any that heard it, back from the Dark and into the Light. All of that she had heard, had grown up hearing snippets of stories from passing scavengers, and so when she had crested the hills of Ahch-To and caught a glimpse of that man… He hadn’t been what she had been expecting.

Luke Skywalker may have once been a legend. But now? Now he was…A farmer?

That much became increasingly clear, the more time she spent with him. Watching him patrol the perimeter of his home, spending time checking on the rather odd-looking beasts that sat upon the mountains of Ahch-To. She had been curious at the time what the many glass canteens he had been holding were for, but had come to regret this upon watching as he milked the creatures, fighting the urge to look away in disgust at the sight of their green milk dripping down his greying beard. Her heart very nearly jumped out of her throat when he had ran off the cliffside with that outrageously gigantic pole, only for him to come to a gracious stop at the cliff edge on the other side, lifting a pole she was sure would be incredibly heavy and bringing it down with ease. It had been quite a surprise to see him lift the pole back up, being greeted by the sight of a big, scaly creature flailing as it tried to escape the wooden spike that had pierced through its flesh.

Even just _watching_ him do those tasks had been exhausting. So now she was the one the responsibilities had fallen to? Rey hadn’t felt _this_ exhausted in quite some time and was hoping with all she had for her body to adjust to her new work schedule soon. Otherwise, she doesn’t know when she might _ever_ get to resume her Jedi training…Even if she is now without a master.

_‘You need a teacher! I can show you the ways of the Force!’_

Rey shook the irritating voice out of her head, not wanting to get anywhere _near_ that issue right now. With an exerted huff of air, Rey swings the bundle of fish she had caught over her shoulder, hoping that the old net she had found seemingly abandoned in one of the huts would hold her dinners weight. The cold wind of Ahch-To bit at her skin as she trudged across its now muddy hills, nearly losing her footing a few times, the recent torrential downpour of rain turning the grassy hills into mudslides.

Rey raised a hand to her face to wipe off the sheen of sweat across her brow, the sweat having begun to freeze her face in the chilly wind. As she drops her hand back down, she pauses, listening to the whispers of the wind as it blows past her.

Except… Except it wasn’t the _wind_ that was whispering.

Her head whips around, looking curiously for where the whispers were coming from. It didn’t seem to make sense; the whispers were coming from _everywhere_. It felt like something was calling out to her, but not from anywhere on the island, rather, it seemed almost as if it was coming from the Island itself. Or at least, a part of it.

_The Cave._

That horrible, dark, manipulative place. She had been unable to resist its call once before, so desperate in seeking her answers that she was ready to throw everything away to get them. It was her weak spot, and it seemed like those that wanted to use her knew it. The cave had refused to give her an answer to her past, and when Kylo had offered it to her, lured her in with that knowledge… She had fallen right into his trap.

It wouldn’t be like last time, though. She would be able to resist its call this time around. Kylo had, in a way, helped her with that.

‘ _Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. It’s the only way to become what you were meant to be.’_

For too long, she let herself be ruled by her past. Clinging to this idea that she came from somewhere important, that her parents were equally so, that one day everything in her life would change when her parents returned and whisked her away from that sandy, sweltering planet to where she was _meant_ to be. And here? _This_ is where she’s meant to be. She’s _sure_ of it. She had escaped that dreadful life, had become _so_ much more than she could _ever_ have imagined, and you know what? She didn’t need her parents for that. It didn’t matter where she had come from. No, all that mattered was who she was now, and who she wanted to become.

But… While she was certain she was on the right path, existed in the place she was meant to be right now, there was still something…Off. It felt like something was still missing. Missing from this island, from her life, even from herself. The most frustrating thing was that it felt close by, within arms reach and yet, she could never seem to keep it within her grasp. It was odd, not knowing what this thing was exactly, but she felt like she had experienced it, once. She felt like she _missed_ it. Whatever it was, she wanted it back.

The cave hadn’t answered her questions back when she had given into its tempting calls. Or, perhaps it did, but she couldn’t figure out what it had been trying to tell her. It wouldn’t exactly be surprising if the cave _had_ been lying to her, it was one that existed in a place of Dark after all. But maybe… Maybe it would be different, this time? Perhaps it would give her the answers she was looking for? Maybe…Maybe it would tell her how to find what she’s been missing…

A shrill set of beeping sounds rip her out of her thoughts, glancing down to the blocky device on her wrist that the irritating sounds were emitting from. Once she shakes herself out of her thoughts, she realizes that she’s been standing in front of the door to her hut for who knows how long now, not even realizing she had finished her walk from the fishing spot back to her place of rest. She must have zoned out pretty hard… At least, judging by the rather skeptical look she’s receiving from a caretaker that’s maintaining a neighboring hut.

Hurriedly bustling her into her hut, she releases the net of fish from her shoulders with a relieved sigh, rubbing a hand across her sore shoulders which were aching from carrying the heavy contents of tonight’s meal. The Holocron on her wrist continues to beep at her, seeking her attention. It had been one of the conditions the General had set, to let her come out here. Every week or so, the Resistance would check up on her, give her updates on their movements and then in return, ask _her_ for any updates, mostly on her training. Truthfully, Rey just thinks they’re scared she’ll follow the same path as Luke, cutting herself off from everyone and isolating herself completely. It’s a silly thought really, considering the Resistance _know_ the location of Ahch-To now. Though, she supposed that wouldn’t stop her from simply boarding the Falcon and jetting off to another deserted island that the Resistance _didn’t_ know about.

Not that she would do that, of course.

With a few swipes of her fingers across the Holocron, the device whirs to life, beeping up at her as it connects her to the Resistance. She feels a smile break across her face as Finns face pops up in the hologram, one that he eagerly returns once he catches sight of her.

“Finally convinced the General to let me take over this meeting,” Finn tells her. “I mean, y’know I have to relay all you tell me to the General and… I’m fairly certain she somehow has a way to listen in on us anyway but, whatever.”

“Good to see you too, Finn,” Rey says with just a hint of sarcasm that’s quite easily disguised behind her tone of laughter.

“I don’t think you need me to _tell_ you I’m glad to see you, to know that I am.” Finn insists, pushing away slightly from his own Holocron, which she can only assume has been placed on a desk, seeing as she can see him sat upon a rolling chair. If she were to guess, he was currently in his own private quarters, unsure as to where else he would be able to make this call privately.

“How are you doing, Rey?” Finn asks in a genuinely worried tone, one that he really does not need. “You taking care of yourself?”

“I’m okay,” Rey assures him. “Trust me, this island is _much_ more plentiful than Jakku was. I mean, yeah, I still have to find a way to get food but…It's pretty much assured that I will. It's nice, having that kind of security. To know there’ll always be a _next_ meal.”

“You could have that here too, you know,“ Finn points out. “In the Resistance.”

“Finn…”

“I know, I know,” Finn quickly brushes the point aside. “This isn’t the ‘place to be’. I got it…”

“Finn, I already know what you’re thinking. I’m not out here to get away from _you,_ or from the _Resistance._ Don’t think for a second that I don’t miss you all like crazy, because I do, I really do-“

“ _Then come back_ ,” Finn begged, his eyes mirroring the pleading in his tone. “We can help you here, we all can!”

“Finn, _listen,”_ Rey stressed. “There was a reason Leia sent me out here-“

“To find Luke-” Finn butt in. “-But you _did_ that. You found him. You got through to him Rey, you convinced him to come help us! But, now that he’s gone-“

“ _Yes._ He is gone. For _us._ But no one’s ever truly gone. Not in the way that we think.”

Finn’s face dropped at Rey's agitated tone, a slight wince on his face that he tried to hide as he looked away in shame.

“I'm sorry, I shouldn’t have said it like that.” Finn apologized quietly, eyes flicking up to her as he spoke. “Both you and Luke, you saved our lives. And I’m grateful for that, and for…for what he sacrificed. I’m just… I miss you, okay? It’s different around here with you gone.”

“Poe not keeping you entertained?” Rey joked, ignoring the squeeze of her heart at his words.

Finn's lips twitched at the corners, shaking his head as he tried to suppress his laughter.

“When he’s not rushing around the place like a crazy person, trying to keep everyone in check? Or in the five seconds we get to talk before he’s jumping into the cockpit? Yeah, of course.”

“Wow, he’s taking this whole ‘leadership’ role seriously, huh?”

“Ever since what happened on the Raddus? Yeah, I’d say so. He never really talks about it, but… I think he’s really beating himself up about what happened. Especially whenever someone brings up Vice-Admiral Holdo.”

Rey’s expression softened at the former commanding officer's name. Although she had never met her, she had been exposed to the effects her death had had on the group. In the few months that Rey stayed within the Resistance, there had been an almost awkward tension within the group. In the rare times where it felt somewhat normal, it was almost like a routine where Holdo's name would be brought up. Just like that, the care-free atmosphere in the room would go dead, and most eyes would drift over to General Organa. The second everyone caught sight of her crestfallen face, devastated at the reminder of a close friends passing, the room would begin to clear, returning the group to its usual awkward tension.

“We, uh…” Finn sighed, running a hand through his rapidly growing locks. “We actually...kinda...had a bit of a fight…”

“Wait, _you two_ fought?” Rey asked incredulously. “I didn’t even think that was possible… What was it about?”

“Poe had just come back from a _three_ -day excursion, one where I know _damn_ well he didn’t get a _wink_ of sleep, barely ate… He gets back, and what does he do? He goes to Leia, asking for the next mission! The guys gonna hit the ground _hard_ , and I can’t let that happen! I brought it up, told him he was being reckless and, well… He didn’t like that. He started yelling at me, telling me that I don’t know everything. I tried calming him down, but it just seemed to rile him up even more.”

“ _Really?_ That doesn’t sound like Poe.”

“No, it doesn’t. And I know that with all that’s going on, he’s going to be saying things he doesn’t mean, so I just…let him be. I walked away. Mostly because, if I stayed, I…I don’t know if I could have held my tongue.”

“Listen, everyone makes mistakes. Even when they think they’re doing what's right. It’s good that he’s doing all he can to learn from his mistakes, but don’t let him work himself to death. Give him a bit of time to process all of this in his head but… Just be there for him. Be someone for him to go to, to talk or vent to, just… Be a friend.”

“Yeah…Yeah, I will. I’m just worried about him, is all.”

“How long has this been going on?” Rey asked, trying to rack her memory for how Poe acted while she was still at the Resistance. From her memory, Poe had been… Well, Poe. Same jokey, cocky, BB-8 loving, upbeat pilot. Then again, maybe she hadn’t been paying attention to her friends as much as she should have…If she didn’t look close enough, it would be easy for Poe to hide how he was truly feeling from her.

Not from Finn though.

“I mean…” Finn trailed off, scratching at his face as he thought. “It only started getting _really_ bad these past few weeks… Everyone’s under a lot of pressure here right now, especially with what’s been going on.”

“What do you mean? Did something happen?”

“You could say that,” Finn said with a tired-looking smile. “We received a message from a mining ship not too far away from the base. They said they had some information for us.”

“Sounds like a trap to me.”

“Yep, sounded like one to Poe too.” Finn agreed. “He spent _weeks_ scouting the place out, gathering what information he could find from the ship, from who employs them. Even tried to figure out who the informant was.”

“And did he find out? Who they are, that is?”

“No- And he was upset about it, to say the least. When we found out that the mining ship was employed by the First Order, and Poe said he _still_ wanted to meet the informant, it kicked off _another_ argument.”

“Please don’t tell me he went...”

“Of course he did,” Finn grumbled. “But you know what the worst part was?”

“…What?”

“It was the right move.” Finn scoffed, leaning back and folding his arms with a scowl. “Turns out, the informant was in contact with someone in the First Order; A spy.”

“A spy?” Rey asked, her interest piqued. “In the First Order?”

“Yep. Pretty high up too, it seems.”

“What did they find out?”

“They gave us a warning; They told us the First Order is still dead set on looking for us and taking us down. Apparently, they’ve narrowed down their search to the same system. They’re close, Rey.”

“Then what’s the Resistance going to do? Are you planning on moving base?”

“No, not yet. Even though there aren’t many of us left, The General thinks that moving everyone might be too suspicious. The First Order has eyes everywhere, and if someone sees a group of ships leaving a planet not long after they’ve narrowed down possible locations? They’ll be on us in no time, and there’s nothing we could do to defend ourselves. Especially when you’re not here.”

Before Rey could get a chance to speak up, Finn continued speaking.

“If they get closer, then… We’ll have no choice but to relocate. For now, our orders are to just lie low, and hope the First Order doesn’t pick up on the limited operations we’re running.”

“And you’re sure the information you got was correct? How do you know you’re not just being fed lies?”

“They could be. But I don’t know what the First Order will get from us being more cautious.”

“Other than limiting what you can do? Stop you from moving against them?”

“That’s…That’s true, but…” Finn muttered. “You know what the weird thing is?”

“What?”

“Apparently, the spy said the same thing you said.”

“That…They’re stopping you?”

“No, that _they_ know that _we_ might think _they’re_ lying. So, they gave us an extra bit of information, as a gesture of… Goodwill? Anyway, they told us that a small First Order Patrol was being sent out to Ossi, a small planet being used by the First Order for scrap collection, and that this patrol? _This_ patrol was made up of a collection of Troopers that were in the process of being reconditioned.”

“Which means…?”

“Oh, right.” Finn shook his head, getting too far ahead of himself. “The Storm Trooper program isn’t 100% efficient. It’s… It’s brainwashing, is what it is. The First Order steals kids from their homes, raises them, if you can call it that, with _their_ rules. We’re trained to be soldiers with no morals, loyal only to the First Order. Not to each other, not to the people. _Only_ The First Order. They order you to burn down a village? You do it without question. They ask you to shoot your brother in arms for treason? You should be _happy_ to do so.”

Rey felt her stomach turn at the thought of her best friend having to go through such torture. To be ripped away from parents that loved him, raised in a cold, metal home with no love, only orders and pain? They may share the same pain of being stripped of their parents, but she had never been forced to do such horrific acts, and to have been raised to believe that such acts were _right_.

“But you escaped.” Rey pointed out. “What made you turn?”

“Like I said, sometimes their program doesn’t set in right. Sometimes, there can be a specific order or just the _sight_ of something, and you just… You snap right out of it. It’s like waking up from a bad dream. Like the _real_ you was hidden away, your body controlled by your superiors, like a _puppet.”_ Finn spat the last word, his fury at the First Order shining in his eyes, even through the Holocron. “I’m not the only one that broke free. It does happen. And when you’re caught…You go in for reconditioning. They try and reset your mind, beat you into submission. They make it _clear_ that it’s the First Order, or _nothing_. For most, the smart move is to just give in to their will. Less pain, that way.”

“So why are the First Order sending a group of Troopers when they’re at risk of disobeying orders?”

“It’s a test, to see if they’ve ‘passed’ their reconditioning. They’re being sent along with a commanding officer to a community within one of their main scrap collection sites. The rumor was that the people there are sympathizers to the Resistance. The trooper’s orders will be to round up all on-site, interrogate them for what information they can find, and then execute them.”

“ _All_ _of them?_ The whole community? What about those that aren’t part of it?”

“It doesn’t matter. The First Order prefers to be thorough.”

“They’re willing to wipe out a whole community to be ‘ _thorough?’”_

“The First Order is willing to do a lot in the name of ‘order’. When it comes to the Galaxy, what’s a few billion lives?”

“They did it, then? They slaughtered them all?”

“Nope,” Finn said, his satisfied smile returning to his face. “When Poe told General Organa of what he’d learned, she let him take over the mission. He was pretty torn up about what to do for a while, whether it was worth the risk, but eventually, he made up his mind. He sent out a small team, which _actually_ included me this time, to intercept the incoming troopers.”

“And they were actually there?”

“Yep, just like our spy had said they would be. It was a small group, only about 7 troopers along with one officer. We managed to take ‘em by surprise while they were going door to door, rounding up residents. Rey, I’ve never seen Storm Troopers so… _Willing_ to give up. The second they caught sight of us, they put down their guns, dropped to their knees and put their hands in the air.”

“So, there wasn’t a fight?”

“Only a small one. They might have been willing to surrender, but the officer with them? Not so much… Ideally, we wanted to capture him and take him back to the General to find out what he knows, but uh… This was the kind of guy who, if he was going down, it wouldn’t be alive. There were eight of us and only one of him, so… The firefight didn’t last that long…”

“And the Storm Troopers? What did you do with them?”

“They were apprehended, cuffed and returned to the Resistance. They didn’t say a word, just went with whatever we wanted them to. But the residents that we had just saved? They were… a little less quiet. I don’t think I’ve ever been hugged by so many strangers, Rey.”

“Not much of a hugger, are you?” Rey asked, trying her best to suppress her laughter.

“Listen, I like hugs just as much as the next guy, alright? It’s just common sense not to restrict someone you _don’t know_ , who still has a loaded blaster in his hand. Besides, that’s not the best part.”

“Oh? And what is?”

“Turns out, they were a lot more than just ‘sympathetic’ to the Resistance’s cause. They wanted to _join_ us. They were just waiting for the right opportunity and then, what do you know, it comes along. The Resistance now has _forty_ new members, Rey. Forty! I know its nothing compared to the First Orders numbers, but…”

“It’s a start.”

“Yeah, exactly.” Finn breathed. “We’ve still got the Storm Troopers in lock up. They’re a bit… unstable right now. Coming to terms with the changes that have happened. I can still remember how disorientating it was, when it was happening to me… But, I’m hopeful that soon, we’ll have _another_ seven members to add to the Resistance. Truth be told, I’d rather they weren’t still in the holding cells. It would be good for them to be out with us, to see the Resistance for what it really is, but… The General doesn’t want to take the risk, which I _completely_ understand. After all, this could easily be an elaborate set up by the First Order. Have a fake spy supply us with false information, trick us into taking in troopers we believe are on our side…”

“They’d have eyes and ears on the inside.”

“Exactly. But… It’s hard to fake that look, Rey.”

“… _Look?”_

 _“_ When a trooper breaks free, and they begin to regain control over who they are again. There’s no better person to recognize that look. Not when I saw it reflected back at me, the day I broke free.”

“This all sounds like wishful thinking, but…. But if all of this turns out to be true, that we have a spy in the First Order, and we can keep getting new members, then maybe…

“Maybe we’ll stand a real chance in this,” Finn finished, an excited gleam in his eyes. “One day, we won’t have to be in hiding. One day… We’ll bring the fight to _them.”_

Finn's gaze wandered over to something that Rey couldn’t see, a brief look of panic fluttering over his face as he cursed quietly under his breath, swiftly rising from his chair and reaching for the Holocron, fumbling slightly with its buttons as he spoke.

“Shoot, I lost track of time. I’m sorry Rey, but I’ve got to go. Poe’s gonna have my ass for this…”

Before Rey could get out any semblance of a goodbye, Finn had disconnected from the other side of the Holocron. The blue glow of his figure slowly melted away from sight, his hologram seemingly being sucked away into the confinements of the device sat upon her wrist. With a heavy sigh, Rey reached up and switched the device off, cutting off her end of the connection.

“Good to speak to you too, Finn…”

Rey dropped her arm back to her side, glancing wearily down to the netted fish at her feet with another weary sigh. Her conversation with Finn had exhausted her, and now the thought of having to prepare all that she had caught was looking less and less likely of being done by the end of the day…

“FN-2187?”

Rey spun around on the spot, a moment of full-blown panic gripping her at the sight of Kylo Ren stood on the opposite side of her hut. He was sans his helmet this time, stood with his back straight and arms folded behind his back, his head ever so slightly tilted to the side as he regarded her with a questioning look. Fear washed over her at the thought that he might have listened to her and Finns _entire_ conversation without her even knowing, unwittingly letting the _Supreme Leader_ of the First Order know information about the Resistance that would surely give them the upper hand.

“That’s who he is, isn’t he?” Kylo continued “Finn?”

“Do you have to say his name with such discontent?” Rey spat, feeling a tickle of anger rise in her chest as she listened to Kylo Ren speak about her friend in such a disgusted tone.

“He is a traitor. I think it’s a perfectly reasonable way to speak of him.”

“You don’t even _know_ him. All he is to you is a _unit_ , a selection of random letters and numbers.”

“You’ve seen the size of our army, haven’t you? Assigning names to each trooper would be pointless-“  
  
“That’s beside the point. Looking past the fact that they _had_ names before you stole them from their families, you treat your people like…Like they _aren’t_ people. They’re just a part of the machine, something that can be _replaced_ if it were to break down.”

“That’s what happens when you’re part of something this big. The First Order isn’t the first to use such methods, and we certainly won’t be the last. Sometimes, you have to look at these kinds of things from a different perspective.”  
  
“I’m not sure how else you can look at _kidnapping and brainwashing children.”_

“We give them a roof over their heads. We give them food, we give them security. We give them _purpose._ We’ve taken away hundreds of children from poor lives, prevented them from growing up in a community that’s doomed to collapse.”

Kylo narrowed his eyes at Rey as she scoffed, taking one step closer to her as he continued to speak.

“Tell me, Rey, have you ever spoked to any of the troopers, other than your… ‘friend?’”

“It’s not exactly like I get the chance.”

“Then how do you know how they feel about their lives, Rey? Unless you walk amongst them every day, as I do. Those amongst us serve with _pride_ , _satisfied_ in the knowledge that they are working to create a stable Galaxy. That’s a goal we share, is it not? For our Galaxy to be in peace?”

“Yes.” Rey agreed. “But I think we both have very different ideas of how to obtain that.”

“It’s simply how this works,” Kylo stressed. “Sometimes, peace can only be obtained through war.”

“One day, I’ll get through to you.” Rey raised her voice, storming over to Kylo with a stormy expression, pointing a finger directly into his face as she spoke. Kylo didn’t move an inch, staring down at her with a blank expression as she continued with her outburst. “I _know_ I will. Someday, you’ll realize how _wrong_ you are about all of this.”

For a while, Kylo said nothing in response. In fact, he barely did much of anything, the only movement from him she could see the steady rise and fall of his chest, and his slow blinks as he gazed down at her.

“You can try.”

What took her most by surprise wasn’t his words. No, it was the pain that was laced within them, a tone almost of…almost of begging. As if, deep down, he truly _wanted_ her to try. He was _pleading_ with her to do her best, to do all she could to convince him otherwise. To give him a reason to turn away from all he’s ever known, for the majority of his life.

“I will.” Rey reached out a hand and, without thinking, wrapped it around his forearm, the urge within her to comfort someone so clearly in pain overtaking the reasoning within her mind. For a brief moment, she had forgotten who he was. She wasn’t reaching out for Kylo Ren, she was reaching for Ben Solo. To try and grab hold of the man he once was, to pull him out of the façade he has encased himself with. Another persona, acting as his shield against all that has ever wronged him.

Kylo dropped his gaze from her down to where her hand met his arm. In that moment, the blank expression disappeared. Something almost…Almost _tender_ crossed his face, a longing for comfort he has most likely gone years or decades even without, powerful enough to overtake his usual defenses. Rey was too awestruck, taking in such expressions she had never thought she would see on him, that she found herself unable to tear her hand away from him. The silence they had fallen into seemed to stretch on forever, and yet at the same time, only seemed to last mere seconds.

“Can I ask you something?” Kylo finally broke the silence, breaking his line of sight with her hand on him to meet her eyes. Rather hesitantly, and still in somewhat of a daze, she nodded her consent. “Why didn’t you just kill me?”

That…Certainly hadn’t been what she was expecting.

“ _What?”_

“You could have if you wanted to. After the fight. When we fought for Skywalkers saber. The blast had knocked us both unconscious, but when I awoke, I was alone. You awoke first. You could have taken my saber and ended my life right there. But you didn’t. _Why?”_

“It didn’t seem like a fair fight.” Rey joked, deflecting his question away. Judging by the narrowed eyed look he was giving her, he could see right past that. “Besides, one day, I’m going to beat you in a fight when you can’t blame it on already being injured.”

 _There it was again. That ‘almost’ smile_.

“I think we both know that’s not all there is to it.” Kylo refuted, increasing his accusatory look. “I had just killed the Supreme Leader of the First Order. You had the opportunity to take out their last remaining powerful leader. Granted, the First Order would continue to function, but it would have been _significantly_ weakened. We would have never chased you to Crait. Skywalker wouldn’t have had to sacrifice himself, to let you all escape. I thought everything you did, you did to help your ‘friends’. Yet, you chose not to kill me. Not only that, but you left me with my saber.”

“What else was I to do? Leave you without a weapon? I can’t imagine it would have looked good when they found you in that room with your leader cut in half…” Rey trailed off, turning around to pick up the net of fish she had neglected on the floor of her hut.

“You could have,” Kylo stressed, and she could hear him take a single step closer to her. “That way, my blood wouldn’t be on your hands. There’s no use lying to me Rey, and there’s no use lying to yourself. My death would be an _advantage,_ not only for the Resistance, but for you. You _should_ have, but you _didn’t._ So, I ask again; _Why?”_

“I couldn’t, okay!” Rey snapped, whirling around to face him and flinging the bag in her hands to the other side of her hut. “Is that what you wanted to hear? I know I should have, but I didn’t!”

“And why is that?” Kylo whispered, something akin to excitement in his eyes.

“I…I don’t know…”

“Oh, but you do, Rey.”

“I… There…There was a part of me that… That wouldn’t let me do it. Just the thought of it, of doing that to you, its…”

“It’s almost painful, isn’t it?” Kylo asked, his face inching even closer.

Rey dared a glance up to his hopeful face, regretfully nodding in agreement.

“It felt like my thoughts weren’t completely mine… As soon as the thought of…of _killing you_ crossed my mind, it would be replaced by those damn _visions;_ It would remind me of what you could become, of what I tried so hard to get, and… After all that’s happened, I don’t know if those visions will _ever_ come true, but I know they _won’t-_ if I were to take away your life.”

Kylo took in a sharp breath through his teeth, his head snapping back away from her in his shock. Rey took a few dazed blinks herself, the sudden distance between them making her realize just how close he had managed to get without her paying much attention.

“You still see them? The visions?”

“Sometimes.” She admitted. “Not often, mostly in my sleep but… I can’t escape from them.”

“I still see them, too. Of you and I, sat upon the throne.”

Rey shook her head, disappointed at how certain he sounded of his vision. It didn’t make _sense._ Why would the Force show them two different visions? Two different outcomes to… To…

To their what? Their _relationship?_ There was barely one as is. They were _supposed_ to be enemies. ‘ _Supposed_ _to be_ ’ being the keywords here. Any other resistance member would be throttling his neck right about now (if they could get close enough, that is), and here she was, having what was essentially a civil conversation with him. The worst part was, she didn’t really mind.

“Why is it doing this to us?” Rey asked him, gesturing in the space between the two of them. “What purpose does it serve? It feels the force is trying to push us together, trying to keep us from killing each other and for…For what? Why would the Force benefit from that?”

“We’re the most powerful pieces on the board, Rey. This upcoming war between The First Order and the Resistance; it’s inevitable. There _has_ to be a victor at the end of it all, and me and you? We could be the deciding factor in that.”

“Are you trying to say that the Force doesn’t _want_ for us to be fighting?”

“Possibly.” Kylo began pacing back and forth what looked like the perimeter of Rey’s hut, but as she couldn’t see where he was through their connection, she had no idea where exactly he was pacing. “I’m not ashamed to admit you are my equal, Rey. Your power within the Light is just as powerful as the one I have within the Dark. For us to be fighting against one another would be nothing more than a waste. But together? Together, we would be the balance in the Force. The Light, and The Dark, as one. This war may be inevitable, but who says either side must win?”

“Don’t… Ben, please, not this again-“

“ _It’s what makes sense,”_ Kylo hissed, his pacing coming to a sudden stop, snapping his head to the side so he was facing Rey. “We both know that neither side will stand down. If one side wins, there will always be another that will try and reclaim power. But you and me? We can be the balance of power this Galaxy needs.”

“I can’t leave them to die,” Rey insisted, hoping her words will get through to him. “Good people will die in this war. And if I was to join you, with or without the First Order, then I’ll be an enemy of the Resistance. These people are my _family-“_

Kylo scoffed at this, throwing up his arms in frustration and shaking his head vehemently in disagreement.

“They _are,_ Ben. Maybe not by blood, but they are. I could never fight against them, or watch them die, even if it wasn’t by my hands. I could _never_ live with myself. My loyalties lie with them, and with the Jedi.”

“The Jedi?” Kylo snorted, his lips curling into a sneer at the name. “The Jedi are gone. ‘ _The Last of the Light’._ You say my storm-troopers are brainwashed? The name of the Jedi is worshipped like a _religion._ They become almost like mystical beings to the common people, treated like _Gods_. They show up to the homes of Force Sensitive children, and ‘ask’ for their parent's permission to take their child-“

“ _Yes,_ that’s the difference.” Rey snapped. “They _ask_ for permission-“

“Do you really think anyone would say no? Even if they wanted to? The life of a Jedi is not a good one, Rey. Believe me, I had a taste of it. Forced to limit our given powers, forbidden from any connections with others? I came to the realization that the Jedi were the ones in the wrong, just as my grandfather did before me.”

Rey wanted to argue back but realized she couldn’t, not when she knew so little about his grandfather. She knew of Darth Vader, of the terrifying apprentice to the Emperor, but such well-known stories tend to have the truth twisted and warped for entertainment. She doesn’t know the full story of Darth Vader, not like the man before her most likely did.

“What do you think will be the end of this, Ben?” Rey whispered, the exhaustion she had felt earlier beginning to seep back in now that the adrenalin that had coursed through her at the sight of him was fading away. “I want things to be different. I don’t want for you to die. I shouldn’t say that, especially not to you, but… I want you to live. I want for us both to live, to somehow exist together in peace. But right now, I… I don’t see how we can achieve that.”

“What do you see?”

“I see one of us fighting against the Force. I see one of us falling to the other.”

Silence followed Rey’s confession; one she was sure Kylo must have seen coming. His hardened expression crumbled away, his anger-filled tension draining from his posture as his shoulders sagged, dropping his gaze to the floor with a deep breath.

“Maybe I shouldn’t be telling _you this, but…”_ Kylo broke the silence they had settled in, lifting his sorrowed gaze from his feet back up to her and replacing it with a look of determination and sincerity. “I’ll do everything I can to make sure that doesn’t happen. Whether it goes my way, or… or even your way. I won’t turn away from what the Force is leading me to.”

“You’ll turn away from the Dark?” Rey dared to hope.

“The Force has led me down the path I am on. It led me to Snoke so that he could teach me the ways of the Sith. I go wherever the Force guides me” Kylo told her. “What reason do I have not to trust it? Especially when it has led me to you.”


	3. The Beginning Of A Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo couldn’t tear his eyes away from her, unable to comprehend why someone such as her would be so insistent on trying to save him, whatever that meant. She had no doubt heard of the horrific deeds he had done, having seen some of them with her own eyes. Even worse was the fact that some of them- he had even done to her. In his mind, it simply didn’t make sense.
> 
> At the first sign of him falling to the Dark, his parents had shipped him off to Luke Skywalker, hoping the legendary Jedi would be able to push down that side, teach him to harness those powers for the ‘better’. Truthfully, he thought he was too ignorant as a child, had thought that it was possible for his uncle to set him back on ‘the right track.’ All that was shattered the night he awoke to his Uncle stood above him, with lightsaber in hand, and the intent to murder gleaming in his eyes.
> 
> She should have given up by now. It was what he was used to.
> 
> And yet, here she was.
> 
> He didn’t deserve it. Didn’t deserve her.

When she had arrived on this planet, to this island, she had been ready for more. To prove herself to be more.

Her _entire_ life had been spent as a nobody, in a random scrapper’s town situated on a planet that was known as ‘nowhere’. No one knew who she was. Not even _she_ knew who she was. It didn’t matter of what she was capable of, of the skills she had acquired in her many years of fighting for her own survival, _no one cared_. All anyone on that dusty, sweltering planet cared about was how much scrap parts she could scrounge from fallen ships that had already been picked clean.

Thrust into a world that, not long ago, she hadn’t even thought could be real had been her chance to become _more._ More than just Rey of Jakku, more than ‘The Scavenger Girl’. This had been what she was _waiting_ for, and to personally be entrusted with the mission of tracking down _Luke Skywalker?_ It was more than she could have ever hoped for.

What she hadn’t realized was just how difficult this path was going to be. Too overwhelmed by possibilities, perhaps. She looked past how much this ability, this connection with the Force would be as much as a burden as it was a gift.

Master Luke knew of this, of course. Which is why, perhaps, he had finally caved in, had decided that the best course of action would be to educate her as much as possible, to see what she was capable of. Except, in doing so, Master Luke had passed on his own fear onto her; The fear of another of his students turning to the Dark.

It was one such thing that she and Ben had in common. The ‘expectations’. While yes, he came from a noble bloodline, the joining of Solo and Skywalker, whereas she came from… Well, she didn’t even know, the thing that connected them was the expectation of who they’re both _supposed_ to be. While Rey didn’t exactly have anyone to ‘live up to’ like Ben did, it felt as if those that cared about her were breathing down her neck, like they were waiting for _any_ sign she may tip towards the Dark, that The Last Jedi will follow down the path of the Dark, just as Ben had.

It hadn’t occurred to her, that it may have been a possibility. Not until she had first truly allowed herself to reach out to the Force. She hadn’t even been aware she was following it until Master Luke had snapped her out of it. It had almost been like greeting an old friend.

‘ _You went straight to the Dark…’_

Master Luke had truly been afraid of her in that moment. Perhaps, at another time, he wouldn’t be. If, instead of comparing her to his nephew, he had seen her as she was; Someone who was inexperienced with the Force, trying to figure things out one step at a time. Instead, in his paranoid state, Master Luke had gone back to shutting her out, keeping her at arms distance and seemingly waiting for the moment she would reveal her true nature.

His fear was now one that resided in her.

Except…things were different now. Or at least, that’s what she wanted to prove to herself.

Stood atop this mountain cliffside, the island never seemed so peaceful. The small enclosed room that sat just beyond the opening was still and silent, the fading sunlight from the day's sunset reflecting off the calm waters surface of the yin-yang that sat in the middle of the room, the rippling water painted across the caverns ceiling.

The island wind was unusually gentle, caressing her sun-kissed skin instead of whipping harshly across her face as it typically did. The air carried the salty scent of the ocean below, its murky gray waves nothing more than mere background noise as they crashed into the cliffside. Beyond the shadow of the island, the ocean had turned into a beautiful canvas of yellows, oranges, and reds, its sight instilling a sense of peace inside her that she needed right about now.

Rey’s gaze lingered over to the chunk of rock that sat upon the cliffs outcropping, feeling a familiar tug pull her towards it. This had been where she had first reached out to the Force, had truly felt the power of it flowing through her, through every single being in the Galaxy. The Force was _everything_ , and somehow nothing, at the same time.

Rey reaches out a hand, letting her palm glide over the rock's rough and worn surface. Its warmth seeped into her skin, having spent the day baking in Ahch-To’s sun. The warmth comforted her, but not as much as what she sensed lingering upon its surface.

It had been here. This is where Master Luke had taken his last stand, had taken up the mantle of The Jedi once more, of the Skywalker Legend. It was here that he not only faced down The First Order, but the person he believed he had failed most. The monster he deemed himself responsible for creating.

Rey pulled herself up on top of the rock, scooting closer to the edge of the outcropping before settling with her legs crossed, staring out to the seemingly never-ending horizon that stretched out before her. Closing her eyes, she could almost pretend that he was still here with her. Stood next to her as he once was, the exhilaration and giddiness she had briefly heard in his voice when she had _finally_ begun to grasp even the _concept_ of the Force, something that he hadn’t been able to share with another in a long, long time.

Now, that was gone. There was no-one here for her to confide in, no one to pass on the knowledge of the Force, of the Light, The Dark, The Jedi, and the Sith, knowledge that she so desperately needed. All she had now was herself, and this island. To somehow figure out all of this on her own. It seemed… Impossible.

“ _Rey…”_

Something was calling out to her. Delving so deep into her meditative state, it felt as if she no longer had control of her entire being. She felt buried in her mind, in the Force, like she was sinking down, down, down into the bottomless ocean. Her limbs felt heavy, surrounded and pinned down by something that was both weight-less yet dense. She was enveloped in it, she _was_ it. And there, somewhere within the endless infinity of darkness, _something_ was shining to her, pleading for her attention, impossible to ignore. It was right there, so close yet so far, and why shouldn’t she reach out and take it? Why shouldn’t she pull that feeling of ‘rightness’ towards her and-

“Rey?”

That… That wasn’t in her mind.

That was right in front of her.

Pulling herself out of that state felt like breaching the surface of a frozen ocean, a shocked gasp pushing from her lungs as her eyes snap open, wincing at the last of the days light. Even through her semi-blinded vision, she could see the silhouette of a figure blocking most of the light. Rey rubbed at her eyes, blinking in attempt to clear her vision, wary of the unknown person that stood before her.

“How did you do that?”

Kylo Ren stood in front of her, eyes wide with the most stunned look she thinks she’s ever seen from him, perhaps since the first time the Force had connected them.

“How did I do what?” Rey asked, still taken aback by their sudden connection.

“You forced the connection to open.” Kylo reveals, his eyes darting around his surroundings before settling on her. “I could feel you, calling out to me. I was never able to feel you through the Force like that, not unless I was focusing all my energy into it. This time, it was…It was _impossible_ to ignore. I reached out for it and then, I was here.”

“Wait-“ Rey stops him, holding out her hand as she scrambled to her feet. “-What do you mean _here?_ You’re not- You’re not really here, are you?”

“Maybe not. Truthfully, I do not know.” Kylo said, turning from her to gaze out at the view behind him. “But… There’s no limits to what I can see now. I can see _everything_. Not just you and what you interact with.”

“You can see the island?” Rey whispered, horrified.

“Island?” Kylo asked, turning back to face her with an eyebrow raised in questioning. “You’re on an island?”

“Stop trying to get information out of me.” Rey reprimanded him, more irritated at herself for giving away more than she should have.

Kylo raised his hands to her in an apparent sign of surrender, turning back around to face Ahch-To’s ocean.

“This is a beautiful place…” Kylo wondered out loud as Rey stepped beside him, joining him in his view gazing. “I can see why you came here.”

“It's very peaceful.” Rey agreed, a small smile etched on her face at the sight of a flock of Porgs flying by. “It’s a nice place to just…exist. Be by myself, for a while.”

“And here I am ruining it.” Kylo stated, his tone the closest thing to joking she thinks she’s ever heard from him. “Though, in my defense, _you_ were the one that brought me here.”

“And in _my_ defense, I didn’t know what I was doing.” Rey countered, crossing her arms both against his words, and to defend herself from the chill of the wind, notably colder now the sinking sun was sucking away the warmth the day brings.

“That’s quite apparent.” Kylo stated bluntly and, before Rey could object to his insult, he continued. “I can’t see any reason why you would want to see me. At least, not by your choice.”

Oh. That was… Not what she had been expecting from him.

“You make my days more interesting, that’s for sure.” Rey kept up the jokes, hoping it would keep away the inevitable bouts of bickering that came with this connection, at least for a _few_ minutes. “Besides, now I know how to cope with being kept on edge all day.”

“Then I suppose you’re welcome for that.”

Kylo took a few steps away from her, heading over to the rock she was sat upon a few seconds ago. His feet come to a halt just before it, his gaze lingering there for a few odd moments. Just like she had before, he stretches out a hand, holding it a few centimeters above its surface.

“Do you mind if I sit here?” Kylo asks her, finally tearing his eyes away from the rock to look up at her whilst he asks for her permission.

Rey can’t help but raise her eyebrows in disbelief at the fact that he was actually _asking_ her for permission before doing so. For as long as she’s known him, which admittedly hasn’t been _that_ long in the grand scheme of things, Kylo had always seemed like the more ‘ _Takes what he wants, does what he wants’_ kind of person. Despite the positiveness of it, seeing him act like a polite, decent human being left an uncomfortable feeling in her stomach. Nevertheless, she still nods him to take a seat.

Kylo nods his thanks, lowering himself down onto the rock. It doesn’t escape her notice the way his line of sight would frequently shift from the view ahead of him to her for the briefest of moments, nor the fact that he’s sitting so far to the side that he’s practically falling off, leaving ample room for her to take a seat if she wished to.

‘ _I probably shouldn’t. It would be a bad idea.’_

Is what flashes through her mind as she takes a seat next to him anyway.

“So… what happens to you when we do this?” Rey breaks the (astonishingly) comfortable silence they found themselves in. Kylo turns his head to the side to face her as she speaks, a small frown on his face as she does so.

“What do you mean?”

“Well this is… It’s different than the other times, isn’t it? We were just seeing each other wherever it was we were before, but not it seems like you’re actually here.”

“We don’t know that yet.”

“No, but… It _is_ different, you have to admit that. Where were you before, uh…”

“Before you pulled me by your side to an unknown island?” Kylo finished for her. “If you won’t tell me where you are, I don’t think it’s fair that I should have to reveal _my_ location.”

“What am I even going to do with that information? Fly all the way to you and take on the First Order all by myself?”

“I don’t see why not.” Kylo replied with a nonchalant shrug. “Isn’t that what was asked of the Last Jedi before you? Remind me what happened to him again?”

“Don’t you dare-“

“Oh, right.” Kylo interrupted. “He died right where we’re sitting.”

Rey could feel herself bristling up at his downright disrespectful comments towards their old master, not willing to let him get away with it, not without a few choice words of her own.

“Not before utterly humiliating _you_ , though.” Rey retorted, satisfied at the way she could see his posture tensing up, undoubtedly due to his growing irritation. “You had the chance to wipe out the entire Resistance, including _me_ , but you let yourself get distracted by old grudges.”

“You’re starting to sound like Hux.” Kylo grumbled under his breath. “I got what I wanted in the end, didn’t I? Luke Skywalker is dead.”

“By _his_ choice. Not by your hands.”

Kylo turned his seething glare to her.

“And I don’t believe that’s what you wanted. Not really.” Rey continued, matching his glare instead of backing down like she probably should do.

“And why’s that?”

“Because here you are, moping around and talking about it to me. You got what you _thought_ you wanted, but it didn’t make you happy, did it? Now, you don’t know what you want - and I think that scares you.”

“You say that like you know me.” Kylo says bitterly, the first to break the intense glaring match they had going on. “Who are you to tell me what I do and don’t want?”

“Prove me wrong then.” Rey contended. “What is it that you wanted? You claim you got what you wanted, for Luke Skywalker to be struck down, so now what? You achieved your goal. What else could you possibly want-“

“I wanted you to take my hand!” Kylo snapped, one of the rare times he raises his voice at her. It made Rey flinch slightly away from him, part of her expecting for him to completely lose his temper, possibly even strike out at her.

Kylo’s face softened in the realization that he had frightened her, an uncharacteristic look of shame crossing his features as his anger began to ebb away. He sighed at this, leaning forward and looking down at his hands that hung together between his knees.

“I thought it was something you wanted, too.” Kylo continued, his tone much softer than it was before. “Or _would_ have wanted, if I was to offer it. I had hoped that, even if it wasn’t something you had thought of wanting, you might change your mind once I asked you to join me. Obviously, we saw what that resulted in.”

“Yeah…” Rey said, somewhat awkwardly. “And as much as I hate to say it…I did want to take your hand-”

Kylo’s head snapped to her, a look of disbelief and, if she looked hard enough, a little bit of hope on his face at her words.

“-Bens hand.” Rey finished, just two words enough to crush Kylo’s spirits. “Maybe if you showed you had a heart, if you had helped me save the fleeing Resistance, showed me _some_ semblance of compassion, of _kindness,_ then maybe… Maybe I would have thought you were trying to change the Galaxy for the better. Maybe I would have taken your hand.”

“Then I guess it’s a shame that man’s not here anymore.” Kylo noted bitterly, turning his gaze back towards the ocean, its surface steadily turning darker with the approaching night.

“If he’s not here anymore, then tell me this-“ Rey got his attention focused back on her, turning his head a small amount to face her. “-Why is he sitting right in front of me?”

Kylo couldn’t tear his eyes away from her, unable to comprehend why someone such as her would be so _insistent_ on trying to save him, whatever that meant. She had no doubt heard of the horrific deeds he had done, having _seen_ some of them with her own eyes. Even worse was the fact that some of them- he had even done _to_ her. In his mind, it simply didn’t make sense.

At the first sign of him falling to the Dark, his parents had shipped him off to Luke Skywalker, hoping the legendary Jedi would be able to push down that side, teach him to harness those powers for the ‘better’. Truthfully, he thought he was too ignorant as a child, had thought that it was possible for his uncle to set him back on ‘the right track.’ All that was shattered the night he awoke to his Uncle stood above him, with lightsaber in hand, and the intent to murder gleaming in his eyes.

She should have given up by now. It was what he was used to.

And yet, here she was.

He didn’t deserve it. Didn’t deserve _her._

“Your weapon-“ Kylo blurted, the sudden change in topic making Rey raise her eyebrow at him. “-The staff.”

Rey turned to where Kylo was gesturing, seeing where she had placed her staff when she climbed up to this place, leaving it leaning by the wall of the entrance leading to the inside of the yin-yang room.

“What about it?” Rey asked, somewhat confused as to where this discussion was going.

“You had it on you when we spoke a few days ago. And you have it now.”

“Your point being…?”

“Why are you back to using your staff? Why aren’t you using your- _my grandfathers-_ saber?”

“Did you get a concussion after the blast knocked you out?” Rey asked, her response making Kylo frown at her. “It split in half, remember? It doesn’t work anymore.”

Kylo’s frown stayed glued on his face.

“You haven’t fixed it yet?”

Now it was Rey’s turn to frown.

“You can fix it?”

Kylo’s first instinct was to respond with ‘Of course it can be fixed’, but had to remind himself that Rey was very, _very_ new to all of this, and still had so much more to learn. Except, who would she learn it from now? While, regretfully, Skywalker had been teaching her, he was one of the only ones left, besides him, that had such knowledge of the Force to pass on. Now that he was gone, who did she have left to learn from?

The answer was obvious: him. Except, there was one problem to this; Rey would never accept his help, even if she _needed_ it. She was very stubborn like that.

It was strangely endearing.

“Luke didn’t teach you about that?” Kylo asked in surprise. “Its one of the most important paths to becoming a Jedi; learning how to construct your own saber, knowing how to keep it functioning.”

“We didn’t really have much time.” Rey pointed out. “But… I can fix Luke’s saber? Really?”

“So long as the crystal isn’t damaged too much, but…Do you really want to use my grandfather's saber as your own?”

“Are you just saying that because you want it?” Rey said with just a hint of a smirk on her face.

“Partly,” Kylo admitted. “But also because it's almost like a rite of passage; Constructing your own saber is one of the most enthralling parts of being a Force User. It can be frustrating and time-consuming, yes, but _nothing_ compares to when you ignite your own saber for the first time. Knowing its truly _yours.”_

“Did you make one then?” Rey asked him. “Back when you were Master Luke’s student?”

Kylo answered by unclipping his saber from his belt, holding it in his hands for a moment before holding it out for her to take. Rey did so somewhat hesitantly, taken aback by the fact that this was the _second_ time he had willingly handed over his saber to her.

“The saber I use now? It was modified. This is the saber I made under Skywalkers' teachings.”

All of a sudden, the saber in her hands seemed to hold a completely different meaning. It wasn’t just the saber of Kylo Ren.

It was also once the saber of Ben Solo.

The weight of the saber always surprised her, but served as a better explanation for his fighting style. When she had seen Luke’s form in training, he was agile, moving with grace, fast and accurate. Kylo’s style was one of a brute; heavy movements laced with power, used to overwhelm and overpower his foes with one solid strike. With a hefty saber like this, there was no way he could be as light and fluid as Luke was.

The saber was sleek and black, though clearly well used judging by the scuff marks and overall weathered appearance. The bottom of the saber, where she assumed the Kyber crystal was contained, had been painted red, whilst the main chamber was a brilliant silver, perhaps a hint of the saber it once was. A section of the saber attached to the side was most likely once a shining gold, but was now scuffed to the point it had begun to fade. A crimson red wire ran from the bottom interior of the saber, running up the side of its body, held close by silver clips, leading to an exposed interior near the top of the hilt from which it disappeared from sight. From the top of the saber came two ports, once likely the same matte black of the saber had now turned into a ring of colors, its metal oxidized from the intense heat of the blades.

“The body was mostly the same, except for the color of course; that was much lighter.” Kylo tells her, confirming her suspicions as to the color of his original saber.

“What color was the blade?” Rey asked him, keeping her eyes on the saber as she turned it around in her hands.

“The same as the crystal.” Kylo answered her. “It was blue.”

“But your blade’s red.” Rey points out. “Did you get a different crystal?”

“No, same crystal. I used a method most Dark users use; I bled the crystal.”

“You…Made it bleed?”

“I bled my emotions into the crystal.” Kylo answered. “All the hate, anger, my fear and my pain, I forced that into my Kyber crystal. The process is…It’s unpleasant.”

“As in it hurt?”

“Not in the way you might think. You see, a Kyber Crystal is naturally aligned to the light side of the Force. To change it like this is, in a way, against the natural order. It resisted the process. But, eventually, with persistence, the crystal will bend to your will. As did mine. As did my grandfathers.”

“But I have your grandfather saber, don’t I?”

“That you do. That is the saber of Anakin Skywalker. The saber of Darth Vader was one he took from a Jedi Master, which he bled to make his own.”

Kylo leaned closer to her, tapping on the ports of his saber that stuck out of the side.

“These ports here turn the saber into a Crossguard saber. As you’ve seen, the energy from the crystal gets dispersed into three different ports, so that way you get the main blade and the side blades.”

“Your blades are different from ones I’ve seen.” Rey said. “Yours look…Crackly?”

“That was…an unintentional design to my saber.” Kylo admitted. “It was a combination of a few things. I’ll admit that my saber construction skills were… flawed. When I bled my Kyber crystal, the crystal cracked. This made the energy that came from the crystal unstable and volatile-“

“Kind of like its owner…” Rey muttered under her breath, loud enough for Kylo to hear.

“-And” Kylo continued, pretending he hadn’t heard that comment. “-That meant the crystal gave off a _lot_ of heat. Too much for my saber. If I didn’t want my saber to blow up in my hands every time I turned it on, I was going to have to make some modifications.”

“These vents help to get some air into the saber, as well as letting some of the excess heat to escape.” Kylo continued as he pointed to the vents that ran along the side of his saber, running his finger along its side.

“And what about this?” Rey asks, running her finger along the deep red wire that ran alongside the external of the saber. “Why is this here? Aren’t the wires supposed to be on the inside?”

“The wire helps to provide the side blades with extra power. Most of my saber is exposed because it helps keep the temperature down, and it’s easier for me to modify my saber, or repair it, if need be.”

“Have you ever needed to repair it?”

“Yes – After a certain scavenger girl damaged it with a strike from my Grandfather’s saber.”

“Oh…”

“Oh indeed. I had to replace the casing with a new one.”

“What about the rest of the saber? Can’t you repair that? If it’s unstable as you say, wouldn’t that make it dangerous to you?”

“It hasn’t let me down so far.” Kylo replied nonchalantly. “I prefer it this way, if I’m being honest with you. It fits me.”

‘ _A broken toy for a broken man’_ , Rey thinks to herself.

“Do you really think I can make my own?” Rey asks rather sheepishly, annoyed by the fact that she was doubting her own abilities, as so many have in the past.

Kylo didn’t answer at first, taking some time to mull over his response. He stretched out his hand to her, gesturing for his lightsaber to be returned to its rightful owner. Rey places it gently back in his hands, missing the times she was able to use her own.

“With your abilities in the Force? I have no doubt.” Kylo finally answered. “So long as you have someone with the knowledge there to guide you.”

It didn’t take long for Rey to realize what he was hinting at.

“ _You_ want to help me?” Rey asked, astounded. “Why would you want to put a weapon like that back in my hands?”

“Because if you’re so certain you must head down this path, I’d rather you didn’t throw yourself into reckless situations without one.”

“Wouldn’t that be better for you?”

“No.” Kylo replied simply. “This may come as a surprise to you Rey, but I do care about you. I probably shouldn’t, but… it is what it is.”

“Ben…”  
  
“And besides-“ Kylo interrupted what he was sure would be a speech he isn’t prepared to handle, at least not right now. “If we’re to have this ‘fair fight’ at some point, it wouldn’t be very fair if you didn’t have a lightsaber, now would it?”

As annoyed as she was at him for cutting her off, he did raise a good point.

Rey turned away from him, reaching for the sand scratched bag that sat by her waist. Flipping open its top, she reaches her hands in and pulls out a bundle of cloth, closing the bag back up as she places the lump of fabric between them. Kylo looks between the bundle and her in questioning, before Rey gestures a hand at it. With her permission, Kylo opens the corners of the cloth, revealing the two halves of Anakin’s saber. The edges were cracked and sharp, an unclean cut formed from the explosion of their combined powers within the Force.

But that wasn’t what he was focused on.

Because inside of the saber, within its main chamber, Kylo could already see it was a lost cause. Gently prying what little of it left he could out from its holder, Kylo revealed to Rey the shattered remains of the Kyber crystal that had once served its original owner, his son, and then her.

“I’m afraid this will be unusable.” Kylo informs her, a pang of sadness in his chest for the loss of a weapon infused with such history. “Sometimes, a damaged crystal can still be used, but in this condition? There’s nothing to salvage from it.”

Kylo held out the weapon to her, allowing her to take them from his hands, for her to mourn the weapon she once used, despite it being used against him. Even if it wasn’t _her_ saber, it was still the first she wielded. She had a connection with that weapon and, as such, is a painful loss to bear.

“I’ll have to find my own crystal then, won't I?” Rey asked him, mournfully tucking the saber back into it’s resting place within her bag. “Master Luke, he left some books behind. I can’t make sense of most of them, but some were written _by_ him, from his days as a Jedi Master. He talked about how there was a planet he would take his padawans to, for them to select their crystal?”

“I went there myself.” Kylo confirmed with a nod of his head. “It’s a rite of passage, among the Jedi Order. It’s a tradition that’s lasted for thousands of years, in which Padawans must find and harvest their Kyber Crystal, to use in their sabers. They call it ‘The Gathering’.”

“Do you just pick them at random? The crystals?”

“No. It’s…You’re called to your crystal. The Force guides you to it, and when you find it? You know it’s the one. It just feels… _Right_.”

“That’s where I need to go, then. To Illum.”

“It would have been, yes. If you and your friends hadn’t destroyed it.”

“ _Destroyed_ it? When did we-“

“Do you not remember Star-Killer base? The Empire had occupied that planet with decades, using it a mining planet, gathering Kyber Crystals that were essential in the construction of the Death Stars. When the First Order rose to power, we used the trench within the planet to construct our own base. Unfortunately, the Resistance chose to destroy such a valuable planet.”

“You were destroying planets!  
  
“We were wiping out those that threatened to defy us. It’s a necessary evil to stabilizing this Galaxy.”

Sometimes, she thinks she’s close to getting to him, to finding the man she knows is buried deep down within the puppet that is Kylo Ren. Then, when she’s so tantalizingly close, Kylo Ren buries him further down, insistent on keeping him from seeing the light of day.

“What happened, happened.” Kylo did his best to wipe away the brewing argument. “The point of the matter is, Illum is no more. Just another star within the Galaxy.”

“That’s it then?” Rey asked, feeling her hope deflate. “I can’t get a Kyber crystal? There will be no more lightsabers?”

“Just because the Jedi were so focused on Illum does not mean it’s the only source of Kyber Crystals.” Kylo states, only partly able to hold back the resentment in his tone at the name of the Jedi. “It's rare, yes, but there are other planets within the system where Kyber Crystals naturally form. One of these, the First Order knows the location of. And, by extension, me.”

“How do I get there?”

“By yourself? You couldn’t.”

“And why not?”

“The planet is occupied by the First Order. Being that Kyber Crystals are such a valuable resource, it is heavily guarded. No one even travels _near_ the planet without the First Order knowing about it. If an unknown ship was to breach its atmosphere, it would be shot down within seconds, and the wreckage would be investigated for the unlikely case of survivors.”

“So, what’s the point of telling me about this planet if I can't go there?” Rey asked, feeling mildly frustrated by all this.

“You can go there.” Kylo asserted. “But you’d have to be escorted in by a member of the First Order. Preferably by someone in a high position of power; and I don’t think it gets any higher than Supreme Leader.”

“Ben, I _swear_ , if you’re trying to make a deal with me where you’ll only help me if I agree to join you-

“That’s not what this is.” Kylo quickly cut her off, not wanting her to get the wrong idea. “There’s no conditions to this offering, I only want to help you in finding your way within the Force. There must be some reason the Force has connected us, and I can’t believe it for us to kill one another. So, I’ll make use of the connection it gives us, these small moments we have to speak, and I’ll offer you my guidance within the Force whenever I can. You have so much potential within you Rey, and as much as I want you by my side in this, I know it’s not something I can force you to do. Forced loyalties are ones that are doomed to end in betrayal, and I don’t want that. Not for us. Whether you choose to be by my side is a choice you must come to on your own.”

“I want to believe you,” Rey whispered to him. “But it would be foolish of me to.”

“You trusted me once, when you came to me on the Supremacy. You helped awaken me to the way Snoke was manipulating me. He gave me the order to execute you, and I _couldn’t do it._ What makes you think I could do it now?”

“Things change.” Rey uttered, shaking her head sombrely at him. “Besides, I’m not willing to risk my location. I can’t let this place fall into the hands of the First Order.”

“Then how about a compromise?” Kylo offered, scheming a plan in his mind. “I won’t meet you here, wherever this is, but on a different planet. Away from any settlements, to ensure no one spots us. From there, I can transport you to where you need to go and sneak you in.”

“This seems dangerous, Ben.”

“It is. But there’s no reward without risk.”

“Okay… Okay, say I go along with this plan of yours. Where do you propose we meet?”

“I’m assuming you haven’t traveled much?”

“Not really.”

“Then I think there’s a planet that’s perfect for our needs; fairly isolated, out in the middle of nowhere, and you’re quite familiar with it…”

_Of course._

“You asshole.”

And then, she hears a wonderful sound, one that she never would have expected she’d be able to experience in her entire life:

Kylo Ren _laughed._

Truthfully, it was more of a snort than anything, and it seemed to take him by surprise more than it did her, but oh, how it was such a _joy_ to hear. There were times where she was sure Ben Solo had been replaced by a tyrannical droid that only gained joy from murder, so moments like these when she felt she was seeing the _true_ him leaking through were ones she would hold onto. Pieces of evidence that there was still a _chance_ that, one day, she may get to see the real Ben Solo be reborn.

“You’re seriously asking me to return to Jakku? _Really?”_ She asked, fighting down her own bouts of laughter at how distraught he looked for allowing himself to laugh. “That was kind of the one place I never wanted to return to.”

“If you have a better idea, I’m all ears.” Kylo retorted and, to her delight, she could see a faint blush appearing on his face.

“Fine.” Rey gave in, standing from the rock they were sat upon. “There’s a ship graveyard called Niima outpost. Few miles west of there, you’ll spot a fallen Star Destroyer and, not too far from there, a collapsed AT-AT. Give me a few days to prepare and then… You can come find me there.”

Rey walked over to the entrance of the yin-yang room, collecting her staff from the wall and holding it close. She turned to face Ben, who had turned from his seated position facing the ocean to instead face her, and sighed at his inquisitive gaze.

“I still think this is a stupid decision on my part.” She tells him. “ _Please_ , don’t make me regret it.”

“You won’t.” Kylo vows.

“Then, in that case… I suppose I’ll see you in a few days.”

And then, just before his figure fades from view, she hears him speak in a voice so timid and gentle, she isn’t entirely sure he had _meant_ for her to hear it.

“I look forward to it.”


	4. An Uncertain Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roughly ten minutes later, Rey finds herself settled down on her old cot with a scratchy thin blanket draped over her, peering into the darkness of her AT-AT in disbelief at the fact that Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader of the First Order, is currently laying on the floor, pressed up against the wall with an even older, more tattered blanket than her own, that of which barely covered him.
> 
> In the small sliver of moonlight that peeks in through the cracks of the AT-AT, Kylo catches sight of some glinting scuff marks reflecting back at him. Peering closer, he realizes that these marks are in fact tally marks, scratched into the wall roughly over time, spreading up and up the wall he is laid next to.
> 
> “Rey?” Kylo whispers into the silence of the night, not worrying about waking Rey, seeing as he could see her eyes reflecting at him in the darkness. “What are these marks for?”
> 
> “The tally?” Rey asks for confirmation, even though she knows it’s the only thing he can be referring to. “They count the number of days I was here.”
> 
> The room falls back into silence, this one much more unpleasant than the one before. After a few seconds more of this, Kylo dares to speak again.
> 
> “Rey… How long were you here for?”

It had been a tremendously, idiotically, irresponsible decision to make. Rey knew it now, and she had known it the second she had agreed to meet with him on Jakku. You would think that if she knew it even then, she wouldn’t have agreed. And yet, here she was, climbing aboard the Falcon with a few canteens of collected water and some homemade rations, ready to fly to a planet she once called home, to meet with the Supreme Leader of the First Order, a man she once thought redeemable.

‘ _This could so easily be a trap.’_ Rey thinks to herself as she flings her bag down beside the seats in the cockpit, flopping down into the pilot’s seat with a huff. _‘It would be the perfect plan; Lure me to him with the promise of something I can’t refuse, take me to a place I know to lure me into a false sense of security, then kill me just when I’m finally starting to feel safe around him.’_ She continues to think as she runs through the Falcons pre-flights checks, flipping various switches and pushing down many different buttons as the Falcons engines roar to life.

She _wanted_ to trust him. She really, _really_ did. It would make things so much easier. Then again, she would be lying if she said she mistrusted him _completely_. For a good long while now, there had been something that kept her drawn to him, growing steadily stronger every time the Force had connected them. It had been strong enough that she truly believed that just by _going_ to him, she would be able to turn him. It had been wishful thinking, yes, and she had felt like she was _so_ close to achieving that. Which is probably why it hurt as much as it did when he began spouting nonsense about leading a new First Order like it was words from a textbook; something he had been thinking of for a while, perhaps. Had that really been his goal? To one day murder his Master, and for them to rise as leaders of a new power within the Galaxy? And for how _long_? When she had come to him on the Supremacy? When they had touched hands over the Force? When he had first seen her?

Such thoughts were whirling through her mind as she increased the Falcons thrust, feeling the lurch from the ship as it lifted from the ground. A few startled Porgs hurriedly flew past the Falcon, their squawks of complaints barely heard over the Falcons powerful engines. Rey let her hand linger on the lever for the thrusters for a few moments as she contemplated whether it was too late to just switch everything off and back out of this deal, but before she knew it, she had pushed the lever forward and the Falcon was rising higher and higher into the sky.

Any more thoughts of Kylo Ren were pushed into the back of her mind as her pilot mode took over, pushing the nose of the ship up and fully activating the thrusters. Rey winced slightly when her head slammed into the headrest as the Falcon burst through Ahch-To’s atmosphere and into the deep, dark depths of space. She allowed herself a few seconds to take in the beauty of the countless stars that surrounded her, reveling in the sense of freedom she felt whenever she flew, something she yearned for every day she spent sweating and exerting herself on the very planet she was headed for right now. With a few more taps on the Falcons console (and a few groans of protest from the ship itself), Rey enters the coordinates of Jakku and puts the ship into Hyperspeed.

Now, with the Galaxies stars whirring past too fast for her to fully see, Rey finds the thought of Kylo Ren once again sneaking back to the forefront of her mind. It was frustrating, to say the least. She can’t remember the last time her mind had let her go even a day without reminding her of him. Sometimes the thoughts would come from nowhere, something so simple as a flash of an image of him: Of the time he was dressed fully in black, mask still in place as he circled her frozen form like a predator that already knows it’s won. Or of the time she awoke chained to what she could only describe as a standing table to see that horrid mask staring back at her. In that moment, when her jabs had finally got him to remove his helmet, she had thought she might actually prefer him with the mask. Because now, she had a face to match the name. Now, she could see he was human just as she was, a young man with eyes so dark and blank that she could tell he had seen too many countless horrors that no one ever should. Perhaps, _nearly_ the worst is a more recent memory, of when he had held out his hand to her, offering her what he thought would be all that she wanted. She can see his pleading face just as clearly as if she was in that red encompassed room once again.

‘ _I wanted you to take my hand!’_

He did. He _genuinely_ did. It hadn’t struck her just how much he had wanted for her to join him until he had snapped at her atop that cliffside, letting his inner mask slip away for her to see the painful frown etched into his face at his own words, showing her just how much he _truly_ meant them. She may not have wanted to rule the galaxy with Kylo Ren, but Kylo Ren certainly wanted to rule it with _her._

It wasn’t the worst though.

No, the worst thing to pop into her head wasn’t a memory of him, nor even the times when he _actually_ appears.

It’s of that damn vision.

The one thing that brings her back to him every time, the one piece of hope she desperately clings to, the only thing she has left to convince herself that somewhere hidden deep down within that monster is who the Force had shown to her; a man dressed in light-colored slacks and an airy shirt, adorned with a coarse black vest (of course, there was no way she could convince him not to wear _any_ black). A man with a huge, goofy grin on his face, wide enough to proudly display the gleaming toothy smile he had inherited from his father, his joyful smile directed at her with an arm slung around her shoulders, pulling her into his side with a burst of giddy laughter so contagious, she couldn’t help but join him.

He was _happy._ And, stood by his side, so she was she.

That vision, that _promise_ of what was meant to be, had been the reason why she had felt her hand twitching by her side at the throne room, a part of her so eager to throw caution to the wind and just grab his hand. Because what if this was how it came to be? What if she was _meant_ to take his hand, to go down this path and be by his side? Perhaps then, being as close to him as he had obviously hoped they would become, she would find a way to turn him. Hopefully, before he could do the same to her.

But she _couldn’t._ Because to go down that path, she would have had to stand back and watch as the Resistance finally met its end. She would have to do _nothing_ but watch as the only friends she has in this galaxy are blown apart on the commands of the man she was meant to lead beside, and how could she _possibly_ do that? Her friends had sent her on this task, to find one of the last known Jedi to help find a way to end this war, to bring down the Final Order and restore peace. How could she possibly live with herself if she betrayed their trust, betrayed what it meant to be a Jedi, and instead be not only a bystander but an active participant in their deaths?

Kriff, she _wanted_ for that vision to come true. But if that’s what it took for it to happen? She would rather have the vision of who Kylo Ren could be haunting her than the deaths of so many innocents.

Except… Except what if that’s not true? Kylo Ren had already massacred millions of innocent people under the command of his master, but now? Now, as Supreme Leader, she feared her rejection may have turned him resentful towards her, may have burnt out the last remaining bit of Light he had within him and pushed him fully into the Dark. What if, by saving the lives of a few, she may have doomed the lives of millions more?

Rey groaned in frustration, ignoring the stab of pain she felt in her head as she slammed it down on the console of the Falcon, the ache only slightly soothed by its cool surface. With an exasperated grunt, Rey turned her head to the side, catching sight of the empty and somewhat dirty co-pilot’s seat beside her.

She wondered what Chewie would say if he was here right now. She imagined a lot of Wookiee curses at her stupidity for _willingly_ flying to a planet already full of murderous people to meet with an even _worse_ murderer. Back on the Resistance base, she had worked up enough courage one night to ask the Wookiee what Ben used to be like. He was one of the only person left alive she knew besides Leia who could tell her about him, and bringing him up to the General seemed like a very bad idea, especially when she was trying to keep her connection between her son and herself as much as a secret as possible. Chewie had been rather reluctant to talk about him, and the small bits of information she could pry from him obviously pained the Wookiee to speak about; she imagined any memory of Ben brought up even more memories about Han, and considering how much his death pains her with how little time she had to know him, she couldn’t even imagine the pain Chewie must feel at his death, by the hands of his own son.

He had told her some tidbits of information; like how the mess of black hair he had was similar to the one he had as a child, only slightly more tamed and managed. Through that mop of hair (that he apparently fought his mother tooth and nail not to have cut) stood out a pair of ears that his mother hoped he would grow into, and got him into a _lot_ of trouble when he would overhear important conversations his mother had (and, on occasion, one too many fights between herself and Han). Chewie told her of the times Ben would be aboard the Falcon, of teaching him all the tips and tricks he knew on the Falcons old and kind of glitchy Holochess table, of watching the small young boy sat upon his fathers lap in the cockpit, giggling in delight at his father's half-assed reprimands as Ben happily pushed at all the colorful buttons that lit up the Falcons console. Or, of the times where the young toddler would cling to _him_ instead, pulling and yanking at his fur in his fun, to which the only way the Wookiee could get him to stop was by holding him close (and making a sound that Chewie would tell you was certainly _NOT_ a form of purring.)

But, Chewie had also told her that perhaps the reason most of his memories had been of Ben as a happy child was, perhaps, because of how little he truly saw of him. Han had never been one to settle down for too long, and the life he led was not one he could easily give up cold turkey. He had tried, the Wookiee had insisted, as hard as could to settle down somewhat after receiving the news that he would be expecting his first child. But, instead of leading a life of a baby-sitter as Chewie had expected himself to be condemned to, he had been back in the co-pilot's seat before he knew it, Han besides him as he always was.

Han loved Ben. She knew that, but if she were to look at things from Ben's perspective, of living the life that he had… She hated to admit it, but she could start to see how Ben had ended up this way.

Rey groaned once more, letting her head fall into her hands and rubbing at her tired eyes until the bright spots of light behind her eyelids began to fade away. Perhaps the fact that she was beginning to sympathize with Kylo Ren was another sign that all of this was a bad idea…

* * *

The Falcon gave a small shake as the ship exited hyperspace, the stream of stars above her head returning to their usual dotted selves amongst the infinite spread of darkness. Right in front of her was the gigantic pale orb that was Jakku, taking up most of her view from the Falcons cockpit windshield.

“Home Sweet Home…” Rey murmured to herself as she steered the Falcon towards the direction of Niima Outpost.

The Falcon broke through the atmosphere easily, barely a shake as it pushed through Jakkus minimal layers of cloud. As soon as the outpost came into sight, she pulled the Falcon out of its descent, not wanting to get too close for anyone to spot the ship. She had no doubt Plutt was still enraged by the theft of the ship, and she didn’t want to know what he would do if he found out she was the one responsible. Not to mention the fact she was sure some would attempt to shoot it down for the chance to scavenge what survives the inevitable crash…

The fallen Star Destroyers were the first things she saw, a never moving landmark amongst the never-ending dunes of sand. Those ships had been there long before she had even been born, and she was sure they would exist for many more decades. In fact, they would probably lie in their graves for the rest of the systems life, simply too immense to ever be picked clean by even the most determined of scrap collectors.

The AT-AT she once used to take shelter in was nothing but a small silver dot amongst the endless stretch of sand in front of her, easily missed if she wasn’t as familiar with the area as she was. Even after all this time spent away, it was still ingrained in her mind. Perhaps a part of her refused to believe she would ever truly leave this place, that she would have to remember every single detail of how she survived these past years for when she inevitably returns to the life of a scavenger…

The Falcon lands smoothly as it always does thanks to her constant tinkering, setting the ship down on the flattest bit of land she could find (and she _knew_ for certain wouldn’t be a sinking pit…Those were always a nasty surprise). The unrelenting, dry heat of the planet hits her as the Falcons landing door creaks open, the scorching wind blowing irritating grains of sand straight into her face.

“Maybe Kylo had the right idea with the mask.” She complains under her breath as she secures her bag to her waist and tightens her grip on her staff. Rey steps onto the familiar sinking sand, it’s almost unbearable warmth wrapping around her feet as they sink further down with each step.

It was surprising how quickly she had acclimatized to Ahch-To’s colder climate, considering she had spent most of her life in this burning heat. Right now, she would rather face the cold chills of Ahch-To’s wind than the scorching temperatures of Jakku’s sun as it beat down on her from above. Then again, there were many times on Ahch-To as she struggled to see, let alone walk through the freezing rain that pelted her, wishing for the warmth of Jakku.

Rey stopped monetarily when the AT-AT came into view, much bigger than a silver speck now she was walking down on the ground. She spins around, taking in as much as the horizon as she can, not seeing any sign of any visitors, both unwelcome and… Well, she supposed ‘welcome’, considering she technically invited him here.

(Except he was the one that suggested this damn planet…)

It wasn’t all that surprising that he wasn’t here yet. Considering she had no idea where exactly he was traveling from, it may take him longer to get here than it did for her. She was actually kind of thankful for it. If she was being honest, she wasn’t entirely ready to face him quite yet. Speaking together through the Force was one thing, but to stand face to face… It didn’t _seem_ that different, but there’s something about it… That pull that’s always trying to bring her closer to him, it magnifies in ways she can’t even begin to explain. It’s a feeling she knows he experiences too, or at least thinks he does, considering the fact that he’s constantly entering her personal space. Knowing him, he probably isn’t even aware he’s doing it…

After a quick perimeter sweep of the area, Rey finds she can no longer bear to walk any longer on the burning sand, even if the temperature was starting to drop as night approached. The interior of the AT-AT brings with it a welcome shade, and she can’t help but let out a pleased sigh at escaping the sweltering heat that seemed intent on draining every bit of energy she had. Rey plops herself down on a chair of sorts, made of metal and other sturdy materials she was able to scavenge from various ships, only made bearable by the miraculously luxury fabric she had procured from what must have been once a very wealthy (but now obviously quite unlucky) individual.

The dry scratchiness in her throat became too much to ignore, hurriedly ripping open the top of her bag and searching through its contents before pulling out a canteen of water she had brought with her. It was far from cold, but right now, she couldn’t care less. Even lukewarm, it was one of the most satisfying drinks she had ever had in her life.

It’s just as she goes to take another ~~sip~~ _gulp_ of water that she hears the screeching sound of a ship’s engine zipping past. The canteen remains frozen by her lips as she listens out for it, hearing the deafening sounds gradually become quieter and quieter, until she can no longer hear it. Whatever had flown by had flown low to the ground. No pilot flies that low when they have a set destination in mind; rather only when they’re looking for something.

Either someone was looking for her, or she was going to have to face Kylo earlier than she thought.

She wasn’t sure which one she preferred it to be.

With one last deep gulp of water, Rey tightens the cap of her canteen and stores it back in her bag, which she then promptly stored in a hidden corner of her makeshift shelter where it would hopefully stay somewhat cool. Quickening her pace, Rey makes her way out of the only shelter that was ever her own, wincing at the blinding light of the setting sun that threatened to burn her retinas. Rey lifts her hand to shield the worst of the sun's rays from her eyes, peering out in the direction she thought she heard the ship head towards.

Any moisture she had regained seemed to disappear from her throat the second she caught sight of his familiar silhouette against the backdrop of Jakku’s sunset, his flowing cloak floating behind him as it gets caught in the currents of the wind. In the distance, she could just about make out the intimidating shape of his shuttle, its shadowy pointed wings standing tall and proud like a beacon in the sky. Even from here, she could tell he was wearing his mask, something that oddly disappointed her. Although this time he had decided to forgo the hood on top, something she found gave him a much less menacing appearance.

Rey didn’t know what she was supposed to do right now. Was she supposed to walk over to him? Meet him halfway? Or just stand here and wait for him to arrive? The latter she decides is the best course of action, and as she comes to this decision, Kylo comes to a standstill. There they stand, two Force users having a standoff in the middle of a desert, with miles and miles of nothingness surrounding them and no one else in sight. A bout of uneasiness flares up at his frozen form, bringing her staff in front of her in the hopes he gets the message that she’s armed and ready to defend herself if need be. Her eyes remain glued to his side, where she knows for a fact his saber rests, waiting for the inevitable moment his hand goes to grab it.

But it never comes.

Instead, after an agonizing few seconds that felt much longer than that, Kylo continues to walk towards her. It was sort of strange, when she thought about it, that watching someone standstill was more terrifying than someone advancing towards you. That was just what it was like with Kylo, though. When he was stood still like that, she knew he was calculating something in his head, and no matter what you could possibly anticipate him doing, you would never be able to fully counter him. When he’s advancing towards you, it’s because, in his mind, he’s already won the upcoming battle, and _that’s_ one of his greatest weaknesses. She knows that the best opportunity she has to outthink him is when he displays the cockiness and overconfidence of his father.

And Kriff, does she fear the day he stops doing that.

It wasn’t exactly like he was _charging_ at her, but then again, in their previous chases, Kylo always seemed to… _Stalk_ towards her. Perhaps another sign of his cockiness, that belief that he’s going to catch her no matter what, so he doesn’t need to hurry in his pace. Although, she wouldn’t say he was stalking her right now. On top of that, she’s not exactly running away from him this time, so really its more like he’s strolling towards her, casually, as if to say ‘Hi’ to an old friend while you’re out on a walk, not like you’re meeting face to face with the person you were once ordered to kill.

It takes him only a few minutes to reach her, coming to a stop just a few steps away from her. From here she can just about hear his somewhat labored breath emitting from his mask, most likely caught off guard by the exertion of trudging through deep sand. The sounds of his breathing are oddly mechanical sounding, no doubt due to being manipulated from whatever voice modifier he has built into his helmet. Kylo spends a good couple of seconds simply looking at her before glancing off to his right, scanning the area for a moment before he speaks.

“I assume you’ve performed a perimeter check?”

“As I did every night I spent here in the past.” Rey answers him, her fingers twitching against the heated metal handle of her staff, an unusually tense feeling sweeping over her, more so than usual when she spoke to him in the past. “Didn’t see much either when flying over- which I imagine you’ve done as well. Not a soul in sight, from what I could see.”

“Good,” Kylo states, turning his head back to face her before reaching his hands up to unlatch his helmet, yanking his helmet off his head to reveal black locks that were matted to his head with sweat.

“This is just a security measure- Less people see my face, the better,” Kylo tells her, letting the helmet hang by his side as he raises his other leather-clad hand to wipe his drenched hair out of his eyes. “ _Kriff,_ I forgot how much I hate sand. Stuff gets everywhere…”

And as she watches this six-foot man covered head to toe in thick black clothing, in the middle of a _desert,_ with what can only be described as a pout on his face as he makes a miserable attempt to shake the sand out from his comically oversized boots, she starts to feel just a little bit better about accepting his offer. 

* * *

“This… Was your home?” Kylo asks in disbelief as he ducks through the entrance of the AT-AT, glancing around at the space she’d made for herself. “There’s not much room.”

“I don’t need much room. I spent most of my time in cramped sections of ships looking for parts anyway, so this was more space than I’m used to,” Rey answers with a nonchalant shrug of her shoulders, resting her staff against a make-shift table before sitting back down where she was before going outside. “This was just a place for me to eat and rest before heading out again. You don’t need much for that; just a roof and four walls to shelter you from the elements and other scavengers.”

“Just enough to survive,” Kylo notes sadly, gazing around at the dark and cramped room they were in. “Doesn’t matter, this should be the last time you have to see this place, nothing more than a meeting place.”

“Yeah… What’s one more night, right?”

“Wait, what?” Kylo asks, his head snapping to face her. “What do you mean ‘ _one more night?’_ We’re leaving now, aren’t we?”

“Um, I don’t know about you, but I’ve spent the last fifteen hours flying to get here, on top of busting my ass for the past few days making sure I was even _ready_ for this trip of ours, and I’m _exhausted._ I’m not risking the Falcon flying tired like that.”

“We’re not talking that _ship_ ,” Kylo told her with a tone of finality.

“ _What?! Why not?_ What is it with you and this damn grudge with this ship?”

“It’s not about a… _grudge.”_ Kylo practically spat the last word, not helping his argument in the slightest. “That ship is a _very_ well-known ship. Do you think it’s a good idea to show up at a First Order inhabited planet in a ship that’s associated with both a Hero Rebel _and_ the Resistance? We’d be shot down before I could even identify myself. Not the best plan for ‘ _sneaking in’._ ”

“Alright,” Rey said miserably, unable to counter his points. “But I still need sleep, and unless you’re ready to admit you’re actually a droid, you need sleep too.”

“I’ll be fine.” Kylo waved her off, already heading toward the exit of the AT-AT. “If you’re so insistent on needing rest, I’m sure you’ll find my co-pilot's seats are comfortable enough to sleep in.”

“Sure, I’ll do that- If you answer two questions for me.”

“ _What?”_

“When did you last sleep, and was it more than two hours?”

The long stretch of silence she gets in response is all the answer she needs.

“If you want to risk your life piloting a complex space-faring ship with barely any sleep, you go ahead, but I’m not gonna fly with you in that state. Besides, you _really_ think I’d feel comfortable sleeping while you were flying? You could fly me anywhere while I’m out and I’d have no idea until we were there.”

“Fine,” Kylo growled in defeat, reminded once again of her unbeatable stubbornness. Kylo stepped away from the exit with an agitated huff, glancing around dejectedly at the cramped room once more before his eyes settle at her feet.

“You…Wouldn’t happen to have a spare blanket, would you?” Kylo asks in the most defeated tone she’s ever heard from him, raising an eyebrow at the fact he was struggling to meet her gaze.

Roughly ten minutes later, Rey finds herself settled down on her old cot with a scratchy thin blanket draped over her, peering into the darkness of her AT-AT in disbelief at the fact that Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader of the First Order, is currently laying on the floor, pressed up against the wall with an even older, more tattered blanket than her own, that of which barely covered him.

In the small sliver of moonlight that peeks in through the cracks of the AT-AT, Kylo catches sight of some glinting scuff marks reflecting back at him. Peering closer, he realizes that these marks are in fact tally marks, scratched into the wall roughly over time, spreading up and up the wall he is laid next to.

“Rey?” Kylo whispers into the silence of the night, not worrying about waking Rey, seeing as he could see her eyes reflecting at him in the darkness. “What are these marks for?”

“The tally?” Rey asks for confirmation, even though she knows it’s the only thing he can be referring to. “They count the number of days I was here.”

The room falls back into silence, this one much more unpleasant than the one before. After a few seconds more of this, Kylo dares to speak again.

“Rey… How long were you here for?”

“Roughly fourteen years, give or take,” Rey answers, her eyes scanning across the tally’s she meticulously added to every day.

“How… _old_ are you, Rey?”

“Nineteen, I think. Probably closer to twenty now. I don’t know my actual birthday.”

“You were left here by yourself when you were only… what, five? Six?”

“Something like that, yeah.” Rey rolled over onto her back, staring up at the cracked, peeling metal of her ceiling. “Kinda weird how long we’ve known each other and never knew our ages.”

Kylo hummed in agreement, lifting a hand to softly run his fingers across the jagged tally marks in the wall.

“That was my attempt at asking you for your age, if you didn’t sense that.”

“Oh.” Kylo blurts as the realization hits him. “About twenty-nine, closer to thirty.”

“Huh. Ten years older… You look younger than that.”

“I assume that’s a compliment?”

“Depends what look you’re going for, I suppose,” Rey responds, shrugging her shoulders even though Kylo couldn’t see. “I’m just saying if I had to guess your age, I wouldn’t have said thirty.”

“Never really put too much thought into what I look like, but thank you anyway.”

Enough time had passed without a word between them that Rey made the assumption that Kylo had finally fallen asleep. Craning her head to the side, her thoughts are all but confirmed when, with what little light the moon gives, she’s able to catch sight of him laid ram-rod straight on his back, eyes closed and breaths deep and steady. He looked very…Peaceful, even younger than he usually looks, the calm state bringing out the boyish features of his face. She was quite surprised that he asked to sleep here really, considering he had his own ship to sleep in. Well, saying that, she assumed it didn’t have a cot for him to sleep in, considering he didn’t mention one when he offered a place for her to sleep on board, but still, a seat would be better than the floor of an AT-AT in the middle of a desert, right?

“Are you going to stare at me all night, or are you going to sleep like you insisted you needed to?”

Rey felt her cheeks burn hot in the cold night's air, shamed to have been caught watching him sleep. How the _Force_ could he tell with his eyes closed?

“Sorry, it's just… Weird, for me.” Rey apologizes as his eyes flutter back open, staring up at the ceiling while his vision adjusted before looking over to her. “I’m used to sleeping alone.”

“I can find somewhere else if you’re that uncomfortable.” Kylo offered.

“No, no it's fine.” Rey insisted quickly, shaking her head. “It’s… It’s kind of nice, actually. Weird, sure, but… It’s nice to have company.”

“Even when it’s me?” Kylo asked light-heartedly with just a hint of sarcasm in his tone.

“Even when it’s you.”

Evidently, this was not the answer Kylo was expecting. Any retort he had ready on his tongue for the snarky comment he _was_ expecting died off, swallowing deeply as he let her words sink in.

“It’s not really something I’m used to, either,” Kylo admitted to her. “It’s been… A good long while since I’ve trusted someone else to sleep in the same room as myself.”

“When was the last time?” Rey pushed further, an unexpected warmth blooming in her chest at the implication that he trusted her, at least enough to sleep near her.

“When I was a young boy with my mother, most likely,” Kylo replied. “Leia…My mom, she wasn’t around that much, neither was Han. When he deemed I was old enough to be left on my own, he was back to his old ‘ _job_ ’, if you can call it that. Mom was busy most of the time- we moved around a lot. It was during that time the nightmares started, and shortly after that, I started hearing voices. They terrified me. Mom, she’d… When she was there, she would race into my room as soon as she heard me start to stress. She’d try her best to comfort me, and it partly worked, I suppose, but… They never went away.”

Rey was listening intently, taken aback by how much he was speaking of his past to her, and how much he was opening up. Even though she could tell he was holding some parts of himself back as he spoke, it was more than she expected from him.

“I think they started to get to Leia- _my mom-_ after a while too. One night, when Han decided he’d come back and visit us, I overheard them arguing. He said that I was getting too old for all of this and that she shouldn’t be _‘coddling_ ’ me over it. Mom insisted it was more than just nightmares, but Han didn’t want to hear about it. Han didn’t want to accept the fact that I was Force Sensitive, and he seemed to think the best way to go about it was to ignore it, pretend like it isn’t happening. The argument they had when Mom suggested sending me to Luke… That one was impossible not to overhear. But, eventually, even Han had to accept who I was. The voices were getting stronger, I was getting… More _agitated_. _Restless_. They sent me away, and, well, you know the rest.”

“They were just trying to do what’s best for you.” Rey offered meekly. “Ignoring it probably wasn’t a great idea… But sending you to Master Skywalker was.”

“You know they never actually asked me if I wanted to go?” Kylo retorted dryly. “What _I_ wanted was never part of the equation. I got too much for them, so they shipped me off to my Uncle, hoping he could fix the problem.”

“You needed to learn; About the Force, about how to control it- “

“How to restrict it. How to repress my emotions. Skywalker wanted to sway me from the Dark, but his biggest mistake was pushing me away from it. It only made me more curious, made me start listening to the voices in my head- that they might be right.”

“Your parents just wanted to keep you safe, Ben.”

 _“Thirteen_ years, Rey. Thirteen years I studied under my Uncle, and do you think I got to see them in that time? Of course not. A Jedi isn’t supposed to have connections, not supposed to have emotional attachments. They sent me away when I was _ten_ , and they knew full well what they were doing. Maybe I had some good memories of them once, but that was washed away under all I had to learn. Any I have of my Uncle, well- Strangely enough, the memory of him holding his lightsaber over my head while I _slept_ tends to override them.”

“He regrets that, you know.”

“He confessed to it?”

“Only after I confronted him about it. ‘A moment of weakness’, he called it. A fleeting moment where he feared the dark within you, but that was it all it took. You know, he- He sensed it in me too.”

This got Kylo’s attention, the sounds of his blanket rustling filling the room as he pushed himself up to a sitting position.

“He was _very_ reluctant to teach me. I didn’t know why at first- Of course now I know he was afraid to teach after what happened to you. When he finally gave in, and I reached out for the first time, I…”

“You went to the dark.” Kylo finished for her.

“I didn’t realize I was doing it.” Rey is quick to defend herself. “I didn’t know what _anything_ was, I just felt it calling to me and I went to it. I got pulled out from it and… Master Skywalker was _terrified._ Of _me._ He…He…”

“He what?” Kylo inquired. “He- He didn’t hurt you, did he?”

“Wha- No! No, of course not.” Rey answered quickly, horrified that Kylo thought Luke would ever do such a thing. He seemed to sense the truth in her words, for Kylo’s anger promptly simmered away. “He ran away. He said that the power he felt from me was something he had only ever felt once before which was, well… You.”

“I assume he stopped teaching you after that?”

“No,” Rey replied with a shake of her head. “We had agreed to three lessons, but I only got one more after that.”

“What happened to the third?”

“He saw you and me in the hut- after you told me what he tried to do. I confronted him after that, and when he told me what he tried to, I left. I fled to find you.”

“And these… _Lessons…_ Were they of any use?”

“They weren’t what I was expecting,” Rey confesses. “Master Skywalker, he… I think he lost hope after what happened.”

“Lost hope in _what?”_

“The Jedi Order. The first lesson was about how just because we have this connection to the light, it doesn’t _make_ us Jedi - that the Force is simply too _immense_ to belong to any religion.”

“It works both ways, you know,” Kylo tells her. “You can tap into the powers of the Dark too without being a Sith. Yes, my abilities in the Force may be focused towards the Dark, but that’s by _my_ choice. I surround myself with the Dark, but I am no Sith. I was not taught in the way of the Sith Religion. You may surround yourself with the Light, or try anyway, but that doesn’t make you a Jedi.”

“Then…Then what are we?”

“Force Users. If you want to keep it simple, anyway. Never thought I’d see the day I agree with one of my Uncles lessons…” Kylo muttered the last part mostly to himself as he slid back down onto his back.

“In that case, I’m sure you would have loved his second lesson,” Rey told him with a huff. “Master Skywalker believed the Legacy of the Jedi is only of failure. That for every good thing the Jedi did, it was overshadowed by them allowing the Dark to overtake the Galaxy- That the Jedi has only done more harm that it had done to help the Galaxy and its people. Luke didn’t want to teach me the ways of the Jedi, because he didn’t want to have to pass that fate onto me. He thought it would be best to let the Jedi die with him.”

“Doesn’t sound like him in the slightest,” Kylo mumbled, furrowing his brow up at the dark ceiling above him as he thought. “He seemed to change his mind in the end. Seems you gave him his hope back, Rey. He believes the Jedi will live on with you.”

“And what about you?” Rey asked him. “Do you think that as well?”

“That’s not for me to say,” Kylo replied honestly. “Do I think it’s the right path for you to go down? No, not in the slightest, but I can’t tell you _what_ to do. I can only guide you where I can. It’s up to you to decide what you do with your powers, Rey. You, and only you.”

“You say that like it should be an easy decision.”

“It’s not. Not in the slightest. Why do you think it took me until I was twenty-four to finally pick a side?”

Rey mulled over his words for a moment in the pause of conversation. There was something…Something about his words that sparked something within her, something she felt like she needed to talk to him about. Yet, telling him about it also seemed _wrong_. Like she was betraying someone, betraying _herself_ if she even _thought_ about it for too long, let alone say it out loud, and to _him_ of all people. Except, in this moment of odd peace between the two of them, laying close to one another in the dark of the night, she finds the words slipping from her mouth without her permission.

“Can I tell you something?”

“Of course. It’s what I’m here for, after all.”

“I… I’m not really asking for guidance with this, I suppose. It’s… I don’t know. Something I need to tell you.”

Kylo sat back up from his makeshift bed on the floor, sensing the worry in her tone. It felt like his body had automatically responded the second he could feel her distress, a part of him he tried to keep buried down subconsciously trying to push him closer to her, filling him with this unusual, overwhelming instinct to help, to _comfort_ in whatever way he can.

It was… an uncomfortable feeling to have returned to him.

“Well… If you feel like you need to say it, you can say it.”

“The truth is… I don’t know what’s right anymore. Before, it all seemed so simple; The Light was good, and the Dark was bad. But… Then I met _you_ , I got to know you better and everything became so _confusing._ I…I can _feel_ it within me, this pull to the Dark, and I _know_ I shouldn’t be feeling it, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say it was there. And it… It feels like there’s something _wrong_ with me. I know that people _want_ me to focus _only_ on the Light, to carry on the Jedi religion but… I’m scared. Scared that I’m not good enough, that this _calling_ to the Dark, it’s- It's _tainted_ me. It feels like-“

“Like it's tearing you apart,” Kylo finished her sentence before she could. “An equal pull to both sides. People are telling you that you belong to one side, but you can _feel_ it's not as simple as that. We’re one the same, Rey. Same coin, just the other side. Sometimes it feels like you’re physically being pulled around, each side tugging you to the other. Some will say you belong to the Light, others will say you belong to the Dark. All my life, I tried so hard to do what others told me. I tried to push myself into being _content_ with the Light, with my parents, with my Uncle. Then, when Snoke revealed himself to me, when he started telling me things others wouldn’t… I finally gave in, I turned to the Dark. I thought that would be the end of it, and then-“

Kylo cut himself off with a frustrated grunt, shaking his head as if he could physically push his thoughts out of his head.

“Then I could feel the Light calling me _back._ I did _everything_ Snoke told me to, I was _sure_ that as long as I followed him, obeyed his orders, he would _fix_ me. I killed my own _father_ in my search to settle myself, and it… It didn’t _work._ But… But then there was _you,”_

Rey’s body tensed up at the mention of herself, her mind already racing over what part she had to play in this.

“The scavenger girl from Jakku with a droid that held the map to Skywalker. I thought you wouldn’t be anything special. Just something between me and finally cutting the last tie to my past. And now- here we are- Rey from Jakku; Back where your story started, me here with you, telling you all of this. Should I be? No. If the First Order heard of this, I would be killed for treason -even as the Supreme Leader,”

That was… Something Rey had never thought of. It was obvious really, of course, The First Order couldn’t know that he was _helping_ her. As far as they’re aware, she is the last remaining hope of the Jedi Order, for the religion to continue. At this point, she could very well be their priority target, even over the Resistance. So, if Kylo, their _leader,_ was caught helping her? Kylo may be powerful, she’s seen first-hand of that, but against the entire First Order? By himself? She couldn’t imagine the outcome would be good for him.

“I shouldn’t be here, but I am, and I’m telling you- You are _not_ alone in this. I feel the call to the Light, just as you feel the call to the Dark. Both of us are trying our hardest to resist it, sticking to what we _think_ is the side we should be. I’ve come to terms with who I am, Rey. I’m not letting others tell me who I _should_ be anymore. You have people telling you who should you be too, but here’s the important question, Rey; Who do _you_ think you should be? Where do _you_ belong?”

“I… I don’t feel like I belong to either. I mean- Less than a year ago I didn’t think the Force even _existed._ I feel so out of place in all of this, and I… I don’t know. I don’t know, Ben.”

“You will,” Kylo assures her, his tone one of certainty. “Maybe not today, but one day- One day, you’ll know.”

Even though he wouldn’t admit it, Kylo could feel his body beginning to succumb to its exhaustion. He slid back down until he was lying down on his back, letting his eyelids flutter shut and sink into the comfortable darkness that enveloped him, despite the itchiness of the sand under his back from the few irritating grains that had been swept inside.

“Until that day comes, I’ll do what I can to help you.”

This time, Rey made sure enough time had passed since he last spoke, confident that _this_ time he had finally given in to sleep before she spoke to him once more.

“That’s what scares me the most,” Her voice was barely a whisper, so quiet that she could scarcely hear herself. “Because every second I spend with you, I feel myself being pulled closer. To you, and to the Dark. And I’m _terrified_ that one day, I won’t be able to stop myself from giving in.”


	5. A Reflection Of Herself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the pause after his words, a sudden chill ran up her spine. Not because of his words, no, but because of a realization; it was quiet. Not just quiet, but silent.
> 
> “What is it?” Kylo asked, having seen the panicked look on her face. “What’s wrong?”
> 
> “Do you hear that?”
> 
> Kylo furrowed his brow, cocking his head a little as he took a moment to listen closer.
> 
> “Hear…what? I don’t hear anything.”
> 
> “Exactly. The birds have gone silent. Somethings wrong.”

Her night had certainly not been one of rest.

It should have been easier to fall asleep after he had, and, considering the bone-deep exhaustion she had been feeling, she was quite surprised that she had not fallen into a deep slumber seconds after Ben had fallen asleep himself. And yet, she found herself staring at his slumbering form for much too long, willing for sleep to come and take her away. She would be lying to herself if she said she wasn’t nervous about their upcoming task; So many things could go wrong, and no amount of preparation will ensure her safety, not when she’s heading right into enemy territory- territory that’s technically controlled by the very man that’s sneaking her in.

When she _did_ finally let sleep take her, it wasn’t a peaceful sleep. She did not dream of pleasant things; of the warmth of her friends embrace, of Han’s quick wit, of Leia’s mothering care, of the thrill of wielding a saber for the first time. No, her dreams were shadowy and sinister, of the disastrous possibilities the next day held, of terrible acts of betrayal and mistrust.

Which is why, perhaps, awakening from such dreams to see Kylo Ren peering down at her did _not_ help in the slightest.

She could only imagine the look of sheer panic she saw on his face was one she was mirroring right back at him. In her groggy state of mind, she had reached out for her staff without a second thought, the solid weight of the metal handle a comforting presence in her hand against what her morning brain had perceived to be a threat. Ben was, thankfully, smart enough to leap away from her side before he could receive any potential concussions, splaying his hands in front of him when the wild, defensive look in her eyes remained.

“Calm down, it’s just me.” Kylo attempts to reassure her, slowly lowering his hands back down once it seemed like she wasn’t going to take a swing at him. “I didn’t mean to startle you-“

“Then what _were_ you trying to do?” Rey snapped at him, dropping her staff down by her beside and exhaling heavily in relief as the short spike of adrenaline in her system begun to wear away. “I mean seriously, what _was_ that? Were you watching me sleep?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Kylo deflected with a frown. “You woke me up.”

“ _I_ woke you up? How could I possibly-“

“You were calling out to me in your sleep.” Kylo cut her off. “You were forcing your way into my dreams, reaching out for me over- Whatever it is that connects us. At some point, you started calling out loud, and it woke me up. I could sense your distress as you slept and I… I was trying to do what I could to help.”

“…What do you mean?”

“I…” Kylo begun, seemingly shrinking down on himself at the question. “I thought that, maybe… Maybe if I reached out to you too, answered your calls while you slept that, perhaps… It…It might soothe you. I fear I made it worse, since, well-“ Kylo gestured a hand at her pale, sweat-drenched form. “In my defense, it isn’t something I’ve exactly done before.”

“It’s the thought that counts, I suppose…” Rey mumbled as she pushed herself out of bed, rubbing a hand across her face in an attempt to wipe away the last dregs of drowsiness clinging to her. “If you don’t mind, I’d rather you didn’t do something like that again.”

To her surprise, the frown that seems permanently etched onto his face only seemed to deepen at that. Kylo managed to quickly wrangle in whatever emotion he had briefly let slip, returning to his neutral expression with a clear of his throat and the straightening of his posture.

“I’d suggest you get yourself ready; we have a long journey ahead of us and we’ve eaten up too much of the morning hours already.” Kylo’s suggestion was more of an order than anything, and she would have made such a remark if he wasn’t already heading for the exit of her old home, the fluttering end of his cape the last thing she saw of him as he slipped out of view.

Rey agitatedly swept her staff up off the floor with a frustrated groan, racing around the AT-AT that was baking in the steadily increasing temperature of the morning hours of Jakku to collect what little possessions she had packed to take with her.

“Maybe _one_ day you’ll settle on which personality you want to show to me. That’ll be a nice day…”  
  


* * *

Kylo’s shuttle looked every bit as menacing up close as it did when she spotted it from afar. She didn’t _exactly_ have memories of this ship, except for the fact that she knew this was the ship that he had taken her onto after forcing her into sleep against her will. So, for that reason, she couldn’t help but feel a little bit anxious as she stepped aboard.

Kylo placed his helmet atop the ship's console before dropping himself down into the pilot's seat. He gave her a side glance when she appeared in his field of vision, standing somewhat awkwardly by the seat next to him as she took a good look at the ship's interior.

“Sit wherever you’re comfortable,” Kylo advised, turning his attention back to the console and firing the ship's engines to life. “It’ll take some time to get there.”

“You ever going to tell me the name of this planet?” Rey asked as she slipped into the seat next to him. It unsettled her, when she wasn’t in control of a ship, unable to dictate where she’ll end up. Even if she isn’t the one in control, the closer she was to the controls, the better she felt.

“And let you pass that information onto the Resistance?” Kylo asked in a dead-pan tone, briefly taking his attention away from the steadily shrinking ground in front of them to raise an eyebrow at her. “Nice try.”

“Well, what _can_ you tell me about this planet?” Rey inquired as she yanked her bag around her body. Flipping the top open, she reaches a hand in and searches around until she feels the smooth leather of her holster. “I’d at least like to know what I’m walking into.”

“Nothing you shouldn’t be able to handle. Planets covered in flora mostly, oceans are rather small but we won’t have to worry about them.”

“Anything I _should_ be worried about?”

“So long as we keep a low profile, we should be okay. The place we’re headed to, no one else knows about it, so we shouldn’t have to worry about running into any patrols. The foliage should help keep us covered, so if we’re lucky, no over-head ships should pick us up.”

“Any wildlife?”

“I’ve only seen a few reports that mentioned any potentially dangerous wildlife; most we’ve seen are a few small serpents that have snuck inside the bases we’ve set up. I’ve only been here once, and I didn’t see anything in that time.”

“That doesn’t mean there’s nothing else out there.” Rey mumbled, her focus diverted to her hands as she struggled to clasp her holster around her waist, fingers fumbling across the single strap that would tighten the holster.

“No, but that’s all the knowledge I have on this planet's fauna. There’s nothing we can do but be cautious. Although, there is one thing I had _plenty_ of experience with while I was out here.”

“What?”

“Storms,” Kylo said with a grimace. “They don’t usually hit until the evenings, but when they do… They’re unlike any storm I’ve encountered before; The rain falls so heavy you can barely see in front of you, and the lightning… It would be a beautiful thing to see if you weren’t right in the middle of it. It struck multiple times, I was _surrounded_ by it. You could feel the electricity in the air, feel as it was about to strike you…”

“How did you avoid getting hit?”

“I searched for the closest shelter I could find, which ended up being a rather dingy looking cave. I fell into it really- it was so well hidden within the rock wall. The second I entered that place… I knew it wasn’t just myself that guided me here. The _power_ radiating from deep down within that cavern, I could tell this place was something special, something _more_ than just somewhere to shelter from the storm.”

Kylo released his grip on the ship's controls, leaning over the console and tapping his fingers across its surface, flicking a silver switch above his head before turning to face her.

“And that’s where we’re headed to right now-“ Kylo’s words tapered off as he caught sight of the weapon attached to her hip, his mouth suddenly turning dry. “-What is that?”

“What’s what?” Rey’s brow arched in confusion, glancing down at herself to try and figure out what had gained his attention. “My holster?”

“I meant more the weapon that it's holding.” Kylo noted dryly, nodding to the blaster sat snuggly within its hold. “That’s my father's weapon, isn’t it?”

“Oh, you’re finally going to start calling him your father now, are you?”

“Don’t avoid the question.” Kylo deflected with a dark scowl, narrowing his eyes dangerously at her. “Where did you get it?”

“He gave it to me.” Rey defended herself, pulling the blaster out of his holster to hold close to her. “Like you, he didn’t think I could protect myself with just my staff, so he gave it to me.”

“He just…gave it to you?”

“Yes. I was going to give it back to him- blasters aren’t really my thing- but… I never got the chance.”

Kylo lowered his eyes to the floor, suddenly finding himself unable to meet her gaze. With an annoyed huff, he turned back around to face the stars that were streaming past them, watching the streaks of lights that warped overhead.

“I’m surprised you didn’t recognize it.” Rey noted after a few unbearable seconds of silence. “After all, I _have_ shot at you with it before. Twice, actually.”

Kylo huffed again, though whether this time it was one of exasperation or one of laughter, she couldn’t tell. Judging by the silence that followed, the conversation seemed to have come to an end. With an awkward clear of her throat, Rey joined Kylo in gazing out the front of the ship, content with watching the Galaxy fly past.

“I learned how to shoot with that blaster.” Kylo was the one to break the silence this time. “We used a stun blaster first- didn’t want to risk me accidentally shooting something I wasn’t meant to. Chewie, he- He would set up these targets for me, made of rocks.”

There was almost a wistful look on Kylo’s face as he reminisced, just a hint of a smile twitching at his lips, his eyes glazed over as he found himself lost on his own memories.

“Chewie taught you how to shoot?” Rey spoke softly, not wanting to startle him out of whatever trance he seemed to have fallen into.

“Taught me how to fly a speeder, too. I had a few close calls the first time I tried, but… He was persistent that I learned. I wanted to learn how to pilot a ship like… Like Han did. Said I needed to learn how to fly a speeder before I got anywhere near the cockpit of a ship.”

“I’m surprised Han didn’t teach you.”

“Mom probably would have killed him if she found out he was teaching me how to shoot. When he saw how well I was doing with the stun blaster, he let me start training with that one.” Kylo pointed a finger towards the weapon in her hands. “Not as powerful as his heavy blaster, but lethal enough. Had a safety switch too- something I’m sure helped appease mother as well. I had to give it back to him once I was sent away to my Uncle.”

Rey pulled the blaster out from its pouch, holding it in her hands which were rested atop her lap. The silver gleam of its metal body reflected the various lights of the ship they were sat in, it's metal well-polished after a good clean. She may not know much about using a blaster, but she at least knows that a clean, looked after blaster is a blaster that will never fail you.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you shoot a blaster.” Rey pondered as she looked down at the blaster in her lap. “Were you any good?”

“I could hit the target.” Kylo replied indifferently, shrugging his shoulders. “Which is more than I can say for your skills.”

“Hey!” Rey protested. “I managed to hit a good few of your men!”

“Didn’t manage to hit me.”

“You were deflecting them with your saber! They were still on target-”

“-I _distinctly_ remember seeing some bolts flying past me into the trees.”

“I was running away from you, it’s not like I could take the time to aim! Wouldn’t have mattered much anyway, if you just kept deflecting them.”

“Well, it was that or let myself get shot. Although, I’m sure you’d be glad if I had let the latter happen.”

“Well, I… I wouldn’t say glad.”

“Oh? What _would_ you say?”

“I’d say it would probably have made life easier for me, but… easier is boring.” Rey responded, glancing at Kylo out of the corner of her eye. “Besides, I prefer a challenge.”

* * *

Despite how much Rey had insisted she wouldn’t be able to sleep in his ship, there were many times in their long journey that she found herself drifting off. It seemed that the comfortable seats of his shuttle and the fact that she hadn’t got much sleep last night were really having an impact on her ability to stay awake.

Rey was jolted out of her sleepy state by a crackling sound emitting from the ship's intercom. Kylo immediately straightened to attention at the sound, leaning away from the console and closer to her to whisper in her direction. “We’re approaching our destination. It seems my troops have detected us.”

“ _Unknown Ship, you are entering_ _into Restricted Space. This planet is strictly off-limit to non-personnel of the First Order. Turn around, or identify yourself, or we will be forced to fire upon you.”_

Even though she knew she was currently sat inside Kylo Ren’s ship, she still felt a sharp spike of fear run through her, as if they somehow _knew_ she was in here. It was an irrational thought, she knew that full well, but living the life she had, it had taught her that the best way to survive was to expect the worst of a situation, and make sure you’re prepared for it. She opened her mouth to speak, but before she could get a word out, Kylo had raised a finger to his lips. While usually she would not accept such orders from him, the urgency she saw in his expression was enough for her mouth to slam shut. Once he felt assured she would not speak, Kylo let his finger slip away from his lips and turned back to the console, leaning closer to the intercom and pressing his finger down onto the button.

“It would do you well to identify your Leaders ship, trooper,” Kylo spoke smoothly into the intercom, his tone sending as much as a threat as his words ever could. “I can think of just a few of the many… _repercussions_ you may face from the First Order after firing upon your leader. If _I_ don’t get to you first, that is.”

“ _My apologies, Supreme Leader,”_ The man’s voice had lost most of its superiority, a few warbles away from becoming a trembling mess. “ _We were not expecting a visit from you today.”_

“Snoke may have been a lot more lax in checking up on his trooper's work, but I prefer to be a bit more thorough. No use checking up on you when you know I’m coming. This way, I can see how you’ve _truly_ been doing- And then I can assess your usefulness from that.”

“ _Of course, Supreme Leader. Welcome._ ”

With that, the intercom crackled once more, and the ship returned to silence. Kylo released his hold on the intercoms button, moving his hands back over to the console of the ship and messing with a few buttons, taking the ship out of auto-pilot as he grabbed hold of its controls.

“Easy as that.” Kylo turned his head to speak to her, though kept his eyes trained on the windshield of his ship. “And as he said: Welcome.”

It never ceased to amaze Rey the vastly different planets that existed out here. Having lived most of her life on a dry and sand-covered planet, the thought of a planet existing that was covered in plants, lush and full of life, seemed impossible. It _was_ possible _,_ but being stuck in that place… In that state of mind, it was nothing more than a dream. This one looked quite similar to Takonda, and she was sure she had the same expression of wonder and amazement planted on her face as when she laid eyes on Takonda for the first time, aboard the Falcon. The planet was nothing more than a green orb from this distance, barely able to see the small patches of blue that dotted its surface. Rey pushed herself out of her seat, leaning over the console and closer to the thick glass of the windshield, the only barrier between her and the un-survivable cold of space, desperate to get a closer look.

“You might want to sit back down,” Kylo’s voice broke her out of the moment, bringing her sharply back to reality. “I’m starting the descent.”

Rey fell back down into her seat, watching as the small green orb grew bigger and bigger, until it was all she could see. The hazy gray clouds covering the planet split apart as they broke through the planet’s atmosphere, an endless landscape of brilliantly vivid green staring back at her, cresting up the planets mountainous landscape. It seemed that, unless there was an ocean in the way, every square inch of the planet’s surface had become overrun by flora. The stretch of green that made up the ground rapidly rose to meet them as Kylo pushed the shuttle further down, until they were close enough that Rey could make out the tops of the tall, swaying trees that rushed past them.

“There’s no landing pads here- as you can imagine. No landing sites either.” Kylo told her as he decreased some of the engine's output, slowing the ship down.

“Where are you planning to land then? It doesn’t seem like there’s anywhere to safely put this thing down.”

“There _is_ a landing pad near a base, nearly a day’s walk away from where we’re headed. Obviously, using that is unwise, since we’re trying to prevent my troopers from spotting you. Once I had returned from my trek last time, I knew this was a place I was going to return to- So I cleared a small area to land. Shouldn’t be too big as to attract the attention of my troops, but big enough that we won’t have to worry about damaging ourselves upon landing.”

“You cleared an area of forest all by yourself? With what?”

Kylo answered his question by tapping at his saber by his side.

“It took me a while to find a good area- Most of the trees have too thick of a trunk you see, wouldn’t be able to slice through without starting some fires that I wouldn’t be able to extinguish. Fortunately, I found an area that mostly consisted of very thin, but very long, trunks. They were easy to bring down.”

“And you remember where this place is?”

Suddenly, the ship gave a giant lurch, and Rey found herself pinned to her seat as the ship slowed in the air dramatically. She felt her stomach sink as the ship began to drop down rapidly, a feeling similar to being in free-fall. She heard the whirring of gears as the ship's landing gear dropped down, moments before she feels the reassuring ‘thud’ of the ship reaching ground safely.

“Yes, I’d say I do,” Kylo said with a tone that hinted he was barely holding in his cocky smile. After a few more taps on his console, the ship's engines powered down, and Kylo rose from his seat, reaching out to snag his helmet from the console before he took a few steps behind her, disappearing from her line of sight. “Come on, we’ve still got a small walk ahead of us.”

Rey gave him a small glare as she too got up from her seat, turning to see the back of him as he stood waiting by the ship's open ramp, nothing more than a black silhouette against the bright light of the planets sun spilling into the ship. She walked over to his side, very nearly tripping over his cape that was whipping against his legs from the breeze that filtered in up the ramp. Even from here, she could feel the heat of the planet wrapping itself around her. Heat was something she was used to, but this was _nothing_ like the heat of Jakku. Jakku was a dry heat, one that left your lungs feeling scratchy and your mouth so dry that it was as if you had swallowed its sands dunes. This planet's heat was almost _wet_ , the air so dense with it that was sure she was breathing in warm water and not air. She was so unaccustomed to it that she almost felt like she was suffocating, like she was in no way getting enough oxygen to function properly.

Kylo looked unaffected by the planet's condition. Perhaps he had already become accustomed to it in his visits. Or, maybe he was just very good at hiding it, as he is many other things. After a few moments, Kylo attached his helmet to his side, resting securely on a clip that was on his belt.

“Are you ready?”

 _‘No.’_ That’s what she was thinking, at least, but it wasn’t something she could ever say out loud. After all, she’d already come all this way. She may be fearing not only what’s to come, but what could happen on the way there, but with all this effort put into reaching here, not just by her but by the man standing next to her, turning back now just isn’t an option.

“Let’s go.”

* * *

Every now and then, Rey took a moment to take in the absolute beauty of this planet. Whilst the treetops provided a decent amount of shade from the burning sun above them, there were still a few beams of sunlight peering through the thick wall of leaves, accentuating the gorgeous colors that surrounded them. Whilst it was true that most of what she saw was various shades of green, there were a few bursts of color all around, many different species of exotic-looking flowers trailing up the ridiculously tall trees they were navigating their way past. It was very peaceful, not much to hear but the shuffling of leaves pushed by the gentle breeze that was too warm to do much in terms of cooling her off, and the beautiful songs of the flying creatures that flew over-head, some brave enough to swoop right past the two of them.

Rey’s sure she’d be able to appreciate it even more if she didn’t feel like she was about to drop dead from the heat. She had lost track of how long they had been walking for now. All she _does_ know is that it feels like her skin is melting off her body in this awful heat. The burning pain on the bottom of her feet makes it feel as if she’s managed to rub away the soles of her shoes, the sensitive skin within rubbed raw. Sweat was steadily collecting within her boots, which only served to worsen the friction burn as she walks. A part of her wanted to give in and ask Kylo how much further it was until they reached this cave of his, but a larger part of her refused to do so, not wanting to give away any signs that this long trek was affecting her more than it seemed.

Especially since, in the brief moments she glances over to him, his long strides meaning she’s practically having to jog to keep up with him, the only sign she gets that he’s suffering as much as she is by the glistening sheen of sweat covering his skin, a few drops occasionally rolling down the bridge of his nose. She can only imagine the amount of sweat building up in the big, dark, bulky combat boots he wears, still stomping along the dirt path with his usual forcefulness, as if each step isn’t bringing him intense pain, occasionally swinging his saber in front of him to slice through any vines that stopped their advance.

Still, he hasn’t said a thing about the intense heat. Kylo hasn’t said much, really, which she assumes is because he’s focusing on remembering the way to the cave. The idea that perhaps he doesn’t remember the way, and is too stubborn to admit he’s lost, _does_ briefly flutter past her thoughts, but she’d rather not test his patience by bringing it up right now, especially if this heat has him feeling as agitated as she feels. She doesn’t know how he does it, walking about in this insane heat, _covered_ in layers of nothing but heavy, thick, black clothing. The cloak seems completely unnecessary at this point, and she’s sure it would be such a relief to take it off. And yet, it remains.

However, as time goes on, and with it the ache in her feet worsens, and the scratchy dry feeling in her throat increases, Rey finds that her patience only lessens. He had said that this was a _short_ walk, and while she doesn’t know what Kylo’s definition of _short_ is, this is _definitely_ not it. Not even close.

“Are you sure we’re on the right path?” Rey used her staff to flick away a piece of vine that had rebounded at her off Kylo as he pushed through. “This all seems very… Untouched.”

“It’s been a while since I was here, most of the vegetation has regrown,” Kylo replied, grunting as he cuts through a particularly thick vine that had refused to bend away. “Trust me, I’ll never forget how to find my way to this place. I’d never forgive myself if I did.”

“Sounds like this place is important to you.”

“That’s because it is. Planets that are rich with naturally occurring Kyber Veins are incredibly rare, especially now that Illum is… not available. It’s a vital resource to the First Order.”

“Is that so?” Rey’s words were breathy, the simple act of talking too much when trekking in this heat. “If it’s so vital to them, then why haven’t you told anyone in the First Order about it? I mean, they’re excavating the planet for it, right? Why not tell them about this cave?”

Kylo stopped so unexpectedly in his tracks that, if she weren’t paying enough attention, she would have walked straight into the back of him. Confused, and slightly worried, Rey took a small step back, giving back the space that had been taken from his sudden stop. Considering she’s used to how Kylo doesn’t usually show much expression on his face, it was surprising how unnerving it was when she could only read the back of him. Kylo extinguished his saber, holding it limply by his side as he slowly turned around to face her, his eyes drifting up and down her form before rising up to her face to lock eyes with her.

“Because there are things in this Galaxy that are too beautiful to be damaged.”

In the pause after his words, a sudden chill ran up her spine. Not because of his words, no, but because of a realization; it was quiet. Not just quiet, but _silent_.

“What is it?” Kylo asked, having seen the panicked look on her face. “What’s wrong?”

“Do you hear that?”

Kylo furrowed his brow, cocking his head a little as he took a moment to listen closer.

“Hear…what? I don’t hear anything.”

“Exactly. The birds have gone silent. Somethings wrong.”

Rey didn’t think he would take her words too seriously, expecting for him to brush aside her concerns as nothing more than paranoia. Instead, she sees him tense up, igniting his saber within seconds and spinning around, trying to get a glimpse of a danger that they don’t even know exists just yet. Kylo took a step back, bumping into Rey’s side, to which he instinctively puts an arm out to try and pull her behind him. Rey goes willingly, turning so that they were back to back and holding her staff out in front of her at the same time that Kylo holds his ignited saber in front of himself. The two pivot on the spot, scanning every inch of the treeline they can see.

“Do you see anything?” Rey turns her head slightly to whisper up to him, making sure to keep her eyes on what’s in front of her.

“No,” Kylo mumbled under his breath in response. “I can barely see a thing through all these plants-“

A deep, guttural sounding growl froze the two of them. The cold chill Rey had been feeling peaked at the sound, her hands much clammier than they were before. The two of them simultaneously turn in the direction of the sound, in no way able to anticipate what it is they were about to confront.

Out from the shade of the trees came a large, sleek beast, very nearly the same height as them. It moved slow and low to the ground, it’s four muscular legs propelling it smoothly forward, prowling towards them. It was covered in fine fur, its color a brown so dark, Rey almost mistook it as black. The sun glinted off its fur as it moved, an odd iridescence pattern appearing, spots of blue appearing as it was exposed to the light. Its head resembled one of a lizard; long pointed snout that cracked open to reveal rows upon rows of razor-sharp teeth. Sitting within its mouth was a slender, navy-colored tongue which flicked about in its mouth as it released yet another one of its low growls. The creature came to a stop as its beady, yellow eyes swiveled around to focus on them, it's diamond-shaped pupils dilating, it’s nostrils flaring, catching their scent.

Kylo spun his saber around in his hand, the saber emitting a crackled hum at the movement. The creatures growls increased in volume at the sight, sensing the danger and power within the object in his hands. The creature began its crawl once more, sluggishly moving its heavy mass to circle them, inching steadily closer as it did so.

“Keep behind me,” Kylo ordered in a low, quiet tone, not taking his eyes off the creature for even a second. “I’ll do my best to distract it. Once it’s focused on me, you make a run for it.”

“ _What?”_ Rey hissed. “I’m not leaving you to fight this thing off on your own!”

“You don’t have a weapon. Just that blaster,” Kylo shot back in an equally harsh tone. “This isn’t up for discussion. _Go!”_

“ _No!_ We don’t know how powerful this thing is, it could kill you!”

“For _Kriffs-_ sake, Rey! Why can't you just do as I ask-“

Kylo was cut off as the creature unexpectedly leaped through the air, showing much more agility then it had previously. Kylo barely had enough time to react, shoving Rey to the side and twisting away, slashing his saber through the creature’s side. The hit barely glanced the creature, which gave a rough growl as the saber burnt through its flesh. It reacted to the pain by swiping out an arm, catching Kylo off guard. The power of the hit swept Kylo off his feet, sending him hurtling through the air into the depths of the forest, landing somewhere out of Rey’s sight with a painful sounding ‘ _thud’_.

“BEN!” Rey yelled out after him, uneasiness settling within her when she gets no response. 

The creature turned its furious gaze onto Rey at her yell, having become enraged and defensive from the injury Kylo had inflicted. It only gives a small snarl in warning before charging towards her, swiping its sharp claws across the ground as it gets closer. Rey brings up her staff to swipe the creature in the side of the head, sending the creature staggering to the side from the hit. It shakes its head side to side, something akin to a mix of a growl and a hiss vibrating from its chest as it dived towards her with its jaws open wide. Rey shoved her staff in the direction of the creature, the top of it catching the roof of the creature’s mouth. The beast tried to snap its mouth shut, only to be greeted by the bottom of her staff. The creature hissed in anguish, but Rey could feel it biting down harder and harder, felt her staff shake in her hands under the immense pressure. With a loud crack, the staff snapped in two, and Rey threw herself to the ground, moments before the creature's sharp teeth snapped together where her head once was.

She rolls as she lands, bouncing back up to her feet. Before the creature can recover, she yanks her blaster out of her holster, pressing down on the trigger. She only realizes that the blaster isn’t firing because the safety is still on once the creature pounces, its heavy weight pushing her to the ground. It’s nothing but adrenaline and instinct fuelling her actions as she holds the creature by the neck, the only thing keeping its snapping teeth from sinking into the soft flesh of her neck. Its rancid breath washed over her as its snout moves closer and closer, her trembling arms unable to hold the beast at bay for long.

She hears the sound of something gliding through the leaves and dirt of the forest floor until it gently hits her side. Just as the creature rears back, ready for its final blow, Rey grabs hold of the object by her side. Her hands wrap around the familiar hilt of Kylo’s saber and, as the creature strikes, she ignites the saber.

Kylo somewhat stumbles to his feet, his vision still blurry from the hit to his head, the slight trickle of blood running down the side of his face the end result of such a hit. Through the fogginess of his vision he’s just about able to make out the shape of the creature resting atop Rey, both bodies still on the forest floor.

“Rey?” Kylo tries to ignore the icy grip of fear that clung to his heart at the sight, his uncoordinated movements resulting in more of a staggering shuffle in her direction.

The fear releases its grip at the sight of Rey pushing the creature off to the side, revealing the smoldering hole that had been pierced through its chest, his saber still ignited in her hands. He lets out a small breath of relief, wiping his hands across his face, waiting for everything to stop spinning around him.

Rey grimaces as she pushes herself up to sit, glancing down at the saber in her hand to see it still ignited, swiping the ignition switch down to extinguish its blades. Something black appears in the corner of her vision, and she glances up to see Kylo’s glove-clad hand, which she gladly takes, leaning on him as she pulls herself up to stand. Kylo wobbles at the extra weight, and Rey shoots out a hand to stop him from keening over, grabbing hold of his arm.

“Are you okay?” She asks him, eyes drawn to the sluggishly bleeding wound on his head.

“I’ll be fine.” Kylo brushes her off, despite the jelly feeling in his legs. “I’ve dealt with worse.”

“We should really take care of that.” Rey insisted, furrowing her brow anxiously at the wound.

“I said I’m _fine.”_ Kylo snapped, trying to tug his arm out of her vice grip. Instead of letting go, Rey tugs him towards a fallen trunk, pushing him down to sit. Just the fact that she’s so easily able to push him around only serves to prove her point that he is _not_ fine, but that doesn’t stop him from weakly glaring up at her.

Rey pulls open the top of her bag, pulling out a small canteen of water and a few bundles of cloth and gauze, most of them homemade from spare bits of cloth she was able to cut from old clothing of hers, Luke’s and (when they finally gave in) the keepers of Ahch-To.

“We’d be better off with some Bacta-patches,” Rey tells him as she uncaps the canteen, placing a piece of cloth at the lip of the bottle and pouring out some water, soaking the material. “But we’ll have to make do with this.”

Kylo doesn’t say anything in response as she lifts the cloth to his face, wiping as gently as she can across the wound. Kylo can’t help but flinch at the touch, doing his best to hide his wince at the sharp burst of pain.

“Sorry,” Rey whispers in apology, clearing away the blood that had smeared across his forehead. The cloth quickly becomes coated in red, to which she wets another piece of cloth, continuing to wipe away the blood that continued to slowly leak from his head.

“This might hurt a bit,” Rey warns him as she takes a bundle of cloth in her hands and pressing it to the wound, putting as much pressure as she dares. Kylo’s breath hitches as his eyes flutter shut, holding his breath for a moment before releasing it slowly, keeping his eyes shut as he works through the pain.

After a few minutes, Rey pulls the bundle of cloths away from his head, relieved to see the bleeding had all but stopped. She gently grabs hold of the sides of his face, pulling him closer to take a better look at the injury. Kylo’s eyes open at the touch, gazing up at her as she assesses his wound.

“I don’t think you’ll need any stitches,” Kylo feels her breath fan across his face as she speaks. “We should probably keep it covered though, just to be sure.”

Kylo makes no complaints as she turns away to unroll the gauze, pushing his hair out of the way as she wraps the gauze around his head as tight as she can without hurting him. She finishes tying the ends of the gauze in a knot to secure it, her eyes dropping down to see Kylo’s intense gaze locked on her. Her hands slowly drop from his head as she finishes the knot, finding herself unable to tear her gaze away from the intensity of his.

“Thank you,” Kylo spoke softly, his gaze briefly moving from her eyes down to her lips, before flicking back up again.

Rey snapped herself out of it, all but leaping back from him, surprised by how close they had managed to get in just a few seconds. Kylo blinks owlishly for a few seconds before clearing his throat, glancing down at the log he was sat on and picking up the discarded and bloodies bits of cloth. With a few kicks of his feet, he had created a large enough hole to drop the piece of cloth into, kicking some dirt and leaves back on top to cover them. Rey placed the canteen back into her bag, picking up his saber from beside her and glancing up to see Kylo staring up at the sky. Rey looked up to see what he was staring at, noticing that through the cover of trees, she could make out the sun, which was already reaching its highest point in the sky.

“We uh… We should get going.” Rey stammered out, looking away from the sky and awkwardly holding his lightsaber out to him. Kylo doesn’t say a word in response as he scoops the saber back up, only solemnly nods at her and clips the saber back to his belt, turning on his heel and pushing through the forest once again. Rey watches his retreating form for a few seconds, unable to explain why the humming warmth she felt within her chest when she gazed into her eyes seemed to be growing colder the further he walked away from her.

“What just _happened?”_

* * *

Rey had all but sunk into her thoughts, mostly as a way to distract herself from the ache she felt throughout her entire body at being pinned down by that creature. She imagined Kylo was in a similar boat right now. That wound did look rather painful, and the hazy look she had seen in his eyes, along with his somewhat sluggish movements, didn’t do much to boost her confidence in his wellbeing. As she walks, she glances down to the two halves of her staff in her hands, feeling a pang of sadness for its demise. That weapon had been by her side nearly her entire life, protecting her from all manners of relentless scavengers and other trespassers.

She’s about to take another step forward when her path is blocked by Kylo’s arm, stretched out in front of her to stop her from moving any further. He’s not looking at her, rather he’s staring at a section of a cliff wall that’s adorned by hanging vines and creeping plants extending up and around the cracked rocks. He drops his hand away, sweeping over to the solid face of rock and placing a hand palm forward on its surface. Rey’s about to ask him what he’s trying to do when he takes a step to the side, grabbing hold of a clump of hanging vines and tugging them harshly down, ripping them away. This forms a small black hole, and Kylo continues to pull away more and more of the vegetation until eventually, there’s a hole large enough for them to squeeze through.

“This is it.” Kylo breathes, grabbing the side of the tough, thick vines, grunting with the effort as he pulls it to the side, widening the hole just a bit more for her to enter through.

“Are you coming with me?” Rey asked as she peering into the un-ending darkness within, a small bubble of anxiety forming at the idea of making her way through this cave all by herself.

“Every step of the way.”

She flashed him a grateful smile, to which she got a twitch of the lips from him in response. That’s as good as a smile to her, especially when considering this is Kylo Ren. She ducks under his arm that’s still holding the rebellious vines away that are valiantly trying to return to their original position, stepping into the smothering darkness that threatened to swallow her whole. Her eyes flick about in the dark, the small stream of light making its way through the entrance barely lighting the room. She only has to exist in this uncomfortable state of being without sight for a few seconds before the room is filled with a blinding red. She winces at the sudden, unexpected burst of light, though her eyes quickly recover. She glances over to the source of the light, seeing that Kylo had ignited his saber, holding it out in front of him as a light source. The crackling sabers light gave out a similar glowing effect, its flickering light replicating the effect of a lit torch.

If she’s being honest, the place doesn’t look all that special. The cave is narrow and somewhat claustrophobic, her limited vision making it feel like the walls were closing in on them both. The ceiling is, thankfully, quite high up, and she at least doesn’t feel at risk of the ceiling collapsing atop of her.

“We’re so close…” Kylo whispers into the darkness, his voice, while quiet, amplified as it bounces off the walls that enclosed them. “I envy you, in a way. This experience is one you’ll never forget.”

Kylo began to walk forward, Rey trailing close behind. After all, he’s the one that’s been here before, and she’d much rather not get lost in this place. Without a source of light, she’d never find her way back out, and that’s a fate she wants to avoid at all costs.

“Can you only ever get one crystal?” Rey asks as they advance further and further into the cave, relieved to see that the narrow walkways were beginning to widen marginally.

“I’ve never heard of an instance where more than one crystal has called out to one of the padawans during The Gathering. That doesn’t mean you’re limited to only one, however. There have been many Force Wielders in the past that have returned to Illum to find another crystal, either for another saber, or to create a saber with more than one blade.”

“Then… what’s stopping you from getting another crystal?”

“Nothing but myself,” Kylo replied. “I don’t need another crystal. I’m more than satisfied with the saber I have, and I have no desire to construct another for myself. I could experience collecting a crystal again, yes, but I can never again experience the first time. It’s different. The feeling of rightness is one I cannot explain. You’ll know when you feel it.”

It didn’t take long for Kylo to be proven right.

Rey repeated his earlier actions, shooting out a hand and grabbing hold of his upper arm, forcing him to come to a stop. It felt like a light tickling sensation at the back of her head at first, so subtle she almost didn’t notice it. The deeper down they went into the cave, the stronger it got until eventually, it was more than just a sensation. Now, she could hear it: Unintelligible whispering, floating out from somewhere ahead of them, willing her to come closer.

“You hear it, don’t you?” Kylo asked, and if she listened close enough, she would be able to pick up the slightest tone of excitement in his voice. “It’s calling out to you, Rey. Follow it.”

Rey didn’t need Kylo to tell her this. The need to go and find the source of the whispers was so strong, the notion of doing so utterly natural, something that she _has_ to do, the thought of _not_ doing it simply out of the question. It felt like she wasn’t in control of her body, more like she was just a passenger, watching herself as she descends further and further down, no longer needing the gentle glow of Kylo’s saber to light the way. She could be blind for all it mattered, robbed all of her senses, in fact, and it would not matter. So long as the Force existed within her, so long as she had the privilege of being able to shape it to her will, she would find her way.

Rey didn’t feel like she had truly regained control of her body until she had reached the end of a particularly narrow tunnel, staring agape at the gigantic cavern she had stepped into. The crumbling walls of the cave were now so far apart, the cavern so wide in size, that she could barely see where it ended, especially past the odd, murky fog that floated lazily just above the damp floor. All of this was _nothing_ compared to the ginormous, breath-taking crystals that littered the cavern, most jutting out from the walls of the cavern, others surrounding narrow columns that had been eroded away from the trickling water escaping from the ceiling. If it weren’t for the sense of calmness that had washed over her upon stepping into this place, the sight of the sharp, hanging crystals attached to the ceiling above them would likely have worried her.

But, it doesn’t. She trusts the crystals, as if they were alive, believing with her entire being that they would not hurt her.

“It really is beautiful,” Rey whispers in astonishment, spinning around to take in all that she can.

“It’s certainly something to behold, yes.” Kylo agrees. “The call, it must be stronger now. Almost unbearable, if your experience is similar to mine.”

It was _exactly_ the same as his experience, based on the incessant tug she felt deep down inside her. It almost felt like a physical pull, like someone had wrapped around her waist and was _yanking_ with all its might, willing her to follow wherever it leads. Rey readily gives in to the tug, to the call, letting her feet take her to where she needs to be.

_It’s here._

_It’s here, and its been waiting for you._

She feels it, more than she sees it. A single, small shard whose energy _pulsed_ through the room, standing out to her like a flashlight in the dark. Her pace quickens as she lays eyes on it, needing to _get_ there _faster_. She can hear the slapping sounds of her own footsteps as she advanced towards it, hears the echoing footsteps of Kylo right behind her, as he promised.

“Is this it?” Kylo asks once she comes to a stop. Her eyes were focused on only the crystal in front of her. Nothing seemed more important in the Galaxy, at least not right here in this moment.

“This is it.”

No if, no ‘I think’, no buts. This was _it._ She just _knew._

“What are you waiting for?” She could barely hear Kylo’s voice over the relentless whispering that filled her mind. “Take what’s yours.”

Rey reaches out a hand, pinching the tip of the crystal between her thumb and her forefinger. With a flick of her wrist, the crystal cracks, snapping off from the base of the shard. She pulls the crystal into her palm, wrapping her fingers so tightly around it that the sharp edges of the crystal bite into her soft skin, close to drawing blood.

Her mind raced with the possibilities, of what color the crystal would shift into. It had been colorless when she snapped it off, a rather cloudy pale white color, almost translucent. What color would it show to her? What of herself would the crystal reflect at her?

Rey closed her eyes, taking a deep breath to ready herself. Agonizingly slowly, Rey uncurls her fingers one by one, the crystal rocking lightly in her hands. She takes another deep breath, counts to three, and opens her eyes.

The crystal had broke in half.

Two pieces now sat in her hand. Moments ago, it had been one _single_ crystal. She _knew_ that. Felt it as she snapped it off.

But, that wasn’t all. That wasn’t the only thing that had caught her attention. It was the color of the crystal.

 _Red_.

The crystal was undisputedly, glaringly, _red._

Her stomach dropped to her feet, dread replacing the hole it’s lack of presence had created. This… This wasn’t possible, was it? She was sure of it. Kylo had told her as much, the crystals didn’t _naturally_ turn red. It was a _process_ , a draining, painful one at that. So _why?_ Why had this happened? Why did _she_ have to be the one for this phenomenon to occur for?

“Ben?” She whispers, his name coming out as more of a tremble. “Ben, I don’t understand, I didn’t think that-“

But when she turns to address him, he’s gone. Nothing but darkness exists in the place he had once been, seemingly vanishing from existence.

“Ben?” Rey calls out, her voice echoing back to her. “Ben!”

Panic is quick to take hold. She refused to believe he had just abandoned her. It just _wasn’t_ possible. He had been by her side seconds ago, there was no way for him to have left as quickly as he did. Nothing made _sense._

_You went straight to the dark…_

Rey whirled around, eyes desperately searching in the darkness for the source of the sound. Its cruel whispers bounced around the room, echoing its harsh words back to her.

_It offered you something you needed. And you didn’t even try to stop yourself…_

No….No, not this again.

_I’ve seen this raw strength only once before in Ben Solo. It didn’t scare me then. It does now…_

“Stop it…” Rey whispered, eyes wide in fear as she stumbled backward, her mind beginning to play tricks on her in the dark. “Just… Stop it…”

_You think you can turn him? Pathetic child…_

_“_ Shut _up!”_ Rey snaps at the irritating voices. “Bring everything back! Bring _Ben_ back!”

The voice shifted once more, no longer the voice of her mentor, or the being that had once ruled the First Order. The darkness had granted her request, but not in the way she wanted.

 _And somehow,_ you _convinced the droid to show it to you. **You**. A **scavenger** …_

“This isn’t real…” Rey whispered to herself, her attempt to reassure herself not going as planned when her own voice whispers back, “ _How can you be sure?”_

_You had no place in this story. You come from nothing. You’re nothing…_

_I know that when the time comes, you’ll be the one to turn. You’ll stand with me, Rey._

“I won’t!” Rey wailed. This was just a test. That’s all it was. Then, why did it feel more than that? The crystal burned in her hand, a reminder of its presence, that of which she had somehow almost forgotten about amidst all this chaos. She tightens her grip around the crystal halves, the stinging pain of their jagged edges a grateful distraction. “I’ll _never_ go down that way. I’ll never be tempted.”

“But words are easier than actions, are they not?”

It was her own voice again. Except, this time, it did not come from her own mind. No, she heard them spoken out loud, a dull tone that made her whole body shiver in disgust. And it was coming from right behind her.

The figure was shrouded in darkness, barely see-able due to the black garments it had draped itself in. A long, thick, dark cloak that pooled around their feet, clad in military-esque black boots. Black strips of fabric wrapped around the top of the boots, leading up and joining the equally black colored leggings. The thing that caught her attention the most was an all too familiar mask covering their face, the sight of the ragged blood red lines hitting her like a punch to the gut.

For a second, she almost whispered Ben’s name. After all, who else would wear such a mask, but the man who had hidden behind it for years? But, no… No, the figure was much too feminine to be him, too petite in size, too slender. And if the voice she had heard emitting from the figure has truly been her own, then…

Her worst fears are confirmed when the figure pulls the helmet off their head, that recognizable hiss of air sending a wave of nausea through her body. The most frightening thing about it all was, perhaps, that the face that was staring back at her had barely changed. Apart from the clothing, it seemed like she was just staring into a mirror. It was _her_ self, and she _seemed_ like herself.

“It had been one of his most brilliant ideas,” The other Rey stated, staring fondly down at the helmet in her hands. “ _‘The Mystery of Kylo Ren.’_ The unstoppable being of raw power, that would bring the Galaxy to its knees with nothing more than the swing of saber, and the wave of a hand. One Kylo Ren was terrifying enough, but… What if there were more than one? One equally as strong with the Force, one that could complement his power with their own… What being would stand a chance against _both_ of us?”

“No.” Rey denied, unable to stand the sound of her own voice, not when it was saying such words. “I would never agree to such a thing…”

“Oh, but we did,” The other her gloated. “And I was here, once. Just as you are now. And I said the same words that you did. And I _believed_ them as much as you do right now. But things change. _People_ change. And the more things changed, the more I learned… All of sudden, the words I once thought were from the ramblings of a tyrannical leader started to claim some truth to them.”

“ _Liar.”_

“You can tell yourself what you want to believe. Try and change things as much as possible. But at the end of it all, you’ll stand here, just as I am now. The Force will call out to you, ask for your guidance to teach another. Teach _you_. And you will do it gladly. You will tell yourself to give in to that happiness. Of what you were _missing_ all this time…”

“Tell me whatever you want. I won’t listen to a _word_ of it. There is only one truth, one such power that can grant us a view into the possibilities the future may hold, and that is The Force. You are nothing more than a cheap trick to sway me. The Force may show me such possibilities, but _I_ am the one that controls my own destiny.”

“Yes,” The other her agreed, much to Rey’s surprise. “You do control your own destiny. And that thing in your hand right there? That is the piece that leads you down this road, to becoming the person you see in front of you.”

The other her slowly placed a hand behind her back, yanking away a saber that had been cleverly hidden within a holder strapped to her back. She ignited the saber, revealing two fiery blades which, to her horror, were of the same ferocious energy as Kylo’s saber, the crackling red projecting across the sharp lines of dark her’s face.

“You take those crystal pieces from this place? It will always end up back here. Back in this saber in my hands. This will _always_ be its place.”

“I won’t give in. Not to you, not to Kylo, not to the Dark. I will _never_ become like you. I’ll make sure that _never_ happens. No matter what it takes.”

The smirk on dark her’s face slipped away, lips curling in disgust at her past self.

“So be it.”

Dark Rey flicked the saber in her hand, the forceful movement pushing one saber down until it locked into place, forming a two-sided staff. A satisfied smile appeared on her face at the fear that washed over Rey’s face.

The crystal pieces in Rey’s hands began to burn ferociously, hot enough that she was tempted to drop it to the floor to relieve the searing pain. The burning spread across her hand, the crystal joining and becoming… Larger? It was morphing shape, tall enough that she could wrap her hands around it. It’s smooth surface had changed, the ridges she felt under her fingers very familiar. Rey pries her eyes away from her other self long enough to glance down at the crystal in her hands.

Only, it wasn’t a crystal anymore.

It was Kylo’s saber.

Rey wasted no time, flicking the ignition switch up to his saber. It did not emit the crimson blades she was used to, instead out came a pouring of _blindingly_ bright white light. It retained its unstable, crackling energy, casting a flickering white light all around the cavern. It’s light lit up Dark Rey’s face, and this time it was _her_ face that had constricted in fear, though she still retained that look of disgust, now directed at the saber in Rey’s hands.

“ _Abomination,”_ Dark Rey spat at her, her fear quickly morphing to fury. “Do _not_ try to deceit me. Kylo would _never_ do that to his saber. He would _never_ do such a thing.”

Rey had no idea what the other her was babbling about, but clearly, it had disturbed her deeply. From what she could see, the only thing about the saber that had changed was its color, and she would confess she knew little about a sabers color, even more so, she had never even _heard_ of a lightsaber turning white. This was not a new saber, it was very obviously Kylo’s one. She could never mistake it. So _how_ had the crystal within changed color? And _why_ did it upset the vision she was shown so much?

Rey doesn’t have much time to dwell on it, for the vision in front of her charges, lightsaber raised, ready to strike. Rey swings Kylo’s saber up in retaliation, placing a foot behind her to steady herself as Dark Rey’s saber clashes with Kylo’s. The force of the hit has Dark’s Rey’s saber sliding off to the side, to which she spins and aims a blow at Rey’s side. Rey just barely manages to aim Kylo’s saber down by her side in time to catch the hit, the hit nearly pushing Kylo’s saber into her own flesh. Rey kicks out her foot, landing squarely on Dark Rey’s chest. Dark Rey stumbles back with a pained grunt, though it quickly turns to amused laughter as she spins the saber-staff from her left hand to her right, taunting Rey with a wave of her hand, gesturing her closer.

Rey doesn’t rise to the bait.

 _‘Don’t strike first.’_ A smooth voice filters through her head, wrapping its comforting presence around her mind. ‘ _Let her come to you.’_

“How many years into the future are you?” Rey asks her future self as she begins stepping to the side, to which Dark Rey copies, the two slowly circling one another. “To think; You have all these years of dark side training over me, and yet, you can’t beat me.”

Dark Rey _does_ rise to the bait.

She snarls, taking a few powerful pouncing steps towards her before she uses the force to launch herself into the air, aiming the end of her staff at Rey as she falls. Rey struggles with the weight of Kylo’s saber, sluggishly swinging it into the air and knocking the staff to the side before it can impale her. Dark Rey’s feet are centimeters from touching the ground, but before she can land, Rey throws out a hand, using the Force to push her away before she can attack once more. Dark Rey uses the Force to slow down her landing, feet skidding across the rocky floor as she slows to a stop, crouching low to the ground as she lands to take in the impact of the landing, her staff held tightly behind her back. In a flash, she’s back on her feet, the staff in her hand a blur of red and black as she takes repeated swipes in Rey's direction. Rey parries, mostly instinct and muscle memory fueling her movement as she reflects the hits. Rey pushed down the staff with Kylo’s saber, pushing it further and further down until it meets the floor. The floor hisses at the contact, rock slowly melting away as the tip of the staff is forced further and further down into the ground. Dark Rey pushes the other side of the staff towards Rey’s who flinches back enough to avoid the other end of the staff from spearing her face and lifts Kylo’s saber into the air, bringing it down hard onto her future self. Dark Rey throws out a hand, catching the saber mid-air. Rey’s arms shake with the effort as she tries to resist the force pushing up on her saber, and to her surprise, see’s that she’s winning the fight as the saber inches slowly downwards. Dark Rey unexpectedly releases hold of the saber, rolling away to the side to avoid the saber slicing through her.

Rey bends back up from the strike in time to see Dark Rey holding out a hand to the wall of the cave. A harsh rumble fills the air, the floor shakes, and then, a chunk of rock is ripped right out of the wall. It hovers menacingly in the air for only a moment before it’s sailing through the air, thrown in her direction.

_‘Grab it!’_

Rey flicks out a hand, calling out to the Force as she imagines physically swiping the rock away. The rock all but _soars_ away to the side, slamming into the side of the cavern with such a forceful impact that the cavern begins shaking again. Then, there’s another chunk of rock flying towards her.

This time, she grabs it.

The rock floats in front of her, a few bits crumbling away to the floor at how hard she was ‘ _grabbing’_ it. Instead of letting the rock fall to the floor, she lets her rage get the best of her, screaming in fury as she launches the rock back at her opponent. Dark Rey dives to the ground, the rock going sailing over her head. Rey advances towards Dark Rey, taking advantage of her opponent's weakened position on the ground. She twirls Kylo’s saber in her hand until it’s pointed downwards, pulling the saber across her body and striking slantways at Dark Rey. Dark Rey only just manages to get her staff up in time, but her grip on her weapon wasn’t strong enough, and the staff is wrenched from her hands, clinking across the floor and rolling away. Rey sneers at her future self as she watches her weapon disappear into the darkness of the cavern, raising Kylo’s saber until the tip was pointed down at her head, ready to bring it down.

‘ _DON’T!’_

The voice was so _deafeningly_ loud now, startling her enough that she took a few stumbled steps back. Her first few steps land on solid ground, her startled retreat pushing her further and further into the suffocating darkness of the cavern. It’s only once she’s fully surrounded by the darkness, barely able to see her future self still knelt frozen on the ground, head bowed in preparation for the killing blow that her next step meets nothing but air, and then she's falling, falling down into the deep, inky pit of _nothingness_.

She expects the intense pain of her body meeting the hard ground before she fades into oblivion. The world around her is still dark, and she can certainly feel the solid ground under her back and her legs, laid out across the floor. Except her head is cushioned on something soft, and she is very aware of the feeling of warm, calloused hands caressing the sides of her face.

Her eyes flutter open, escaping the all-consuming blackness she had slipped into. Her vision comes into clarity, focusing on the sight of Kylo’s face leaned over her, eyes closed and face twisted in pained concentration, the edges of the bandage on his head drenched in sweat. All of a sudden, his eyes snap open, and they immediately drift down to her face. The relief on his face upon seeing her awake was palpable. He tilted his back slightly, blowing out a puff of air as he closed his eyes once more.

He looked immensely tired.

“What…” Rey gets out blearily, feeling like she had just been flattened by a speeder. A pained groan escaped her lips as she bent forward, pushing down the heat rising to her cheeks at the realization her head had been resting in Kylo’s lap. “What happened?”

“You dropped the second you touched your crystal,” Kylo answered, not moving from his knelt position on the floor. “I managed to catch you before you hit the floor.”

“Does that always happen? When you touch your crystal for the first time?”

“Not to me. I tried to wake you, but nothing was working. I had to enter your mind to find out what was happening.”

Something unpleasant coiled in Rey’s stomach at that. She had experienced Kylo searching through her mind without her permission once before. The thought of someone so easily being able to sift through her thoughts, to take whatever they want from her… It unsettled her, to say the least. Kylo seemed to sense that, the closest thing to shame she think’s she’ll ever see from him flittering across his face.

Then, it clicks in her mind. That _voice._ It had been so familiar, so comforting… _How_ had she not recognized it?

“It was you, wasn’t it? The voice I heard, that was _you?_ ”

“I wasn’t sure what state you were trapped in,” Kylo answered. “I didn’t want to find out what happens if you were to lose to her.”

“That other me, she… She said I’d turn out like her if I took this crystal.”

“I heard.”

“She’s _wrong.”_

Kylo raised an eyebrow at her.

“You don’t sound all that confident in that.” Kylo challenged her.

The most irritating part was that he was _right._ All of her decisions since she had discovered her connection with the Force had been fueled by the visions the Force had shown her. The way her opinion had changed of Luke once Kylo had shown her a vision of the past, of the night Master Skywalker had considered taking his life. How that in itself had only added fuel to the fire when Kylo had reached his hand to her across the burning fire of her hut, of the _agonizingly beautiful_ future of Ben Solo the Force had shown her the second her fingers had brushed against his, only reinforcing her decision to drop everything and go to him, to _ensure_ that vision would become reality.

And now, her future apparently lied in the crystal she held in her hands.

They both looked down to her hand that held the crystal, her fingers clenched so tight that her knuckles were turning a milky white, straining against the thin layer of skin covering her hand. Kylo’s gaze briefly shifted up to her face; seeing the trepidation there, the hesitation to truly gaze upon the crystal for the first time.

“We can’t just sit here and stare at your hand forever,” Kylo said gently, placing his hand over hers, her small hand engulfed in his. “I’m here every step of the way, remember? We can do this together.”

Ever so delicately, Kylo tugged at her fingers. Her fingers followed the movement, uncurling under his hand. Now there was nothing blocking the crystal from the light of day but Kylo’s own hand over hers.

“Together?” Kylo said in a questioning tone, ducking his head down to meet her gaze. He wouldn’t remove his hand until she was sure she was ready.

“Together.”

Kylo’s hand slowly slipped away from her own. Rey gasped sharply at the sight of the crystal. Even Kylo took in a sharp breath as he laid eyes on the crystal. The crystal was not a deep red as the vision had shown her. It was a wonderful, shining _gold_ crystal nestled safely in the palm of her hands. Rey looked up to Kylo, who had a similar look of astonishment on his face.

If she were to guess, that meant this didn’t happen all that often.

Right now though, she didn’t care what it meant. All she cared about was the crystal was _whole,_ in _one_ piece. Not cracked into two pieces as her vision had shown. It was not _red_ , at least, not now. The vision had been _wrong,_ and she had never felt so thankful for such a realization.

“Well, you got one thing right,” Rey said, glancing up to Kylo’s curious face with a tired laugh. “This is certainly something I’ll _never_ forget.”


	6. Shared Epiphanies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo blinked slowly in disbelief, taken aback by the sincerity in her voice, of the weight of her words. This wasn’t something he was used to. Someone caring about him. Not of his lineage. Of his potential. Of what his power can do for them. Him.
> 
> “I only saw a few seconds of Ben Solo, and somehow I miss him,” Rey continued, a hint of sadness and wistfulness in her voice as she spoke. “Coming back to reality, I felt like I had lost someone I had known my whole life. I suppose it’s weird to pine for a man you’ve never even met.”
> 
> That one single word seemed to resound in his head, echoing endlessly as the silence between them stretched on: Pine… When his mind wasn’t repeating that one word, it was providing him with alternatives: Long for? Yearn for? Ache for? Want? Desire? Lust for?
> 
> “Doesn’t help you both have the same face…” Rey said with what Kylo could only assume was meant to be some sort of a joke. “Except you had a smile on your face instead of that scowl.”

If Kylo noticed she was quieter than usual, he didn’t mention it. They trudged back through the cave in near silence, Kylo taking the lead with Rey following behind. Occasionally, Kylo would glance back at her over his shoulder as they walked- perhaps to make sure she was still following, or maybe to check that she hadn’t collapsed as she had before. Either way, she didn’t say anything about his constant check-ups. She was too busy staring at her feet as she walked anyway.

The world beyond the cave had changed drastically in the hour they had been down in the cave. Rey could hear the booming thunder before they had even stumbled upon the exit, so loud it shook a few loose rocks free from the ceiling. She heard Kylo sigh heavily at the first clap of thunder, and she remembered what he had mentioned earlier that day, back aboard his ship; the terrifying storms on this planet that would strike relentlessly. Dangerous. Unpredictable.

Rain was always a weird concept for Rey. Even with all the time she’s spent gallivanting around Ahch-To’s perpetually damp islands, she always expects to walk outside and be greeted by scorching dry air. Now, with Kylo holding open the drenched vines that covered the exit of the cave, she could barely see anything past the torrential downpour of rain. The mossy ground outside had turned into more of a marshland, the flooded patch of ground sending a stream of water into the cave which washed past their feet.

The brilliantly blue sky above had turned to an angry-looking mash of gray clouds, the coming night making the sky appear almost black. The setting sun could barely peak through the thick layer of clouds, the majority of the light now provided by the blindingly bright flashes of lightning which spread across the horizon, each flash highlighting the clouds in a mesmerizing white glow. Even with the way Kylo had described his experience with the storms before, it in no way compared to what Rey was seeing now. The lightning seemed to strike the ground every second or so, and Rey struggled to track every fork that hit the ground as they spread far past the horizon, in every direction possible. It seemed like there wasn’t one square inch of ground that hadn’t been hit by a strike in the few minutes she stood gawping at the light show.

“Is this… safe?” Rey asked, swallowing down her nerves as she peered beyond the curtain of vines.

“No,” Kylo answered, looking – surprisingly- about as nervous as she felt. “But we have no idea how long this could last.”

“So, we’re just going to risk it?”

“All of my supplies are on my ship. If we wait this out, and it turns out the storm lasts for days, we’ll have to go back to my ship eventually anyway. At that point, we may have gone days without any food, barely any rest…”

“I guess you’re right…” Rey admitted, looking away from him to stare at the storm outside, as he was. “It still seems risky, though.”

“It is,” Kylo plucked his helmet from his belt, placing it atop his head and securing it to his face with a few clicks of the locks. “And it’s the only option we have.”

The modulated voice from his helmet never failed to make her feel anxious, something so unnatural and sinister to it that sent her body into fight mode. Kylo stepped past the vines covering the exit, holding them open with the width of his body and glancing back at Rey over his shoulders. He continued forward once Rey gathered up the courage to exit the cave, the two of them stepping out into the forceful rain together.

Rey became drenched the second her feet left the solid rock floor of the cave, each droplet of rain hitting her skin so hard that she was sure it would leave dotted bruises all over her body. The rain rolled off her soaked hair and into her eyes, turning everything around her into a blurry mess of colors. Kylo was nothing more than a retreating black blob within the splotchy greens and browns of the jungle, apparently not as fazed as the rain as she was as he continued forward, heading back through the path they made to get here.

“Why have you got that thing on again?” Rey shouted over the exploding thunder and deafening rain around them, jogging to catch up to Kylo as he stormed forwards.

Kylo paused upon hearing how far back her shouts were, turning and waiting for Rey to catch up to his side. Rey was breathing heavily already, wiping fruitlessly at her eyes as the rain dripped off her face. The air was unbelievably humid now, the rain so warm that it provided no cooling comfort as it usually would.

“In the event it somehow escaped your notice, it _is_ currently raining,” Not only were his clothes dripping with rain, but his voice was also dripping with sarcasm. “And, strangely enough, wearing a mask over my head _does_ reduce the amount of rain that gets into my eyes.”

“Ha, ha,” Rey said dryly, squinting ahead of her as they continued at a slow pace. “I still don’t like you wearing it.”

“You say that like you miss seeing my face.”

Rey was infinitely glad that Kylo was in front of her, as it meant he wasn’t able to see the fierce blush that appeared across her cheeks at his words. She struggled to find the right words -insults if she’s being honest- to fire back at him, and the resulting stretch of silence after was enough to get a distorted, satisfied chuckle from within his mask.

“Don’t flatter yourself,” Rey shot back at him once her mind switched back on. She wished she still had her staff to give him a sharp jab to the back. Actually, she still had a few pieces of it… “The less I get to see of you, the better. It’s just sad seeing you trying so desperately to copy your grandfather-“

Kylo whipped around in place, coming to a stop so quickly that Rey nearly slipped over onto her backside as she came to a stop. He covered the small amount of space between them with a few of his long strides, practically shoving his finger into her face as he seethed. “ _Don’t._ You don’t get to mention him. You don’t even know _half_ the story.”

“And who’s fault is that?” Rey countered, slapping his finger out of the air, surprising them both. “No one tells me _anything._ Your mother and Master Luke told me I’m supposed to be the next Jedi, but they won’t tell me a thing about those that came before me! _You_ say I’m supposed to rule the First Order by _your_ side, but you don’t tell me anything about _your_ past! Of your family!”

“We don’t have time for this.” Kylo spat. He whirled back around, nearly slapping Rey across the face with his cape. Rey could only huff to herself at the sight of him storming away, the usual result to one of his tantrums (or when he didn’t know how to win an argument.)

“Would you slow down?” Rey asked as she chased after him, nearly tripping over some tree roots that were peeking out of the muddy ground.

“No,” Kylo answered bluntly, his steps so forceful that each step sent mud spraying up both their legs. “I’d rather not stand around and get struck by lightning, thank you.” He frowned at the feeling of fingers digging into his back, nearly stumbling over his feet as he looked back at Rey. “Wha-- What are you doing?”

“Making sure I don’t lose you. I can barely see a thing in this storm.” Rey said.

Kylo stared down at her for a few seconds before making up his mind. Rey was about to argue when she felt his fingers wrap around her wrist to, presumably, remove her hand from his back. So, it was quite a shock when he instead kept his hand wrapped around her own, turning away before he could see her reaction. He continued to walk forward, practically dragging a frozen Rey along with him.

Rey’s feet eventually caught on, struggling to keep up with Kylo’s freakishly long strides. Every step of his was about three or four for her, meaning she basically had to jog to keep up with his ‘walk’. He was right though; staying still in the middle of this volatile storm wasn’t the best of ideas. Judging by how quickly he was trying to get them both out of here, Kylo felt about as uneasy in this storm as she did. Perhaps because nature was an enemy that he knew he couldn’t fight back against.

Rey wasn’t sure why she thought the storm would calm down eventually. Yet, the longer they walked, the more violent the storm seemed to get. It appeared that, somehow, the number of strikes around them increased, some landing a little too close for comfort. One such strike hit a particularly tall tree mere meters away from them, the resulting blinding flash of lightning and accompanying deafening crash of thunder enough to make even Kylo jump out of his skin.

They didn’t have much time to recover before _another_ strike hit the _exact_ same place- proving that lightning did in fact strike the same place twice. They both jumped to the side, Kylo’s grip tightening protectively around her wrist as they stared wide-eyed at the tree. It had all but split in half, the inside of the wood glowing hot, embers spitting from within its bark. The tree gave a groan that made it sound almost alive, and they could do nothing but watch as it gave into its own weight, their eyes following its slow descent down.

The ground gave an almighty shake as the behemoth of a tree hit the ground. Kylo raised his free arm to cover his face, instinct overpowering the knowledge that he had a mask to protect his face. He still turned away from the fall though, because even if _he_ had a mask, _Rey_ didn’t. He pulled Rey with him as he turned, his large frame shielding her from the sharp shards of wood that splintered off from the crackling wood.

Suddenly, walking didn’t seem fast enough. “We need to run,” Rey stated the obvious, pulling at Kylo’s arm to follow her.

“No. This storm, it’s… it’s worse than the one before. We won’t make it to my ship, even if we run.” Kylo said, his eyes darting around their surroundings under his mask.

“Then what do you suggest we do?”

“We need to find cover, and _fast_ ,” Kylo said. His hands slipped down from her wrist, and Rey felt his leather-clad fingers fit between her own. Rey assumed he knew where he was going - though he seemed about as lost as she felt. Even if she _could_ have recognized where they once were, the environment had changed too much in this storm. Even the storm itself was too much of a distraction for her mind to focus on where the Hell they _were_ right now.

“There!” Kylo’s muffled shout was scarcely audible over the intense storm. Rey looked up, seeing Kylo’s free hand pointing at somewhere to their immediate right. Her eyes landed on what seemed like the bottom of a cliff. She followed his finger and, to her immense relief, realized he wasn’t just pointing out the cliff, but a hollowed-out patch near the top.

Another _cave._

She had no idea how deep it was, or of what creature may lurk within, but she didn’t _care_. So long as both herself and Kylo could fit themselves under its shelter and get away from the torrential rain and killer lightning, she would take it.

So would Kylo it seemed, since he was already making a beeline towards it, dragging Rey along with her whether she wanted to or not (which she most certainly did). They were sprinting at such a speed that they both nearly slammed into the cliff face, skidding on the slippery mud beneath their feet. They didn’t pause, hands finally separating to find purchase on the slick ledges dug into the rock by the planets violet weather.

They hauled themselves up, their chests puffing with every breath -even with the Force aiding their climb. Rey’s fingers burned at the effort of holding her weight, one too many slips of her feet sending her heart racing. Adrenaline kept her going, and she once again found an advantage to her smaller body size -she could climb much more elegantly than Kylo, racing up the cliff-face whilst Kylo’s movements were sluggish and uncoordinated. His bulkier weight both worked with him and against him, his trained muscles helping with every pull, but at the same time were weighing him down.

Relief flooded through Rey as her hand met the lip of the cave entrance, her fingernails scratching against the hard ground, every muscle in her body straining as she pulled herself over the edge. She panted on her hands and knees, flopping over onto her back and taking a few deep gulps of air as the rain continued to pour down on her. Her eyes snapped open, feeling her heart stutter in her chest when she saw Kylo still hadn’t appeared beside her. Rey dragged herself back to the edge of the cliff, peering over the lip. She found him quickly, no longer climbing, his fingers dug deeply into a ledge. She could see his chest heaving, his arms shaking with the effort of keeping his entire weight up.

Kylo was agonizingly close to the top, but to Rey’s horror, it seemed that he didn’t have the strength to pull himself the rest of the way. Not on his own, at least. “Ben!” She yelled down to him, hoping he could hear her over the storm.

It seemed he did. His head slowly tilted up to face her, droplets of rain sliding down the sleek black metal of his mask. Rey pulled herself as far forward as she dared, stretching out a hand to him. Kylo’s hand sluggishly moved towards hers. Rey’s heart jumped when he slipped down, barely able to hold on with only one arm. Rey stretched her arm as far as she could, feeling every tendon to her fingers burn as she reached out to him. His fingertips barely brushed against hers, struggling to stretch out his arm when the other was about ready to give up.

“Come on, Ben! You’re nearly there!” Rey begged. She pushed herself impossibly further down, relying on her feet to anchor her to the rain-soaked rock. She could only imagine the grimace under Kylo’s mask before he did something Rey would call ‘tremendously stupid and reckless’. He used his hands and feet to push off the rock face, leaping up the last few inches and grabbing onto Rey’s hand for dear life.

Rey felt herself jolt with the extra weight, pushing back against the force now pulling her down. She gritted her teeth, yelling with the effort of pulling Kylo -in all his soaked clothes- up the cliff-side. Kylo’s free hand slapped loudly atop the ground, a warped grunt escaping his mask as he pushed himself up. Rey fell back when he finally made it over the edge, letting go of his hand and falling onto her back with an exhausted gasp.

“You’re… An _idiot,”_ Rey gasped out before she had fully caught her breath. She grunted as she pulled herself into a sitting position, bending her legs until she rested on her shins, leaning her weight on her hands which rested on her thighs. “What would you do if you missed my hand?”

“Fall,” Kylo replied, to which Rey barely resisted the urge to smack that stupid helmet off his head. Kylo sat up and held a hand to his aching ribs, which he had smashed into the rocks when grabbing her hands.

“Good. You deserve that,” Rey said cruelly, gesturing to his pained side with a flick of her chin.

“What would you have suggested I do, then?” Kylo asked, yanking his helmet off his head. “Use the Force to magically extend the length of my arm?”

“ _No,_ ” Rey wasn’t sure if she enjoyed his snark or not. She decided she didn’t when it was being directed at _her_. “Just… Pushed yourself up _without_ letting go, maybe.”

“Doubt I could have made it without jumping,” Kylo pushed himself up to his feet, his body leaning towards its injured side. “But… thank you.”

Rey blinked rapidly, taken aback by his gratitude. “For what?”

“For offering a hand. And not dropping me once you had a hold of me,” Kylo had already turned away from her, limping towards the cave entrance, so he missed the stunned expression on her face. “Probably would have been the smart thing to do…”

It surprised her how much it stung, of not knowing the amount of suffering Kylo must have gone through in his life. So much so that the thought of someone offering help _without_ planning on turning on him at some point was a foreign concept to him.

Rey pushed herself up to her feet, standing and watching as Kylo hobbled over to the small hollowed out space that could barely be called ‘shelter’. Rey stepped forward, and the tip of her boots connected with a few loose branches on the ground that must have been blown off from the trees in the storm. She bent down and picked up the soaked wood, juggling them in her arms as she made her way over to Kylo.

The dark of night had finally taken over the sky, though the thick coverage of the storm meant that there probably wouldn’t have been much of a difference in visibility even if it was still day. Kylo was sat facing the edge of the cliff with his mask placed haphazardly next to him, holding his knees to his chest for warmth as he watched Rey approach him. His soaked hair was plastered to his forehead, the miserable frown etched on his face making him look every bit the drowned rat he was aspiring to be.

“I’m not sure if we can use this,” Rey said, dropping the pile of drenched wood in her arms at his feet. “The temperature’s dropping already. We need a fire, but I think this wood might be a bit too wet to use.”

Rey looked around their small surroundings, searching for any sharp rocks she could use as flint to make a spark. This was going to be especially difficult with how wet the sticks were, but she had to try _something._ She had lived through many cold nights in Jakku’s desert before, and they were far from pleasant. If she were lucky, she’d sometimes find some old, dried-up vegetation that went up in flames at the tiniest spark, but she wasn’t going to find any of that up here.

Kylo watched her with a puzzled stare as she selected two loose rocks from the ground, wondering what she could be doing. He didn’t interrupt her until she had finished piling up the sticks she had dumped at his feet, banging the two rocks together repeatedly. “What are you doing?”

“What does it look like?” Rey replied without looking at him, wishing to see that bright flash of a spark with every tap of the rocks in her hands. “I’m trying to start a fire so we don’t freeze to death.”

“You already said they’re too wet. That won’t work,” Kylo said.

Rey cursed under her breath after what felt like the fiftieth attempt at smashing the rocks together with no results, feeling the beginning of numbness settling in her fingers. “What do you suggest, then?” She snapped, dropping the rocks in her frustration.

Kylo peered at her through the dripping strands of hair across his face for a few seconds. He leaned forward, pushing himself up with a wince. The hand holding his side drifted down to his saber attached to his belt, grabbing hold and pulling it away. He flicked the ignition switch, those all too familiar menacing blades emitting from the sabers ports. They already looked so much like flames; it was a shame they didn’t actually emit heat.

Kylo knelt on one knee, poking about the pile of sticks with his free hand until it resembled a shape he was seemingly satisfied with. Then, to Rey’s surprise, Kylo shoved the tip of his lightsaber straight into the pile of sticks. The question of what he was doing was on the tip of her tongue, but then she saw the thin plume of smoke sneak out the top of the pile. Within seconds, the small flicker of embers she spotted nestled within the pile erupted into flames, replacing the crackling red glow of Kylo’s saber with its soothing amber glow.

Kylo dropped back down with a grunt once he extinguished his saber, peering into the flickering flames as he reattached his saber to his side. He began playing with the clips attaching his cape to his armor, the leather gloves he was wearing making it more difficult. He cursed to himself, yanking the gloves off and exposing his skin to the cold of the night, fumbling with the clips as he made another attempt to pull them off. They finally released after a few botched tries, and Kylo yanked his cape away.

“What?” Kylo grumbled when he saw Rey staring at him in a mix of dumbfoundment and irritation. He huffed, flicking his cape and gently lowering it down in front of the fire. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Couldn’t you have started the fire _before_ I made a fool of myself trying to light it?” Rey asked.

“I could have,” Kylo agreed. He crossed his legs and settled in front of the fire, dropping his leather gloves next to his cape and holding his hands over the fire, trying to bring some warmth back into them. “But it was funnier to watch you struggle.”

Rey frowned down at him, sitting opposite with an agitated huff that he didn’t even bother to acknowledge. “You really do enjoy watching me suffer, don’t you?”

“Not much else to do out here.”

The sound of the rain hitting the rock cropping above them would be soothing to Rey if she weren’t focused on how cold she was. Whilst the fire was doing its best to provide some warmth, her soaked clothes overpowered said warmth, the cold seeping down to her bones. Her eyes flickered up to Kylo, but he was staring sombrely into the glowing flames. His clothes were as drenched as hers, but he certainly wasn’t shivering as much as she was. In fact, he wasn’t shivering at all. Perhaps he just didn’t feel the cold… Or maybe he couldn’t feel anything. She supposed that was a possibility.

“Do you think this storm is going to last the whole night?” Rey shuffled closer to the fire, seeking every bit of warmth she could get.

“Possibly. We could be unlucky enough for it to last days.”

“We’re getting out of here as soon as possible though, right?”

Kylo’s gaze moved from the fire, meeting her eyes. “In this kind of storm? We’d be foolish to try and fly in this. We’d be struck down before we can even get off the ground.”

Rey had been expecting this answer, but it was no less disheartening to hear. Ever since her time in that cave, every second on this planet has made her feel uncomfortable down to her very soul. She just wanted to get away from this place, but it seemed that some power out there was doing all it could to keep the two of them stuck here. “Guess that means we’re in for an uncomfortable night’s sleep?”

Kylo grunted in what she can only assume is agreement. He looks back to the fire, but then something makes him look back at her, his brow creasing into a frown. “What’s wrong?”

“C-C-Cold,” Rey managed to get out through chattering teeth. “I’ll be fine-”

She’s interrupted as Kylo smoothly stands, plucking his cloak from the ground as he does so. He runs a hand over the silky material, deeming it dry enough. Rey watches him as he steps around the fire, going out of her sight as he walks behind her. She feels a warm, soft blanket -his cape, she quickly realizes- cover her shoulders. Her eyes seem fixated on Kylo now as he walks back to where he was and sits back down.

“Thank you,” Rey said softly, tugging the lapels of the cloak closer, enveloping herself in its toasty warmth from where it’s been sat in front of the fire.

Kylo doesn’t say anything in response to her gratitude, only nods his head to show he had heard her, his eyes focused on something elsewhere in the distance. After a few moments of nothing passing between them, Kylo scoots himself back until he hits the wall of the cave. He stretches his legs out in front of him, leaning back against the wall and crossing his arms with a soft sigh.

Rey’s shivering quickly subsided with the extra warmth his cloak provided, relieved she could feel the tips of her fingers again. She wanted nothing more than to find a somewhat comfortable position to lay down in this cave and go to sleep, but that was about as likely to happen as Kylo turning allegiances. Never mind the last dregs of a chill that kept its claws dug in, the constant flashes of lightning were so blindingly bright that she had no doubt she would see them from behind her eyelids. Not to mention the loud claps of thunder that came with them. This was one of the rare situations where she cursed herself for being a light sleeper. Then again, she’d much rather struggle to fall asleep then struggle to wake up when she needs to…

Kylo seemed to be having trouble falling asleep as well. Or maybe he wasn’t even trying to right now. He seems like the kind of person that’s somehow able to function days without a blink of sleep. And function well, might she add.

“Are you just going to pretend it didn’t happen?”

Rey startles as she glances up at Kylo, not expecting him to speak. “Huh?”

He had turned his head to speak to her now. “What you saw when you took your crystal. What _I_ saw.”

“I’m not pretending it didn’t happen,” Rey bristled, suddenly finding herself unable to meet his gaze. “I’m just not talking about it.”

“Why not?” Kylo squinted his eyes at her. “Are you afraid of what you saw?”

“ _No,”_ Rey insisted.

“Then what?”

“I just don’t want to talk about it, okay?”

Kylo didn’t react much to her outburst. If anything, he seemed to have been expecting it, judging by that infuriating ‘know it all’ smirk etched onto his face. She scoffed at him, not in the mood to be sucked into an argument with him right now. “Definitely afraid.” He settled on with all the confidence he had.

“Would you drop it?” Rey hissed at him. “You were being nice not long ago when you gave me your cloak. Can you really not go more than five minutes without being unkind?”

“Depends.”

“On _what?_ ”

“If you can find a way to avoid conversations you don’t want to have without insulting me as a distraction.”

“I-,” He had her there. “What does it matter if I talk about it? You saw it, just as I did. What’s there to say?”

“Perhaps the fact that the other you? That’s who I saw sat beside me in _my_ vision, from that night.”

That _night._ Sat as they were now, appearing as if nothing but a small fire was separating them when in reality, they were lightyears away from one another. Yet, through that distance, she had felt the rough pad of his fingers brush against hers, had felt the warmth of his skin seep into hers. She had seen her entire future laid out for her. Just the sight of Ben Solo stood by her side had been enough for her to personally deliver herself to the Snoke’s ship, voluntarily placing herself into his custody.

Now… Now the Force had shown her a _much_ different vision. One that, if Ben was telling the truth, was beginning to line up with the vision he had opposite her the first time they had physically connected.

“You haven’t talked much about your own vision before this,” Rey said.

“You never cared enough to listen,” Kylo countered. “And there hasn’t exactly been an opportunity to bring it up.”

“It doesn’t matter. I don’t see _that_ as a vision of the future. Only a possibility, a warning of the kind of person I could become. Maybe it’s because I’ve been around _you_ for too long.”

There were a lot of ways Rey was expecting for Kylo to respond to that, but the hurt she saw flash across his face definitely wasn’t one of them. “I didn’t know the thought of me being in your life was so repulsive to you,” Kylo tried to keep his voice neutral, but the offended tone still snuck through.

“When it’s the two of us taking billions of innocent lives for nothing more than the ‘idea’ of a better Galaxy? Yes, _that_ repulses me. Ben, the only reason I’m _doing_ all of this is in the foolish hope that it leads to the vision _I_ saw being true. I’m doing this to _keep_ you in my life, you idiot!”

“Y-You-,” Kylo spluttered out. “You want me in your life?”

Rey could feel the heat rise in her cheeks, hoping that Kylo would mistake the red flush as nothing more than heat burn from the fire. Still, this was a question she needed to answer truthfully if she wanted to get her point across. “The you that I saw? I’d want nothing more. I don’t think you realize how much I’d be willing to do for _that_ version of you.”

Kylo blinked slowly in disbelief, taken aback by the sincerity in her voice, of the weight of her words. This wasn’t something he was used to. Someone caring about _him._ Not of his lineage. Of his potential. Of what his power can do for them. _Him_.

“I only saw a few seconds of Ben Solo, and somehow I miss him,” Rey continued, a hint of sadness and wistfulness in her voice as she spoke. “Coming back to reality, I felt like I had lost someone I had known my whole life. I suppose it’s weird to pine for a man you’ve never even met.”

That one single word seemed to resound in his head, echoing endlessly as the silence between them stretched on: _Pine…_ When his mind wasn’t repeating that one word, it was providing him with alternatives: Long for? Yearn for? Ache for? Want? Desire? _Lust_ for?

“Doesn’t help you both have the same face…” Rey said with what Kylo could only assume was meant to be some sort of a joke. “Except you had a smile on your face instead of that scowl.”

Kylo hears the click of his own throat as he swallowed, his mouth feeling a bit too dry all of a sudden. “I think we can both agree that my vision sounds more likely to come true.”

“Why? Because you were _smiling_ in mine?”

“Have you ever _seen_ me smile?”

Rey had to admit, he made a valid point. “If I can get you to smile, will you start considering that the vision I was shown might be the one that’s true?”

"Sure,” Kylo said, and Rey frowned at the sarcasm in his voice. “I haven’t smiled since I was about twelve, so, sure- Let’s see how you do.”

“Oh, come on,” Rey blanched. “You can't expect me to believe you’ve _never_ smiled in all that time. There has to be _something_ that makes you happy?”

Looking at him now, he almost seemed tired. Understandable really, given the day they’ve had, and she’s more than certain he didn’t get a good night’s rest the night before. But the mischievous glint he had seen twinkling in his eyes at her challenge had quickly vanished, leaving behind this blank, fatigued sheen. 

“The thought of all this being over,” Kylo broke the silence that enveloped them. “No more war. No more death. No one questioning me, fighting against me at every turn, doubting that I know what’s best for them. Just… Some semblance of peace.”

“Isn’t ‘fighting for peace’ a bit… counter-active?” Rey asked.

“It’s a necessity. War is required to show power. Power show’s who’s in control.” Kylo said.

“I wouldn’t call control, ‘peace’.”

“Then it’s as close as we can get,” Kylo stressed, the lines of exhaustion in his face crinkling into one’s of frustration. “Fear is a necessity to lead. If the people fear you, they won’t think to rise against you. Prevents future wars…”

“If that tactic worked, don’t you think the first war ever fought would have ended the rest? Fear doesn’t work. Fear is what _leads_ to wars. You don’t think the Resistance is scared of you? Of your troopers? You don’t think your mother is terrified at the prospect of coming face to face with the man her son has become?” Rey continued to ask, more than likely pushing things too far.

“My mother has nothing-,”

“They’re fighting you _because_ they fear you,” Rey continued. “They fear your power, of what you can do to their people. What you’ve _already_ done. So long as there are people with your mentality? This war will never end. Don’t you get it? This _‘war’_ isn't singular! You can give them different names, but they’re all the same. Power leads to corruption. Corruption leads to an uprising, a change of power. Then it’s just… rinse and repeat.”

“You’re naïve…” Kylo shook his head, a familiar look of disappointment etched across his face. “You’ve lived your life sheltered from all of this. I grew up in the house of a politician. I was trained beside Luke for _years._ I trained under _Snoke_ for many years more. I’ve seen more of this Galaxy than you could even dream. I’ve seen the reality of it. You chanced across a resistance droid and received, what, two days of training from my Uncle, and then was foolish enough to come chasing after me? You have no idea, Rey…”

“Well, sorry for still having some hope left for the people of this Galaxy,” Rey snapped at him. “How awful of me to not want to rule over them with an iron fist.”

“Not awful,” Kylo said softly. “Like I said: Naïve…”

Rey couldn’t listen to this anymore. She copied his earlier action and shook her head sadly at him, the energy she thought she had for this argument seemingly being sucked away at his words. She turned her back to him before she could see his reaction, laying down on her side and wincing at the uncomfortable ground that dug into her ribs. Though she couldn’t see him, she could hear his frustrated sigh clearly, even over the crackling fire that separated them. The rustling of clothes against rock could only mean Kylo was trying to find a comfortable position to lie down in, which she could already tell him didn’t exist.

He was an incredibly frustrating man. It made her wonder why she tried so hard with him. _‘You know why,’_ that infuriating voice in her head whispered. ‘ _Don’t pretend you don’t…’_ She would usually just ignore those voices when they popped up, but that was becoming increasingly difficult to do the longer she spent time with him. That was a dangerous game to play when she knows-or more accurately _doesn’t know-_ the amount of time they could be spending together in the future. He had already promised to help her make her own saber. How long could that take? And what if he doesn’t leave after that? Even worse, what if she doesn’t _want_ him to leave? No, no that wasn’t the worst. What if the voices start making sense?

Even with her back turned to him, Kylo remained rooted in her thoughts. All she wanted was to stop _thinking_ about him for the night, even just for a few minutes, and let the blissful state of sleep wash over her. But as she tightens his cloak around her body, burrowing her nose into the soft cloth and enveloping herself in his scent -a surprisingly homely mixture of soap and a smell she can only describe as ‘earthy’- she resigns herself to a night filled with thoughts of both Kylo Ren and Ben Solo.

\- - -

When she awakens, the discomfort in her side has doubled, which is to be expected from sleeping on the ground all night. The fire has been reduced to nothing more than a smoldering pile of ashes, which she’s thankful for as, even in these early morning hours, the humid heat already has her sweating -which was partly the reason why she had woken up. The other part being the miraculous fact that the sky beyond the cave was no longer the stormy mess of clouds it had been when they had fallen asleep.

The cape around Rey’s shoulders floated down to the ground as she jumped to her feet, letting out a small groan as she stretches her cramped muscles. Turning to her side, she’s met with a sight no less unsettling the first time she had seen it: Kylo Ren sleeping. She had always thought he would sleep like a solider, flat out on his back with his arms by his side. Instead, he was facing the wall partly curled in on himself, using his left arm as a pillow whilst the other was tucked into his chest. It was oddly… innocent. Like how you would expect a child to sleep.

Rey tip-toed quietly over to his side, pointless since she was going over to wake him up. “Ben,” She whispered his name, leaning down by his side and giving his shoulder a light shake. “Ben, the storm’s let up, we should-,”

Kylo whipped himself around faster then she could blink, his face set in both a mixture of blind panic and wildness. He had a vice-like grip around her hand that had once been on his shoulder, his other hand holding his ignited saber mere inches from her face. His eyes widened in recognition and realization, the harsh lines on his face disappearing and extinguishing his saber quicker than Rey’s mind could even piece together what had just happened.

“I’m sorry-,” Are the first words out of his mouth, his eyes darting between Rey’s frazzled expression and the saber still in his hands. “I just – I don’t usually -- Kriff, Rey! You shouldn’t sneak up on me like that!”

“I was just trying to wake you up,” Rey slowly backed away from him, pushing down on her knees and up into a stand. “Suppose it makes us even for yesterday morning.”

“I didn’t touch you, though. How else would I react to someone touching me while I’m vulnerable _and_ with my back turned?”

Rey snorted, bending down and snatching his cloak off the ground from where it had fallen. “Oh yeah, you’re right, you were only watching me sleep. That’s completely normal.” She tossed his cloak back at him, partly disappointed he snagged it out of the air before it could hit him in the face.

“I wasn’t watching you sleep,” Kylo grumbled, glaring at her from the corner of his eye whilst he attached his cloak back onto his armor. “I was about to-,”

“-Wake me up from my nightmares, yeah, you said.”

Kylo grunted, brushing the imaginary dust off his cloak before grabbing his leather gloves off the ground next to him. “Well, for future occurrences, try not to touch me when you’re waking me up. I’d rather not have my instinctual reactions end up with me slicing you in half.”

“Should I be expecting to wake you up a lot in the future?”

Kylo paused, his hand frozen holding the base of his glove at his wrist, glancing up at her. “You’re the one that said you were trying to keep me in your life. You tell me.” Rey’s confident smirk quickly turned into a scowl. Damn him… How did he always win these?

Kylo snapped his last glove into place, scooping up his helmet from the ground as he stood up. He made his way over to what remained of their fire, kicking at the ashes until the last few remaining embers were extinguished. He raised a hand to his forehead, shielding his eyes as he squinted out at the bright outside of the cave.

“Sky looks clear. Doubt we’ll be running into any more storms,” Rey checked the holster by her side, making sure Han’s blaster was still secure. She didn’t want to be losing the last weapon she had.

“The storm yesterday moved in quickly,” Kylo replied, lifting his mask up and securing it to his face. “We should get moving while the skies are clear.”

In one of those rare occasions, Rey agreed with him. She flipped open the top of her satchel, moving aside the shattered remains of her staff until she caught sight of the scrunched-up cloth at the bottom. She carefully withdrew it, opening it delicately until she was staring down at the small golden crystal they had come all the way out here for. It seemed ridiculous that this tiny piece of glinting crystal was one day going to generate a beam of energy so hot that it could cut through rock like… Well, like a person.

The climb down the cliff was no less terrifying than the climb up, but at least this time their hands weren’t slipping from the rain-soaked rocks and worrying about whether they would be hit by a bolt of lightning every few seconds. Still, it was a relief when she felt her feet land on solid ground, and her hands were no longer cramped up from holding onto jagged pieces of the cliffside.

“Do you really think another storm could come along?” Rey rubbed away the little pebbles embedded in her hands as they walked.

“Hopefully not. I imagine we’ll be back at my ship before then.”

“I feel bad for your soldiers. Patrolling around this place during a storm can’t be much fun.”

Kylo shrugged his shoulders, pushing away some irritating branches that whipped across his mask. “That’s what they’re trained for. They can perform their duties in any conditions and react appropriately to whatever obstacles they might come across.”

“Doesn’t make it any less difficult.”

“No. But it’s their job. It’s what they’re here to do.”

“Yeah, I’m sure they ‘signed up’ to be placed on a planet with unpredictable storms and giant lizard-like creatures, and who else knows what.” Rey was struggling to keep up with his fast pace, ducking underneath the branches and other shrubbery that rebounded off him as he pushed through the dense vegetation

“None of my soldiers ‘sign up’ for anything-”

“Yeah, that’s the problem!” Rey grabbed at Kylo’s arm to get him to stop which, judging by the resistance she felt, was something he wasn’t too eager to do. He slowly turned to face her, and she had her mouth open to argue when a realization struck her. She began to look around their surroundings, frowning at the unfamiliar scenery.

“ _What?”_ Kylo snapped in frustration, wondering what she had stopped him for now.

“Are we even heading in the right direction?” Rey heard him scoff underneath his helmet.

“Of course we are.” Kylo sounded genuinely upset that she doubted his navigational skills.

“Then why haven’t we come across the path we made to get here?”

“What ‘path?’ All I did was clear away some leaves. The storm would have covered up our tracks anyway.” Kylo turned away, commencing his bulldozing through the jungle.

“Okay, but… Shouldn’t we have come across the corpse of that creature we killed yesterday?”

Kylo groaned, stopping in his tracks once again, though this time he didn’t bother to turn around. “The storm disoriented me last night, so we ended up drifting off course. The cave we took shelter in was nowhere near the path we took yesterday.”

“Wait, if you became disoriented, how do you know where we’re going?”

Kylo groaned again, but Rey would say this one was a borderline growl. “You don’t think I took the time to re-orient myself this morning before we set out?”

“We’re in a jungle,” Rey said matter-of-factly. “Everything looks the same! For all you know, we could be heading in the complete opposite direction to your ship.”

“ _No,_ we’re not.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I _do.”_

 _“_ That’s not an answer.”

“I don’t care if it’s-!”

“ _STOP RIGHT THERE!”_ Figures dressed in white armor burst out from beyond the treeline, their rifles trained on them. All six of the troopers held a shooting stance, the black of their visors lined up with their sights, the dots of their reticle’s resting atop Kylo and Rey’s head.

Rey’s hand instinctively goes for the blaster attached to her hip. One of the trooper’s notice and they jolt forward in their stance, their finger twitching closer to the trigger. “ _DON’T MOVE!”_ A fuzzy female voice emits from the helmet. Rey releases her grip on the weapon but keeps her hand hovering just over it, ready for when the inevitable occurs.

“DROP YOUR WEAPONS!” Another commands, jabbing his rifle in the air at her. The trooper's head suddenly jolts backward, his rifle lowering somewhat as his focus changed to the black-cloaked figure stood next to Rey. “Supreme Leader? Sir, that girl, isn’t she…”

“What do we do?” Rey whispered lowly up to Kylo, glancing up to him from the corner of her eye. He still had the mask on, so she can’t see the way he’s reacting to being caught by his own troopers. There was no way of him getting out of this one. Stood side by side with the very girl he was supposed to be hunting down, the last of the Jedi religion. There was no way for them to misconstrue the situation. They had more than likely heard their argument- it was probably what led them here in the first place. They knew it wasn’t a case of him running into her, and that he was about to take her out once and for all. No, they knew what was happening.

They knew. Rey knew. Kylo knew. Which could only mean one thing; He was going to have to kill his own soldiers.

“ _TRAITOR!”_ One of the trooper’s yell, raising his rifle back up to shoot. Before he can even press down on the trigger, Kylo had crushed the man’s windpipe. The other’s try to react to the death of their brother-in-arms, but there’s no chance for them. Kylo flicks another away into the depths of the jungle the same time Rey pulls out her blaster, firing a blast that lands directly over one of the troopers left breastplate. The trooper drops lifelessly, and there’s a sickening crack as the trooper Kylo had thrown slams into a tree.

Rey dives for cover, flattening herself against a trunk as numerous blaster bolts go flying past, watching as they collide with the trees and sending shards of burnt wood flying. Kylo detaches his saber from his belt, igniting its blades with one hand whilst the other reaches out for another trooper, pulling the flailing woman towards him with the Force. He slices easily through the thick armor, using his free hand to deflect a bolt shot towards Rey by one of the few remaining troopers. The last two storm troopers wisely begin to back away, firing a few random shots that have no hope of hitting their target. Rey leans out of cover and shoots a blast that hit’s one of the retreating soldiers in the space between the two plates of armor on their back. They drop to the floor, the last remaining trooper stumbling over their corpse and hitting the ground with a pained grunt.

The trooper scrambles onto his hands and knees, turning to see Kylo Ren towering over him, lightsaber held casually by his side. He collapses back onto his backside, splaying his hands out in front of him with trembling arms. “W-W-Wait, Wait!” He spluttered out, one hand still held out in front of him, the other used to help him scoot backward. Kylo continues forward, each slow step bringing him closer and closer to the trooper’s demise. “Please, I don’t wanna die! _Please!”_

Rey pants heavily as she jogs over to his side, blaster held in the air as she searches all that she can see for any remaining trooper’s. Her jog slows as her eyes land on the begging trooper in front of her, turning her gaze from him to the hissing saber held in Kylo’s hand, then to the emotionless mask that stared down at the trembling man.

“I-I won’t tell anyone!” The trooper bargains, looking almost comical as the helmet on his head whips between Kylo and Rey. “No one will ever hear about it, I swear!”

Rey can’t see under Kylo’s mask. She can’t see the thoughts that are whirling in his head. She doesn’t know about the fear coursing through him right now. Because this should be an easy decision. The trooper knew the truth now. They couldn’t risk word of their allegiance spreading. It would be devastating, not only for him but for Rey. The First Order would never accept him, he’d lose his army. And Rey? As much as he hated to admit it, there was nothing more she cared about than the members of Resistance. As she had once told him; they were her family. But if they were to find out she had willingly partnered with him? A Jedi in training, falling into an unbalanced friendship with the leader of the Knights of Ren? Snoke’s apprentice, the supreme leader of the First Order- the very faction they’re fighting to end? She would lose them all. Her life would be at risk.

Kylo couldn’t let that happen.

Not too long ago, the thought of taking this trooper's life wouldn’t have bothered him in the slightest. If it was something that needed to be done, it justified the actions. Now, staring down into the blank helmet of the man in front of him, he could almost see the fearful eyes past the visor. Now, he wondered how young the quivering voice underneath the helmet was. He wondered if he had just slaughtered that trooper’s closest friends. He thought of the lifetime of memories this man had, just as he did, leading to this moment. And with one strike of his saber, that was all about to be taken away from him.

He didn’t like these thoughts. He could hear Snoke’s raspy voice in his head, calling him weak, calling him childish. ‘ _You have too much of your father’s heart, young Solo…’_ That didn’t nothing to stop them. Just like Rey, they had found their way into his mind and refused to let go.

This _had_ to be done. But he didn’t _want_ to.

“For what its worth…” Kylo flipped the saber around in his hand, holding it poised over the trooper’s head with the tip facing down. “I am sorry.”

“No, WAIT-!”

The saber pierced through the trooper’s chest, embedding itself partly into the dirt below. The trooper's body jolted at the agonizing pain, raising a hand up in an attempt to dislodge the saber from his torso. His hand shook mid-air before dropping down, his head collapsing back into the ground with a hollow-sounding ‘thud’. Kylo pulled his saber away, revealing the melted armor around the singed hole of flesh. For a moment he could only stare at the blackened dirt through the hole in this man’s body, the crackling of his saber nothing more than buzzing background noise.

Rey steps closer to him, her hand moments away from resting on his shoulder when she remembered his words from before. She let her hand drop back down to her side, concern rising in her at the sight of Kylo staring down at the corpse he had just made.

“Ben?” She tries calling his name. She gets no response from him, not even a single movement. She disregards his words, gingerly stepping closer and wrapping her fingers around the hand that still held his saber. The muscles in her arms were tense, ready to bring his arm to a stop if he tried to take a swing. Instead, she felt the tendons under his skin move as his thumb twitched, extinguished the saber. She felt his other hand envelop itself around hers and give it a small squeeze. ‘ _I’m okay’,_ it seemed to say. She moved her hand from his wrist, placing it on his shoulder. Another squeeze. ‘ _We had no choice.’_

It took a while longer before his head lifted, his shoulders no longer hunched from staring down at the trooper’s body. He still wouldn’t, or maybe couldn’t, look at her. He was staring blankly ahead into the seemingly unending wilderness, moving mostly on autopilot as he placed his saber back onto his belt.

“We should go,” Kylo begins walking before she can even respond. Rey doesn’t really mind. It’s not like there’s anything she could even say right now. It was unnerving to see him like this, but she knew deep down that whatever state of mind he was in right now was a good thing. She had never seen him this… thrown off before. Not since he had killed his own father.

Rey knew that the path she was on wasn’t going to be one of complete peace. She would have to kill to defend herself, and those she cared about. There weren’t many people she knew, so the list was quite short. But there was a reason she was feeling as disorientated as Kylo was right now. Because she had killed those troopers without a second thought. Because it proved something she had never thought possible:

Kylo Ren was now on that list.


	7. Close Calls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo only made it a few steps towards the exit of the AT-AT before he heard Rey speak again. “I think he would be more than ‘a little stressed’ if he found out you were leaving to help a Jedi!”
> 
> It’s enough for him to hesitate, coming to a standstill as he thinks over her words. “Yes, well…” He clears his throat, turning to face Rey and nearly jumping when he sees that she too had stood up and made her way over to him to walk him out. “I should probably get back before he gathers evidence to accuse me of that.”
> 
> Rey smiles softly up at him, and the upwards twitch at the corner of his lips has something akin to hope brewing in her chest. It wasn’t the toothy smile she wanted to see, but it was so much better than the emotionless mask he usually wore – or the occasional frown whenever he seemed to speak. She wants to see more of it, and maybe that’s why she does what she does next.

Arriving at Kylo’s ship should have been a relief. Sure, they had arrived in relative safety, and with no clouds in the sky, they were guaranteed a successful take-off and exit from this horrendous planet. But sat inside this oddly stuffy feeling ship, Rey was stuck in that uncomfortable situation where you have no clue what to say.

Ben was in distress, there was no doubt about that. He had killed more innocent people than his men for a lot less, so while him being so distraught over his actions now wasn’t a regular occurrence, she had been expecting for him to shake it off once some time had passed. Instead, the look in his eyes once he had pulled his helmet off his head was one Rey could only describe as ‘the thousand-yard stare.’ Looking but not seeing, moving on autopilot as he got them through takeoff, and putting the ship into… well, into autopilot.

Rey glanced sideways at him from her seated position. She hoped there was at least some reflections and insights going through his mind as he stared blankly out to the stars that whipped past them. Though, at the same time, she was worried he was going to get _too_ lost in his thoughts. Yes, it was important for him to see the Galaxy in more than just black and white, good and bad, right and wrong. That while there may be reasons for the lives they take, it doesn’t always justify it. But if you let yourself get sucked down into that reasoning, it becomes harder to do what, sometimes, you have to do for the sake of yourself, and the ones you love.

Does she want him to murder billions of innocent civilians to reach his goal? No, of course she doesn’t. But if a situation occurs where his life is in danger from another? He needs his survival instincts -his desire to stay alive- to take control of his mind. _Not_ the question of whether what he was about to do is right.

That’s how you get yourself killed.

“Ben?” Kylo didn’t respond to his name. Rey worried over whether it was because he didn’t hear her or if he was choosing not to. “Are you okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Kylo’s voice came out as more of a rumble, his eyes fixated on the windshield.

Rey sighed quietly to herself in disappointment, turning back around to stare out of the windshield herself. Of course, this is how he would react. Kylo didn’t want help, whether it be physical or mental. He was always adamant he could work out anything by himself; why would this time be any different?

Maybe because something about him feels different. Like a piece of a puzzle locked into place in his mind, and for the first time he can look at the full picture, can begin to make sense of the confusing mess it had once been. Still, she wouldn’t push him on it. That wouldn’t lead to anything good, only another argument that would put a strain on their fragile friendship, if you can even call it that.

“No,” Kylo said the word so quietly that Rey wondered if she had really heard it. She turned back around to face him, seeing him leaning forward with his elbows on his thighs, resting his chin atop his connected fists, still staring out at the Galaxy in front of them. “No. I’m not okay.”

Rey’s entire body froze. She had wanted this conversation, and now they were having it, she didn’t know what to say to him. _Should_ she even talk? Does she just listen? Perhaps encourage him to continue speaking, to say how he’s truly feeling? Or will that scare him off? Surely he wouldn’t backtrack on his previous statement unless he _wanted_ to talk to her.

“I know,” Rey settles on. “And I get the feeling that scares you.”

“It confuses me,” Kylo corrected her. “It used to be that I was one person, being pulled to two different sides. Now it feels like I’ve split in two, and they’re arguing with each other _all the time._ I worked so hard to become who I thought I should be, and now this? I don’t know who I am anymore, Rey.”

“That’s okay,” Rey tried to reassure Kylo, but she gets a confused frown in return.

“How is it okay?” Kylo straightens his back, eyebrows furrowing deeper as he speaks. “I’m lost. I feel like I’m masquerading as someone I aspire to be, but there’s another person trying to come to the surface, and I _hate_ that person. But they’re so _… overpowering._ ”

“Maybe because the person you’re trying to be isn’t actually someone you _want_ to be.”

Kylo scoffed at her words, shaking his head in disbelief. “Or maybe it is,” Rey shrugged, and Kylo’s head whipped around to face her. He hadn’t been expecting for her to say something like that, something that encouraged her to be… well, to be Kylo Ren. “Maybe you _want_ to be Kylo Ren. Maybe you _want_ to make your grandfather proud, to become the feared apprentice he once was. Maybe that’s what you _want,_ but maybe that’s not who you _are._ It’s not who you’re _meant_ to be.”

“Then why does the dark call to me?” Kylo said the question in a way that made Rey wonder whether he was directing it at her, or at himself. “Why did I take so naturally to it? Why did I thrive under Snoke’s teaching?”

Rey didn’t really know how to answer his question. He was the one more informed about the Force, after all. She barely had any training on it, most of what she’s able to do based more on an instinct within her than calling on the limited training she had received from Master Luke.

“Because it’s easier to fall to the dark than it is to stay in the light. I mostly try to ignore that little voice inside me that asks: ‘Why? Why do we bother to stay in the light? Why limit our abilities, struggle to use them in the way of the light, when it feels so much easier, so much more natural to give in to my emotions? To let them guide my powers’.”

“ _Exactly_!” Kylo stressed. “I… I _know_ I’m more powerful in the dark. I’m not willing to give that up. Without my power… Who am I? Without The First Order, without my Knights… I’ll be nothing.”

“You’ll be who you’re supposed to be. You’ll be the man that changes the Galaxy for the better. You’ll be the man who realizes he’s worth more than he’s allegiance to the dark.”

“I can’t…” Kylo’s voice was harsh and ragged, and it pained Rey to hear. “I can’t turn my back on it all. This is who I’m supposed to be.” Kylo averted his gaze, defeated eyes pinned to the console of his ship.

“If it’s who you’re supposed to be, why is the over voice inside you so loud?” Rey asked him. Kylo’s eyes briefly flickered up to her, but quickly dropped back to the console in front of him. “You say you thrived under Snoke’s teachings, but that’s only because he _wanted_ you to. You did well under Luke, too. And I have no doubt you would have been _extraordinary_ if you hadn’t had Snoke digging into your mind.”

“It never felt right. With my Uncle, following the path of the Jedi.”

“It didn’t for me, either.” Rey admitted to him. “It still doesn’t. And now? There are no more Jedi. I’ll _never_ become a true Jedi, not in the Jedi Order, not the way they used to be. But why should I be limited to that? Why can’t I decide the type of Jedi I want to be? Why can’t _you?”_

Kylo’s face twisted in his confusion. “What are you saying?”

“I don’t think I could ever follow the rules of being a Jedi. I… I know I will never be able to fully push away the call to the dark. It exists within me for a reason. There will be times where I give in, when I let my emotions get the best of me -let those emotions guide me in the Force. But surely that’s better than forcing myself to stay only in the Light? If I push myself to stay that way, then I’ll inevitably burn myself out and find myself falling to the dark. And I know that’s what _you_ want, but that isn’t for me. I can say that with confidence. I’ll never turn fully to the dark, but I’ll never stay only in the light.”

“Then how come when I say the same to you, with the roles reversed, you can’t accept it?” Kylo’s voice had a twinge of frustration to it.

“Because we wouldn’t be having this conversation if you were sure you belonged to the Dark, would we?”

Kylo’s face scrunched up in a way that seemed like he was _trying_ to look disgusted by what Rey was suggesting. But in the time they’ve spent together, Rey has learned to read between the lines. She’s starting to get a better read on how he’s really feeling. And Kylo? He can say otherwise, but he looks _scared_. And she can’t blame him. She knows of the internal battle he’s having since she has to live with it herself every day. To have one day had that battle end, to think he’s finally found himself, and now that certainty has been ripped away from him.

Honestly, she’s surprised - and quite relieved - that he isn’t blaming her for all of this. She’s bared witness to the subtle changes within him ever since the first time this bizarre bond of theirs connected them. It seemed unbelievable at first that Kylo Ren could ever change, but the evidence was right in front of her. It was slow, and he was fighting himself every step of the way, but it was happening. She would like to think this would have happened to him even if they had never met, but it can’t be a coincidence that all of this began the day they crossed paths... She had planted doubt into his mind, and so it would be easy for him to place the blame on her for it all but he wasn’t. He was struggling, and the fact that it hurt Rey to see him in this type of pain was worrying in ways she didn’t want to think about.

But this hurt? It seems necessary. Something he has to fight through, something they _both_ have to fight through. Because this conversation isn’t one that would have existed only a few months ago. Right now, looking at the distress in his eyes, she can almost see _him._ And deep down she knows, she _knows_ the other person inside of him? It has to be Ben, clawing his way to the surface. Kylo was sure he had killed Ben Solo, that by murdering his father he had quieted him for good. Rey didn’t believe that for a second. He was always there, whether Kylo liked it not. And it seemed that, right now, he certainly did not.

If what Kylo said was true, that the other person is over-powering? Maybe they stand a chance. One day, she might get to see her vision be realized.

And that is a day she can’t wait to see.

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” Rey told him. “I can only offer you the advice I have.”

“And what’s that?” Kylo’s voice had a hint of sarcasm to it, but the way his eyes were locked on hers could only mean he genuinely wanted to hear her advice.

“Instead of ignoring the other voice inside you? Just… hear him out. See what he has to say. He is you, after all. Surely the person who knows what’s best for you can only be yourself?

* * *

For the first time in what feels like her entire life, the sight of Jakku doesn’t make her stomach twist uncomfortably. That’s not to say she feels _comfortable_ returning here, that would be impossible; Most of the people that lived on his planet didn’t do so by their own choice, and those that managed to live somewhat comfortably were only able to do so by taking advantage of the people that could barely scrape by.

If Rey were to try and name the feeling the sandy stretch of land she saw beyond Kylo’s windshield invoked in her, it would be something akin to excitement. You couldn’t really blame her, not when she knows what lies ahead. Building her _own_ lightsaber. While she knew the hard work probably wasn’t over yet, at least she could do it in an environment she knew. Less chance of encountering surprise patrols, creatures she hasn’t seen before and, best of all, _no storms._

If she was being honest with herself, there’s perhaps a little anxiety too; some uncertainty in her abilities and, even stranger, a sense of comfort in knowing Kylo will be with her the whole time. She tells herself it’s because she’s lived most of her life alone and likes the company, but deep down she knows there’s more to it than that. But thinking that way leads down a dangerous and confusing road, so Rey pushes those thoughts away.

_‘For now…’_ Rey pushes that thought away, too.

Kylo lands his ship a small distance away from Rey’s old AT-AT shelter. Not too far away that the trek there would be exhausting, but enough so that it reduced the chance of someone coming across both her previous home and his shuttle and putting two and two together.

“Are you sure you want to help me do this?” Rey walked in tandem with Kylo as they departed his ship, their steps matching as they tread across the hot, sinking sand. Kylo didn’t bother with his mask this time. If they were going to get caught, people would likely recognize him with or without his mask. Besides, it was infinitely more comfortable not to wear it, especially in hotter climates such as this one.

“I said I would.” Kylo’s heavier weight made him sink even further down into the sand than Rey, scowling down at his feet as he battled to move through the sand. “Besides, you have no clue on how to make a saber yourself. If I didn’t help you, it wouldn’t happen.”

Rey could already feel some beads of sweat dripping down the back her neck, soaking the collar of her shirt. Exiting from the cool interior of the ship into the dry heat of Jakku’s atmosphere was really messing with her body’s internal temperature gauge. “I don’t know how to do it right _now_ , but there are the books Master Luke left behind, remember? There _must_ be something in there about constructing a lightsaber.”

“You haven’t read them yet?” Kylo turned his face briefly to face her, though his eyes quickly returned to the ground to track where his next step was going to be.

“I’ve… I’ve _tried_.”

“They’re not exactly the most enthralling of reading material. Then again, I only got a few minutes with the one I managed to get my hands on. I ‘ _wasn’t ready to read it yet’_ , according to my Uncle.”

The AT-AT was coming into sight now, waves of heat bouncing off the shimmering silver metal of its sides. Unconsciously, they both picked up their pace, racing towards the limited cooling the shade of the AT-At would provide. “Well…” Rey huffed in the unpleasant heat. “I think it’s obvious that _I’m_ not ready to read them yet. I couldn’t make much sense of them. It all became a bit too frustrating after a while, so I’ve mostly been avoiding them.”

A look of what could almost be described as amusement, and a little bit of exasperation, crossed Kylo’s face, pausing outside the entrance to her AT-AT. “You’ve just proven I’m right then, haven’t you? If you can’t read the books – and that’s assuming there _is_ something about building a saber in them – how else will you get information on how to do it?”

Rey held open the makeshift door to her old home for Kylo, directing a narrow-eyed look at him. “I would have read them _eventually._ I needed more training before tackling them.”

“Training from _who?_ You’re alone-,”

“Oh, so you’re just assuming I was alone?”

“I’m not _assuming_ , I _know_. You were speaking to FN-2187–,”

“ _Finn.”_ Rey corrected him sharply, nearly dropping her hold on the door at the urge to give him a shove.

“Fine, you were speaking to _Finn_ over a Holocron, meaning you weren’t within the Resistance base anymore. Since you’re so keen to remind me that they’re ‘ _all you have left_ ’, there isn’t really anyone else you would go to. So, you were alone.”

The silence after his words was all the acknowledgment Kylo needed to know he had guessed correctly- _and_ had won yet another argument. “Just get inside, would you?” If Rey had to hold this door open for a minute longer, she was going to have a nasty burn across her palm.

Kylo ducked through the small door, and Rey wanted to smack that subtle hint of a smirk off his face as he disappeared inside. That didn’t count as a _real_ smile. It just meant he was struggling to hide his satisfaction at having pissed her off, and _that’s_ the kind of smile she sees on Kylo Ren’s face every damn day.

The inside of the AT-AT didn’t provide much relief from the unrelenting heat, but it at least provided cover from the scorching sun. Kylo all but collapsed down into what could barely pass as a couch - more a few hole-ridden pillows and blankets thrown over some wooden crates. He pulled his leather gloves off, wiping his sweaty hands across his clothes to try and dry them. Rey made a beeline for the old water reserves she has tucked away in the coolest corner of her makeshift home, pouring it out into two canteens she keeps nearby. The water would probably be warm, but she was too thirsty to care about that.

She hands one of the canteens over to Kylo, who can barely give a quick ‘thanks’ before he’s downing the contents of the canteen. Rey sips on her drink slower, partly because she’s more adapted to living in Jakku’s heat, but mostly because she wants to savor the limited amount of water she has available.

“So, what’s the plan now?” Rey jumps up on her bed opposite him, bringing the canteen up to her lips for another refreshing gulp.

Kylo twist’s the cap of the canteen back into place, placing it on the floor with a sigh that Rey doesn’t like the sound of. “For now, I have to return back to The First Order. I can’t be gone too long without raising suspicion.”

Rey didn’t want to question why Kylo leaving filled her with disappointment. “Aren’t you Supreme Leader now?”

Kylo raised an eyebrow at her. “So?”

“Doesn’t that mean you can do whatever you want to?”

Kylo snorts, picking the canteen back up as he stands from the ‘couch’. “Unfortunately, no. Leading an entire army does mean I have responsibilities, I’m afraid.” He walks the few steps it takes to reach Rey, holding out the canteen for her to take.

Rey takes the canteen from his hands, trying to ignore the zap of electricity she felt as Kylo’s hands brushed against her own. “Will you be gone long?” She hates the almost whining tone in her voice, but not as much as she hates the part sympathetic-part surprised look she gets from Kylo, his eyebrows nearly raising into his hairline at her question.

“I can’t imagine so.” He snatched his gloves back off from the couch. “-Unless some emergency comes up that requires my attention. I’m sure I can think up of some excuse to leave that won’t get me grief from my General’s.”

“I imagine they’re tearing their hair out at your continuous absence.”

Kylo lets out a huffy breath of laughter that _almost_ forces a smile out of him. Although his eyes have gone soft in a way that makes Rey’s stomach do somersaults whenever he looks at her. “Hux already tears his hair out at the smallest of grievances. I’m sure a little extra stress won’t hurt.”

Kylo only made it a few steps towards the exit of the AT-AT before he heard Rey speak again. “I think he would be more than ‘a little stressed’ if he found out you were leaving to help a Jedi!”

It’s enough for him to hesitate, coming to a standstill as he thinks over her words. “Yes, well…” He clears his throat, turning to face Rey and nearly jumping when he sees that she too had stood up and made her way over to him to walk him out. “I should probably get back before he gathers evidence to accuse me of that.”

Rey smiles softly up at him, and the upwards twitch at the corner of his lips has something akin to hope brewing in her chest. It wasn’t the toothy smile she _wanted_ to see, but it was so much better than the emotionless mask he usually wore – or the occasional frown whenever he seemed to speak. She wants to see more of it, and maybe that’s why she does what she does next.

“Stay safe.” She says tenderly, and before Kylo can say anything in response, she’s leaning forward on her tiptoes with one hand on his chest as she plants a kiss on his cheek.

Kylo’s head snaps back like she had slapped him instead, eyes wide as dinner plates and his throat working nervously as he struggles to come up with some semblance of intelligent speech. The stammering mess that comes out of his mouth could barely qualify as speech as he took a few cautious steps back from Rey. “U-uh – It – I – Y-you – I-I-I don’t-,” He trips over a few spare parts that were scattered on the ground as he stumbles backward. Rey moves to help him from falling, but he quickly straightens himself up before she can get anywhere near him. She raised a hand to her mouth to smother her laughter at the fierce red blush that spread to the tip of his ears, only feeling marginally okay about laughing at him seeing as he would often find humor in her embarrassments.

“Right, I…” Kylo cleared his throat to compose himself. “You stay safe, too. I’ll, uh… I’m sure we’ll be connected again while I’m away. I’ll give you updates to when I can return.”

Rey watches him walk out of her AT-AT at such a speed that she could almost say he was sprinting away. Truthfully, she doesn’t know why she had kissed him. She had never kissed someone before, even if it _was_ just a cheek kiss, but it had just felt natural to do. And if that was the kind of reaction she would get out of Kylo every time she did it, she was going to have to do it more. That was _definitely_ why she wanted to. Not for her own enjoyment.

She had the feeling that Kylo isn’t really used to physical affection. Really, that just gave her another reason for it.

* * *

His office felt stuffy and quiet. Too quiet. Which didn’t make sense, as there were background noises all around him: the ship’s engines running, officers and troopers marching past his door, speaking murmured conversations as they went by, but something just felt _missing_ , and he didn’t like it.

Kylo’s mask stared back at him from his desk. The ebony black seemed to melt into the unnaturally polished white plastic of the desk’s surface. He used to do this a lot – stare into his mask in the hopes he can see his grandfather’s staring back at him. He used to come close, before. Now it just feels like it’s mocking him. Like a child playing dress up as their favorite hero.

Kylo’s hand lifted to his head, resting on the scratchy bandage that covered it. It had all but dried now, but the feeling of a dirty, bloodstained, previously soaked gauze made his skin itch. Really, he should get to a medic bay and have one of the medical droids take a look at it. He didn’t think it needed any stitches – Rey had said so herself after the wound had been inflicted. Still, he at the very least would need to have some Bacta patches applied to speed up the healing process.

Kylo plucked his mask up from the desk as he stood, placing it atop his head as the pristine white doors to his office slid open. He kept at a steady pace as he made his way down the ships many corridors, barely giving a glance to the troopers he passed. Not that he could get much of a glance of them anyway. Mostly, all he saw was a flash of white as they hastily moved out of his way, pressed against the wall and hands raised in salute when he walked by.

That was until he entered the medical bay. He had been stood outside the door to the room, wondering why the doors were not functioning when they had suddenly slid open. One of his troopers was standing on the other side, apparently as startled to see him as he was to see them-

The sound of his saber; Hissing and crackling as it forced its way through immaculate white armor. The sight of bubbling plastic, the white armor turned black from heat. Of raw, scorched flesh. Blank, lifeless eyes staring at nothing from beyond their visors. The sound of panicked cries, of a young man pleading, _begging_ for the pitiful life he has.

“Apologies, Sir.” The voice of the trooper in front of him yanked Kylo back to the present. Like the rest, the trooper had flung themselves to the side, making way for Kylo to enter the room. Kylo stood frozen, any words he would usually say trapped in his throat. It felt like his tongue was stuck to the roof of his mouth. “I was just leaving.”

Kylo’s eyes were glued to the trooper, staring at the hand raised to his head in salute. Did this nameless individual truly feel any sense of duty as he saluted? Did the thought of giving up his life for the First Order - for _him_ \- fill this soldier with a sense of pride? Or was it something that kept them awake at night, wondering why they were risking their lives for another nameless man behind a mask.

Kylo Ren. It was all they ever know him as. They didn’t know Ben Solo. No one really did. Not even his mother. Not even _Rey_. He was the son of Han Solo and Leia Organa. He was the grandchild of Anakin Skywalker and Padamé Amidala. He was Luke Skywalker’s nephew padawan. He was Snoke’s apprentice. He was the leader of the Knights of Ren. He was Supreme Leader of The First Order. These were all things he thought mattered to _who_ he was. They were reasons for pride, reasons for shame, reasons for _everything_ he has ever done; reasons to justify his actions. What were they now? Nothing more than titles. A set of expectations.

But who was he _really?_ It used to anger him that people never knew the _real_ him, but how could he blame them when he himself can’t decide who he really is?

Kylo’s body seemed to come back to life before his brain did. His feet carried him into the room in a few strides. He didn’t have to look behind him to know the trooper had rushed out of the room the second he had entered it. Seeing the fear his soldiers had for him used to fill him with an odd sense of satisfaction. Or perhaps arrogance was a more accurate term. Now, as the doors closed shut behind him, it filled him with an all too familiar sense of loneliness.

Kylo took a seat atop the medical table. The second he had pulled his mask off his face, the medical droids were floating in front of him, poking at the bandages at his head in their frantic attempt to examine his injury. He batted their incessant pinchers away, untying the knot that held the bandage together and sliding it off his head. Kylo winced as the sticky dried blood pulled away along with the gauze, the stinging pain a likely sign that the wound had been reopened. He didn’t have much time to think about it before the droids were back, already busying themselves with cleaning the thin stream of blood that was oozing from his head.

He stared vacantly ahead as the droids did their work. Like it often did, he found his mind had begun to drift. And, like often, he found those thoughts began to drift to _her._ To the scavenger from Jakku that was aspiring to keep the Jedi alive. To the girl that always found a way to take the way he thought things were and show him how utterly wrong he was. It had been a strange journey of knowing her. He hadn’t thought all that much of her at first. She had been a source of information; a scavenger on a desolate planet that had happened upon a droid containing the one thing he wanted most.

‘ _Think you want.’_ Kylo brushed her voice out of his mind. He hadn’t thought much of her, as most probably did. And then… then she had resisted. No, she had _fought back_. She had forced her way into his mind, and it seemed like she didn’t even mean to do it. She just _had._ And if she could do such a thing without even _meaning_ to, who knows what she would be possible of with the right training? After that, it had been an odd mix of respect and perhaps even a bit of jealousy. He had trained _years_ to achieve the skills he has now. All that he had gone through, under both his Uncle’s and Snoke’s teachings, and somehow this girl had become his equal, and she didn’t even _know_ what the Force was? It was outrageous, it was unfair, and he _wanted_ her power. He wanted her by his side as an accomplice.

Where were they now? It felt off to describe it as friendship. It was tentative, and it was most definitely fragile, but it was there. He supposed the fact that the Force had connected them had helped to nurture their relationship into existence, but it had been strengthened in the time they spent together side by side. They had begun this plan of theirs as nothing more than reluctant acquaintances, but something had changed in the time they had spent together, an odd draw pulling him closer to her, and her to him - and that wasn’t just him being egotistical of himself. His people skills might not be as sharp as they once were, but he’s all too familiar with what disappointment looks like on a person’s face. And when he had told Rey he had to leave? _That_ had been disappointment.

Calling her his friend seemed a step too far in itself, but it was the only word he could find to describe what Rey was to him. That was what he had been repeating to himself on his ship after he had left, anyway. She was his _friend._ It didn’t matter that his heart pounded in his chest whenever she stepped close to him. It didn’t matter that it became harder to tear his eyes away from her every time his gaze passed by her. It didn’t matter the way her touch seemed to linger on his skin whenever she touched him. Rey was his _friend._

And repeating that over and over had been working just fine until she had gone and kissed him. It hadn’t even been on his mouth -just a quick kiss on his cheek. He hadn’t received a kiss like that since he was probably about _five_ , and it had been a touch of such comfort and _care_ that it had nearly been enough to make him fall right on his ass. It was more than he had received in many, _many_ years, but what had shaken him even more than the kiss was the realization that he wanted _more_.

He wanted more than friendship, and that in itself was something he _shouldn’t_ have with her. Rey was more than just the last Jedi. She was the last of the people’s hope. His uncle had been the last to be trained under the Jedi religion, and the only people alive whose knowledge of the Jedi religion his uncle had passed onto was himself, his knights, and Rey. There had been more… but he had slaughtered them all that night, alongside the padawans that had become his knights. Rey was the only way the Jedi Order would live on. If he were to kill her, it would be over. There would always be Force Users in the Galaxy, there was no stopping that, but if he were to kill Rey? There would be no one left alive to pass on the Jedi teachings. There would only be _him_. He could easily put out feelers to identify those sensitive with the Force. The question would be what he would do with those he found. One option was to kill them. After all, any other Force User was a potential challenge to his power, to his position as Supreme Leader. But if he were to take them in, to train them as he once was, just like his knights… His own army of powerful apprentices…Who would dare challenge him?

There were a few problems with all of this. With the first option… He didn’t know if he could do it anymore. If killing a single stormtrooper that was going to kill him had disturbed him as much as it did, what would happen if he were to face a _child_ that didn’t even really know what was happening to them? Something he himself had experienced in his life…

With the second option… He wasn’t sure he wanted to be a master. To teach people in the way Snoke had taught him… It would only lead to them hating him, as he did his previous master. They’d be likely to follow the path he had once taken, and he didn’t want his life to end with being sliced in half by one of his apprentices.

The biggest problem in all of this? They all relied on taking Rey’s life. And the fact of the matter was that was something he couldn’t do. There was no if’s or but’s about that. Kylo could not kill her, and that was that.

So that left him with assisting the last living Jedi, the one obstacle in the way of achieving a goal he’s had for _years,_ with creating a powerful weapon that she could one day wield against him. Which begged the question; what else was he willing to do for her? If he one day had to take on the entire First Order to protect her, would he do it? Would he slaughter his entire army, just to keep her alive? The fact that he had so willingly murdered his own troopers without much of a second _thought_ to protect her brought him closer to the answer to those questions.

How much longer will it take in her presence before the answer to those questions will be an unhesitating ‘yes?’

The door to the medic bay whooshed open, the sound of it pulling him out of his thoughts. His head snapped up, pushing away the medical droid that was applying the last of the Bacta patches to his forehead to see who has entered the room. The usual sense of annoyance filled him the second he caught sight of the ginger-haired general, that perpetual look of smug arrogance stuck on his face as he looked to Kylo.

“Were you injured, Supreme Leader?” Hux’s arms were folded behind his back, looking down at Kylo from over his nose.

“Nothing incapacitating.” Kylo replied, not bothering to brush away the droids as they returned to finish off the last of his treatment. “Is there a reason you’re here, General?”

“Just a smaller matter that requires your attention.” Hux’s gaze followed Kylo as he stood from his seat. Kylo grabbed his mask as he went, not bothering to gesture for Hux to follow when he knows he’ll follow anyway. Sure enough, he can hear the pitter-patter of the Generals footsteps as he chases after him.

“I’m very busy, Hux. This better be something worth my time.”

“I suppose it depends on what you deem worthy of your time, Supreme Leader-,” Hux flinched as Kylo came to a skidding halt, trying to move his head back without physically taking a step when Kylo looms over him.

“Is there something on your mind, General?” The hint of danger in Kylo’s voice was enough, taking a bit too much satisfaction in the way Hux’s gaze immediately dropped to the floor.

“Of course not, Sir.” Hux was able to keep his voice surprisingly steady. “I’m merely noting your recent… leave of absence.”

Kylo stared down at his General for a few more tense moments before turning away, having quickly become bored of terrorizing him. He resumed his walk back towards his office, pushing down his urge to sigh when he caught sight of a flash of red hair out of the corner of his eye. “Am I expected to inform you of my every movement?”

“Your responsibilities as Supreme Leader mean that is important for us to know where you are -both for your safety and if we require your oversight.” Hux was pushing his luck dangerously close here. “It’s not like it used to be, Ren - when you could just run off whenever you felt like it-,”

It was lucky for Hux that the door to Kylo’s office had just opened, otherwise, Kylo would have just thrown him into the door rather than through it. Kylo watched as Hux in all his immaculate uniform skid across his recently polished floor, stepping into his office and using the Force to flick the door closed when the automatic system didn’t move fast enough.

“If I didn’t know any better, it would seem like you were suggesting my job as Snoke’s apprentice was to run around the Galaxy doing whatever I felt like.” Kylo took a step closer to the General, who was already scrambling to his feet. “I suppose it's fortunate for you that I know you’re not so foolish as to suggest such a thing, Hux.”

“Not at all, Supreme Leader!” Hux’s arms had snapped to his side, head held high but still unable to look Kylo in the eye – or at least, where his eyes would be behind his mask – reverting back to some instinctual loyal soldier mode he would usually go into whenever Snoke reprimanded him. “I just thought it best to inform you about an issue on Jal.”

Kylo froze by his desk at the name of the planet they had recently left, thankful that his mask and the fact that his back was turned was hiding his reaction from Hux. “What kind of issue?”

“We received word from a unit deployed to one of the outposts. They were supposed to switch out with the current unit residing there. However, when they failed to turn up for shift change, the unit went out looking for them.”

Kylo lowered himself down into a rather uncomfortable plastic white chair by his equally white desk, folding his hands in front of him as he addressed the General. “And did they find them?”

“Indeed they did, Supreme Leader. All six of them had been killed.”

The thought of Hux somehow having figured out everything that had happened briefly crossed Kylo’s mind. As much as he longed to take his life - and one he’s certain he won’t feel guilty for – Hux wasn’t someone who could just ‘disappear’ without people noticing. He wasn’t just a nameless trooper - he was one of the highest Generals on board.

“That’s not all that surprising. We already know of Jal’s dangerous climate, and we _don’t_ know what kind of creatures may reside there, either.”

“My troopers aren’t just some regular citizens.” Hux spat the last word with such disgust that it reminded Kylo of why Snoke was so incessant on keeping Hux alive and in a position of power. “They receive the best training known in the Galaxy. An entire unit isn’t going to be wiped out by some torrential weather or erratic wildlife.”

“Then what _did_ kill your soldiers, Hux?”

“Well, Supreme Leader, that’s why I needed to bring this issue up with you.” Hux said in a way that had Kylo itching for his lightsaber. “You see, a few of the soldiers had clear signs of blaster wounds. That would be troubling enough as it is, as it would mean we have unidentified armed citizens on the surface.”

“Then send out more units. Double the patrols, make sure there is _no-one_ on that planet. Why are you coming to _me_ for this, General? I thought this was your job.”

“It is, but that’s not the main problem. You see, only a _few_ of them had blaster wounds. One was found to have blunt force trauma to the chest: broken ribs, a few broken vertebrae, ruptured organs; and the others? The others had wounds that could only have been inflicted from a lightsaber, Supreme Leader.”

Surely this was it. What else could Hux be hinting towards? This was the moment Hux had been waiting forever since Kylo had sliced their previous Supreme Leader in half. An opportunity to call Kylo out for the traitor he believed he was, but now… Now he had proof.

“We believe the unit that had been killed had been the one to send us a message the day prior.” Hux continued. “They informed us that they had received a surprise visitor to Jal. They said it was you, Supreme Leader.” Hux somehow managed to straighten himself even taller. “There’s only one person who could be responsible for their deaths.”

Kylo really didn’t have a choice anymore. Questions would be asked, and he would have to find a way to answer them. There had already been rumors of a spy within his men - it wouldn’t be too difficult to place the blame on Hux. No one would question him if he was to point the finger towards the General, and no one would say a thing if he were to kill him for it. Kylo keeps his eyes fixed on Hux, moving his arm down to his side as slow as he can until his hand is wrapped around the hilt of his saber, his thumb resting on the ignition switch.

“It must have been that scavenger girl.” Kylo nearly ignited his saber in his surprise at Hux’s guess. “We believe she may have gone to Jal in search of Kyber Crystals, Supreme Leader. She must have run across the patrol during her search.”

Of course… they didn’t know that his grandfather’s saber had been destroyed on the Supremacy. As far as The First Order was aware, Rey still had access to her own saber. “How did she discover the truth of Jal’s value? How did she even locate it?” Kylo encouraged Hux’s theory.

“We don’t know for sure, Sir, but…”

“But _what_?”

“We think she – or the resistance - may have found a way to track _you,_ Sir. Or at least, your ship. I’m sure you’ve heard the reports of information slipping into the enemies’ hands. It wouldn’t be too surprising if some information about the Kyber properties of Jal made its way to her.”

This wasn’t good. Looks like he has to give Hux credit after all - the man _does_ know what he’s doing. Now came the problem of what he was supposed to say. Obviously, he doesn’t want Hux digging any deeper into this. The further he digs, the more likely he is to find out the truth. The First Order is already doing all it can to find Rey – that he can’t prevent. If he ordered his army to stop searching for her, it would be as good as writing ‘ _Traitor'_ across his forehead for all of them to see.

But he can’t exactly _encourage_ Hux to increase their search efforts. If he genuinely believed that Rey had found a way to track him, they would most certainly want to limit his movement. Or, even worse, keep a close eye on him everywhere he goes. Both of those options would not only put himself at risk of being caught but would also risk Rey being found by The First Order.

“Don’t you think I would be able to tell if someone was tailing me? _Or_ my ship?”

“It’s a possibility we have to consider, Supreme Leader.”

Kylo stood from his chair, to which the muscle under Hux's eight eye twitches- his body caught between his sense of pride telling him to stand steady, and his self-preservation telling him to run before he’s thrown through a door again. “ _Thank you_ for the warning General, but I can take care of myself. If I spot anything unusual, I’ll be sure to notify the First Order immediately - as I’m sure you will do in return.”

Hux managed to stand straight, though his gaze was focused elsewhere over Kylo’s shoulder than risking making eye contact with him. “As you wish, Supreme Leader. We will continue to monitor the situation closely.”

“Good. Is there anything else you wish to inform me of, General?”

“No, Sir.” Hux replied.

“Then you’re dismissed.” Kylo stood still on the spot, watching as the General gave a stiff nod of his head – he supposed in some sign of respect, but it seemed to pain Hux to do so – before his General was rushing out of the room at a pace that suggested he wanted to leave the room as soon as possible, but not too fast that he didn’t appear to be scared of Kylo. Which, Kylo thought, was pointless. He could practically smell the fear and loathing emitting from Hux whenever he was in the same room.

Kylo didn’t move from his spot until he could no longer see a single strand of that glaringly bright red hair. Only then did he sink back down onto the medical bench, burying his face in his hands with a deep sigh. This was never how things were supposed to go. He had always assumed he would become supreme leader one day. He didn’t exactly know what species Snoke was, but every creature must someday reach the end of their lives. That was the purpose of Master and Apprentices, to ensure you have a worthy successor for when you’re gone; to make sure that such valuable knowledge is passed on. After all, if there’s no one left who knows that information, did it ever actually exist?

He didn’t feel thirty. Some days, he felt much, _much_ older. Those were usually the days when his muscles ached, and when he ran out of breath a lot quicker than he used to, or when he catches himself thinking ‘it didn’t use to be this difficult’. But the other days… the other days, he feels like that young twenty-something who watched a temple filled with those he once thought friends burn to the ground, the sounds of their pained screams ringing in his ears and the sight of his Uncle holding a lightsaber over his head etched into his eyes. He had had Snoke in his mind for so long, assuring him that what he was doing was right. Any time he doubted his actions, wondering if this was the man he was supposed to be, Snoke was right there. And he never questioned him. Because all the while he did those things, trained under Snoke and followed his orders, he was getting stronger. It felt _right._ After years of being told what _not_ to do, of who he _should_ be, having someone encourage him to accept the darkness that was seated within him, and _show_ him how to harness it instead of repressing it was refreshing.

Now, that voice was gone, cut away the very same time he ignited that saber into Snoke’s side. The only voice assuring him now is his own mind, and truth be told, it doesn’t seem too sure of itself. Especially whenever he has Rey right there, making him question every decision he’s ever made since… Well, he doesn’t even know how far back anymore. And what was he doing now? Risking all he has? That trooper was right. He _was_ a traitor. He had made himself one. And he had done all of it for her. He had given her everything he has, and he’s ready to give more.

Rey was right. He _was_ scared. Because he’s never been prepared to sacrifice so much for someone other than himself. He wasn’t entirely sure what that meant yet.

But he knew it was probably going to get him killed.

* * *

As much as scavenging around in fallen ships was draining, it was at least something to do. Rey hasn’t been able to do much these past few days other than try her best to salvage what she can from her fractured staff, cleaning up the shattered metal as best as she could. It was an idea that had struck her, unable to sleep on a particularly cold desert night; What if she used the parts of her staff in her saber? It felt disrespectful to simply toss the remains in a pile of spare parts. That weapon had served her for _years,_ nearly her whole life. Why shouldn’t it get a new lease on life?

Why shouldn’t it continue to protect her?

During particularly dull moments of the day, Rey liked to place the broken shards of her staff on the workbench that sat near her bed. She would carefully unwrap the tiny golden crystal from its cloth protection in her bag, place it by the remains of her staff and just… imagine what it will be like. Envision the complex wires and parts that will go into the pieces of metal in front of her. She can’t wait to ignite it for the first time, to see that brilliant golden glow and accompanying hum of pure energy… It would be _her_ saber. Not Master Skywalkers, or his fathers before him. _Hers_.

She still remembers the first time she had ignited the Skywalker Saber. That was a memory that would be forever etched into her mind, for both good and bad. She could recall the cold bite of the wind as it whipped around her, the chill of the snowflakes that landed on her skin, the aching in her chest as Kylo Ren looked at her in awe; an expression she had seen on his fathers face when he had witnessed her abilities as an engineer within the Falcon. All that seemed to melt away when she saw that flash of blue, felt the power of the weapon within her hands vibrating through her skin. It felt like it belonged. But it _didn’t._ That saber was never truly hers. So, while perhaps _that saber_ didn’t belong to her, she knew that she was _born_ to wield a saber. And very soon, she will get to hold such a weapon in her grasp again.

For that to happen though, there’s someone else that needs to be here. _That,_ she didn’t forget. She _couldn’t._ Because as much as she loathed to admit it, it was all that encompassed her mind. She _missed_ Kylo. She hadn’t understood that odd empty feeling in her chest as she watched his ship leave Jakku’s surface. It hadn’t been until later that night, rolling over onto her side and looking at the pile of blankets he had left behind from before that she was able to name that feeling: Longing. She was longing for Kylo to return. Longing for him to be by her side again.

She shouldn’t be feeling like this. She shouldn’t be _missing_ him. She should have let out a sigh of relief the second his ship had left the atmosphere, should have blissfully gotten on with her day; happy in the knowledge that she’s finally alone again. But now she knew she didn’t _like_ being alone. After spending nearly fourteen years of her life all alone, she was likely to cling onto someone who entered her life without the purpose of trading food or parts. She had moped about the AT-AT for the entire rest of the day, hating that that’s what she was doing but having no desire to stop herself from doing so.

Why? Why did it have to him? Out of all the people in the _Galaxy,_ the Force had chosen to connect her with a patricidal maniac who wanted to rule over everyone with an iron fist? And why had her traitorous brain decided it was apparently ‘A-Okay’ that he was in her life and was urging her to get closer to him every second she was in his presence? It was becoming exhausting trying to fight off the little devil on her shoulder, and she wasn’t sure how much longer until that little devil started to make sense.

“You look about as stressed as I am.”

It was odd how in such a short amount of time, the sound of his voice could go from her reaching for her blaster to a sense of comfort and rightness washing over her. Still, she hadn’t expected his return quite yet, so it still startled her somewhat. Especially since she didn’t feel the usual odd tingle at the back of her skull whenever the Force connected them.

“I tend to get even more stressed when people pop out of nowhere.” Rey stood from her workbench, pushing aside some of the clutter on the desk in somewhat of an attempt to make things look neater before turning to face him. “Why are _you_ stressed?”

“Well, you see, that tends to happen when you’re the leader of the biggest faction in the Galaxy.” Kylo was leaning against the entrance to her AT-AT, the door cracked open enough to let in a sliver of sunlight.

Rey snorted, leaning back against the workbench with her arms crossed. “That was your decision. You have no one to blame but yourself.”

“Except the other choice was to kill you.”

“So?”

Kylo raised an eyebrow at her. “So, that wasn’t going to happen.”

How did he do it? How did such words ignite that warmth in her chest? Someone saying they weren’t going to kill you should be standard really, so how did he manage to spin it into something else? “So, what exactly is so stressful about being a leader?”

“A lot.” Kylo answered in a grunt. “I was swarmed the second I stepped foot on base.”

“By who?” Rey asked.

“Too many names to count. People with problems, people with solutions that need to extensively explain said solutions to you so you can pick out the problems and fix them. Signing off on requests for resource trades, transportation, trooper training schedules…”

“Sounds boring.”

“It is.” Kylo nodded his head in agreement. “But it’s necessary if you want to keep things running smoothly.”

A realization popped into Rey’s head as she looked at Kylo, one she had had before but had all but forgotten about it. “You know, I’ve always wanted to ask – What do you do if we become connected while you’re in the room with other people? It’s not exactly like you can leave the room or anything. I mean, I assume you’re alone in some room wherever you are right now-,”

A look of questioning passed briefly across Kylo’s face, his brows scrunching into a furrow as she reached the end of her sentence. “Rey… you do realize I’m actually _here_ , right?”

This took Rey by surprise. She had been expecting to hear back from him _before_ he returned to Jakku – she never once considered that he might just… show up unannounced one day. She straightened her posture, nearly knocking a small engine compartment off the desk as the pushed her hands away. “Oh, you’re… uh… You are?”

“Sorry, I assumed you knew. I never exactly know when the Force may connect us – and so far, you’re the only one that’s been able to force a connection. I wasn’t just going to sit and wait around for us to be connected to tell you I’ll be returning.”

“No, no, of course not. I was just a little surprised is all.”

Kylo made a small hum type of noise in the back of his throat before walking over next to her, peering down at the parts she has laid out on the workbench. He picked up a few bits of spare metal, turning them around in his hands and studying them closely. His gaze then shifted to where she had left the shattered pieces of her staff, placing the metal in his hands back down and reaching a gloved hand out to softly touch the ruined weapon.

“Are you keeping these pieces for memory's sake?” He asked her, carefully picking up one of the pieces and turning his head to look at her as he spoke. 

“Kind of.” Rey replied. “Actually, what I wanted to do – if you think it’s possible that is – is to use them as part of my saber?”

Kylo nodded slowly, looking back down to her staff in his hand. He raised his other hand to his face, scratching at his chin just below the left corner of his mouth as he thought. “I think it could be done… It looks wide enough that you should be able to fit the internals in-,” Kylo spun the piece around, closing one eye as he peered into the hollow inside of the staff. “-Though you might have to thin down the metal a bit… just enough to make space but not too much that you weaken the chassis…”

Kylo dropped the piece down from his face before handing the split pieces to her. “Have you thought about designs for your saber? What pieces you’re going to use from the staff?”

“I have actually!” Rey’s voice brightened significantly at the prospect of sharing her design ideas with Kylo. “I thought that it would be good to-,”

“Hang on a second-,” Kylo’s voice was alight with amusement, holding out a hand to stop her spillage of ideas before it even really begins. “Give me a minute to grab something from my ship.” Kylo had partly turned as he said this, squeezing through the gap of her door and mostly disappearing from her sight – just a few flashes of black as his figure blotted out the light. He hadn’t left at a particularly fast pace, but just quick enough that is suggested to Rey that he was as excited about building a new lightsaber as she was.

By the time Rey had spread out her staff pieces where she wanted to – and cleaned up the desk a little more so that the pieces of scrap she wouldn’t be using weren’t in the way – Kylo was forcing his way through the door inside once again. It seemed he was having more difficulty this time – probably due to the big, bulky box he was carrying in his hands. It was a glossy black, its edges a gleaming silver metal which gave the box it’s shape and support. There was no writing on the box, at least none she could see anyway. Kylo was holding the box close to his chest in the kind of way you held something that was precious to you, keeping a careful eye on the ground in front of him to make sure he wouldn’t drop and potentially land on or damage the box in any way.

“That looks expensive.” Rey noted, every part of her itching to reach out and take the box from his hands.

“That’s because it is. Invaluably so.” Kylo answered, gingerly placing the box on the workbench once he reached it. Rey peered over his shoulder as he flicked up the two locks on either side of the box and leaning closer once he pushed the lid open. The inside of the box had been lined with an ebony black velvet cloth (of course it was black inside too…), which held a various variety of complicated-looking parts that Rey didn’t even know how to begin to name.

“In this box is all you’ll need to turn your staff from a few broken pieces of metal to the most powerful weapon a being can wield.” Kylo told her, craning his neck to look back at her, then flinching somewhat when he noticed how close she was.

“Uh, you mean all _you_ need to turn my staff into a lightsaber.” Rey corrected him, eyes flickering nervously between the contents of the box. “I have no clue how to use any of this stuff.”

“That’s why I’m here.” Kylo assured her. “But to be clear – _I_ am not making this saber. This is _your_ saber to make. Not mine. I am simply passing on the knowledge I know to aid you in its construction.”

Rey smiled gleefully up at him, her smile widening at the sight of the corner of his lips twitching -presumably because he was fighting with himself not to smile back at her. “Then what are we waiting for? Let’s get started.”


	8. On The Cusp Of Something New

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m not drunk.” Kylo tried to deny, but the ever so subtle hint of a slur in his words proved him otherwise, much to his frustration. “Maybe a little inebriated, but I wouldn’t say drunk.”  
> That’s when an idea popped into Rey’s head. Probably a bad one, if her sober mind was the one thinking, but her drunk mind thought it was a brilliant one. “I think we change that.” Kylo raised an eyebrow at Rey’s exclaim. “How about a game?”

Kylo was surprisingly patient with her.

That’s not to say she was doing _bad_ at building a saber. In fact, her years of tinkering with ship parts meant she had actually taken to the task quite well. She supposed having that prior knowledge of electronics was what helped the most, but personally, she likes to think that she picks up on new subjects very quickly.

Still, building a lightsaber was not designed to be a simple task. And it shouldn’t. This was an incredibly dangerous weapon that should only be wielded by those that deserve to. Those that have the right knowledge of the weapon, know how to responsibly use it. Some days, Rey can barely believe she comes under that category. It wasn’t exactly like she had time to train like the Jedi before her did. She had been thrust unexpectedly into this world that day BB-8 beeped out to her caught up in those nets. She didn’t have the time then, and she doesn’t really now. Sure, there’s an odd sort of lull where both the First Order and The Resistance seem to be waiting to see when the other will make a move, but that fragile break in the war can’t go on. One day, one of them will make the move that leads either to the rise, or the fall of the First Order.

“Rey? Are you listening?”

“Hmm?” Rey hummed instinctively in response to Kylo, her eyes glazed over and looking at nothing, lost in her own thoughts. She comes back to reality, looking down at the halved staff piece she has in her hands.

She had cleaned up the jagged break of the top half of her saber to a smooth cut, then removed the upper top piece of her staff. The bottom half of her staff had been significantly shortened so only the end piece and a few inches of the rod of the staff remained. Like the other piece, she had cleaned it up a bit and smoothed down the edges. The plan was to connect the two pieces once they had installed the other parts and wires and everything else that Kylo has yet to tell her what is.

“Sorry, what did you say?” Rey asked, barely glancing at Kylo before returning to the task in hand, rubbing a piece of sandpaper vigorously down the inner section of her saber to thin the metal to make more space.

“I said everything here’s about ready.” Kylo answered, tapping at one of the parts he had placed on the workbench in front of them. “And that if you keep doing that, you’re not going to have much of a lightsaber to work with.”

“Relax, it’s fine.” Rey said, but stopped sanding down the metal none-the-less. She placed the piece of sandpaper off to the side of the workbench, turning to Kylo expectantly. “What should I start with?”

Kylo picks up a thin silver metal tube from the workbench, holding it in front of him as he speaks. “We’ll start with this. This right here is a power cell. It’s made of Diatium, as most lightsaber power cells are. This is what provides power to your entire saber; to the wiring, the switch, the crystal itself…”

“Where does it go?” Rey asked, plucking the power cell careful from his outstretched hands. She follows Kylo’s pointing finger, securing it to the bottom of the lower half of her staff. When she looks back up, Kylo is already holding what looks like a small black box.

“This is the crystal chamber.” Kylo tells her. “As you can probably guess, this is where you’re crystal is placed within your saber.”

“I’m guessing we’re working from the ground up here?” Rey asked Kylo as she took the part from him. “Each part stacked on top of each other?”

“Exactly.” Kylo answered, watching as Rey placed the crystal chamber atop the power cell and securing it into place. “Though, you’re going to need-“

“A wire.” Rey finished Kylo’s sentence for him, her tongue just barely peeking out of the corner of her mouth as she worked with the incredibly fiddly components in an infuriatingly small space. “I’ll need some wires to connect the chamber to the power cell, right?”

Kylo answered simply by passing a few wires over to her. It seemed that Rey had already thrown herself into her work, crafting based on her prior knowledge. That was fine with Kylo- he was perfectly content with providing her with information on the components and watching her attempt to construct them together. It filled him with an odd sense of pride, watching Rey work. Instead of holding her hand through every step, like he was expecting he would have to, he only had to keep a careful eye over her work and intervene when he saw something wrong. It was a good way to learn, and an equally good way to teach.

Once Rey had finished placing the focusing crystal activator atop the crystal chamber and had successfully wired the activator to the chamber, and then to the power cell, Kylo took the completed bottom half of her saber from her and inspected it carefully.

“Not bad.” Kylo told her, taking too much satisfaction in the annoyed grimace that passed Rey’s face - seemed like she was quite the perfectionist when it came to engineering. “Now onto the top half of your saber.”

Kylo picked up a few golden pieces, one particularly long piece that seemed to run the entire length of the top half of the saber, and two smaller pieces with grooves running down them. “These are used to help channel energy from the crystal into a blade. They go along with this-“ Kylo picked up an unbelievably tiny square that Rey recognized from the electronics in the navigation systems of ships she had scavenged. “-Which is an energy modulation circuit. This piece is what controls the amount of energy that’s emitted from your crystal into the blade. Without this, you’d either get too little energy and get no blade or… well, your saber would probably explode in your hands.”

Rey quickly snatched the little square from his fingers. “Better get this in there before I forget it then….”

The hours passed by quickly as Rey placed the last pieces of her saber into place. It took a surprisingly long time to learn how to solder the wires properly, specifically the one connecting her switch to the power cell. She had opted not to go for a traditional switch, and instead placed a thin wheel of metal within the saber to act as a rotating switch. There was of course a few occurrences where Kylo had to take over for her. Every time that would occur, Kylo was… the only word she can think of is ‘ _gentle’._ He wouldn’t get frustrated when she made the same mistake. He wouldn’t raise his voice at her, he wouldn’t rush her when she slowed down to make sure she was doing something right.

Watching him as he pointed to a wire she had managed to splay while fitting other components, softly explaining to her why it was important to regularly check the internals of her saber for damage like that, she couldn’t help but think about how great of a teacher he was. He had offered to teach her before, but not in a subject she wanted to broaden her knowledge in.

It made her wonder if he ever helped Master Luke to teach some of the younger padawans at his old temple. Sure, Ben was still technically a padawan back them himself, but it must have been difficult for Master Luke to teach a large group of children the ways of the Force all by himself. Kylo was talented with the Force- there was no denying that. She recognized it, just as Master Luke had. It didn’t seem too out of the question for Master Luke to ask for Ben’s help in teaching some of the easier lessons alongside him, to keep an eye on the youngest padawans during their lessons. 

The thought of a grumpy Kylo trying to deal with a group of fussy, energetic children who are gifted with the Force was one that made her smile to herself. Even so, she would bet he was great with them. But then thinking of all that made her think of those young children trapped within the burning temple as Kylo watched, and the hollow feeling that invoked in her chest was enough for the smile to slip away.

“…And then you need to re-attach the blade emitter.” Kylo’s voice brought Rey back to the task at hand, having done the rest of the work without really paying attention, simply following his instructions. “Once you’ve done that, all that’s left is to re-attach the two halves and… it’ll be ready.”

The last part was probably the easiest. She had plenty of experience in working with metal before, so welding two pieces of metal together was easy. The only thing that made her hands shake somewhat was knowing the precious materials that sat within those pieces of metal, and the amount of effort it would take to re-do everything if she messed up (especially if she somehow managed to damage the crystal throughout all this).

She couldn’t quite believe it when she was done. Placing the welder down next to her, she pushed the safety mask off her face with a sharp gasp of air. Sitting in front of her, now fully complete, was her lightsaber. _Hers._ Picking it up with shaking hands, she marveled at how it seemed to fit so perfectly, so naturally into the palm of her hand. Of course it would, it was once her staff after all. Years and years of wielding it against her foes had impeccably shaped the metal to her hands. It wasn’t as tall as her staff, but the components inside made it so the saber was near equal in weight, which would surely make adapting to this saber an easy task.

“I’ll leave you to ignite it then.”

“What?” Rey blanched in confusion, tearing her eyes away from her confusion to Kylo. “You’re leaving? Why?”

“Because this is something special.” Kylo answers like it’s obvious. “This is your first saber. The first you’ve crafted – and if you’re lucky, will also be you’re last. This is a weapon that will be by your side through everything. Igniting it for the first time is an experience you should get to witness alone.”

“What?” Rey repeats. “No, I’m not doing that-“

“Rey…”

“I’m not the only one that made this saber. You helped. A _lot._ You should get to see it, too.”

Kylo’s face looked to be a mixture of frustration and feeling touched by her words. “Don’t feel like you owe me anything just because I-“

“No, that’s not what this is about.” Rey stopped him before he could go on any further. “I’m asking you to stay because I _want_ you to stay, alright?”

Kylo’s mouth remained parted where he had gone to speak, but had been rendered speechless by her statement. He let his mouth close shut, his eyes scanning her face in an attempt to see if she was speaking the truth. A part of him wanted to rummage within her mind to find that answer, but the narrow-eyed look she shot him seemed to suggest that she somehow knew he was thinking about that. So, instead, he nodded his head at her.

“Good.” Rey said, holding her head up high and her saber outstretched an arm’s length away from herself. “Now - what’s the chance of this blowing up when I ignite it?”

“About fifty-fifty.”

Rey switched the saber to her left hand to give Kylo’s arm a good smack with her right. “Thanks for the vote of confidence.” She told him dryly, her thumb hovering nervously over her ignition switch. “Though, I suppose I should be flattered that you’re even giving me a fifty percent chance of this working…”

“Actually, the other fifty percent was that nothing would happen once you hit the switch.”

Rey hit him again. Harder.

“It’s better than the other option.” Kylo tried to defend himself, rubbing at his sore arm. “Believe me, I wish that when I had-,” Kylo suddenly stopped, snapping his mouth shut and looking nervously to Rey for a brief second before averting his gaze elsewhere- _anywhere else_ but her.

“When you had what?” Rey asked in a questioning tone, narrowing her eyes at him. The realization of what he was about to say struck her then, and a rather childish grin stretched across her face. “Ben… What happened when you built your saber for the first time?”

Kylo said nothing, keeping his expression schooled and his gaze away from her searching one.

“Ben?”

“I forgot the modulation circuit.” Kylo gave in, practically deflating in on himself with his confession. “It didn’t explode per se, but…”

“But?” 

“It fried everything inside. Only my crystal remained unharmed.”

“I shouldn’t laugh, right?”

“How about you ignite your saber first?” Kylo shot back at her. “Then we’ll see who gets to laugh.”

Rey thought his words would bring that nervousness crashing back to her. Instead, they only added fuel to the achiever inside her, to the part of her that always wanted to prove him wrong – prove _everyone_ wrong. So, she didn’t look away from him. She kept her eyes trained on the ever-so-subtle smirk of his as she held out her saber to the side. She kept her eyes trained on his one brow raised in a challenge as she moved her finger to the ignition switch. She let her eyes trail down the scar etched across his face as she flicked the switch to the side.

But she couldn’t keep her eyes on him after that. Not when there was this beautiful, radiant _golden_ blade emitting from her saber. She let out a gasp at the beauty of it, at the _power_ radiating from it. It had _worked_. Held in her hands now was a functioning saber, emitting a color she had never really heard mentioned before within Kyber Crystals. Even Kylo was stood agape at the saber she held in her hands, and it made her strangely happy to see the awe on his face, his eyes flickering between the saber and its wielder.

Rey lets herself bask in the glow of her saber for a few seconds more before she rotates the ignition back, extinguishing the blade. It seems to disappear within her saber, and then they’re left standing in the small rays of sunlight that make their way through the gaps of the AT-AT. It takes Kylo a few seconds to realize he probably shouldn’t be staring at her. He shakes his head minutely, clearing his throat before he speaks. “I… I think you’ve earned the right to laugh at me.”

Rey doesn’t laugh at him. If she had a weakness, it was that she often acted on impulse, especially when it came to her emotions. Right now… Right now it was a mix of things. She was just so deliriously happy and excited at having her own saber, _and_ that it worked. She was full of gratitude for Kylo, for she knew deep down that it would be a long, _long_ time before this happened, if it wasn’t for him. So, before she can really think about it, she’s flung herself forwards, wrapping her arms around his torso and burrowing the side of her head into his chest.

It seemed that a hug was the last thing Kylo expected from Rey if she was going by the fact that his arms were held partly in the air in shock - perhaps because he thought she was charging at him to kill him with her new saber. That would be cruel. Too cruel. But she has to remind herself that someone like Kylo is expecting death around every corner- it would take him a while to realize that people wanted to give him physical affection not because they’re trying to deceive him, but because they _want_ to.

‘ _You.’_ That voice in her head spoke. ‘ _Not ‘people’. Not ‘They’. You.’_

It was hard to argue with the voice, when she knew it was right.

She had been about to step away from the hug when she felt the first tentative touch of his hands on her back. Kylo had finally lifted up his arms, wrapping them around her and reciprocating the hug. He felt Rey’s arms squeeze gently around his sides, and he instinctively squeezed back in response, his body acting before his brain could tell it what to do. It was strange, when his body took over like that. It was even stranger when his brain didn’t seem to mind. Even more so, when it suggested that he never lets her go.

“Thank you…” Her voice is muffled against his tunic, her words vibrating through his chest.

“You’re more than welcome.” Kylo responds, already mourning the feel of her arms around him as she pulls herself out of his embrace. “Make sure you put that saber to good use. You should start training with it as soon as possible; get used to the way it feels in your hand.”

Rey places her saber down gently atop her work station, turning to face Kylo as she spoke. “You say that like you’re leaving.”

It wasn’t a question, nor was it really a statement. Kylo stood awkwardly, his eyes wandering from Rey’s expecting expression to the door. “It was what we agreed, wasn’t it? I was here to help you create your saber, which is now complete. What other reason do I have to stay?”

 _‘Me’._ Her mind wanted to blurt out. ‘ _Stay for me.’_

It’s not what she said. She didn’t even know if saying those words would have the desired effect. And truthfully, just hearing the words in her own mind freaked her out. She didn’t entirely know _why_ she wanted Kylo to stay around longer, but she knew she _had_ to come up with a reason for him to stay. Just then does an idea pop into her mind, and she’s racing towards the back corner of her AT-AT, leaving Kylo with his mouth partially open, apparently about to say something. She’s rummaging frantically through the cramped storage, pulling out and chucking random assortments of knick-knacks and other junk until she finds what she had been looking for. She delicately removes the dark brown bottle from its confines, wiping away the thick layer of dust that coated the glass.

Kylo had his neck craned to the side, trying to get a glimpse at what Rey was cradling in her hands. As soon as his eyes land on the bottle, his brows raise up into his hairline. “Corellian Brandy? How did you manage to procure _that?”_

“Don’t use that tone with me.” Rey scolded him. “It almost seems like you’re suggesting I stole this.”

“And did you?”

“No!” Rey retorted. “I found it _years_ ago while scavenging an old ship. It looked like it had been there for quite some time. It had mostly been picked clean, but I found this hidden within a few storage crates that other scavengers must have overlooked.”

“Some may still consider that stealing.” Kylo pointed out.

“Whoever the pilot of that ship was, they were long gone. They might even be dead for all I know. If they’re still alive, they must not have cared much for it if they just left it there. If they are dead, then… well, they don’t exactly have much use for it.”

“Unless they were the type to believe their physical possessions followed them from this life to the next.” Kylo kept his voice so flat and neutral that Rey wasn’t sure if he was messing with her or if he was truly being sincere with what he was suggesting.

Rey glared up at him, keeping up with the staring contest Kylo had initiated for a few moments before letting out an annoyed huff of air, turning to place the bottle back where she had got it from. “Fine, fine, I just thought it would be nice to celebrate our accomplishment with a drink, but if you’re going to be like that-“

Her words were cut off by a sound so unexpected that she wondered if she had hallucinated it. No, it was definitely there. That was _laughter._ Kylo was _laughing_. She whipped around to catch a glimpse of the smile that must have accompanied such a care-free sounding laugh, but to her dismay, Kylo had managed to return his face to a somewhat neutral expression as quickly as his short burst of laughter had died off.

“I believe ‘Finders Keepers’ is a common saying, is it not?” Kylo asked as he took a few steps towards her, holding his hand out for her to give him the bottle. She passed it over to him, watching as he held the bottle to a stream of setting sunlight that entered the AT-At, peering at the sloshing contents within. “This bottle might be older than you. May even be older than _me._ ”

“Wow, that’s really old.” Rey couldn’t resist the little jab, hiding her smirk when she saw Kylo scowl down at her, the bottle still held outstretched in the air.

“Have you even opened this?” Kylo walked the few steps it took to reach the couch like construction he had sat on the last time he was here, lowering himself down onto it so he was seated somewhat comfortably. Rey had followed after him, jumping up onto her bed opposite and holding out her hand for him to return the bottle.

“No. It seemed valuable.” Rey said, taking the bottle back once Kylo passed it over. “I was saving it for a special occasion. This one seems as good as any.”

“Oh, then… Have you… Have you ever actually drank any alcohol?” Kylo asked cautiously.

“Um… No, I haven’t.” Rey didn’t know why admitting this to him made her feel embarrassed. It wasn’t like she was ever in a situation where she had access to such a luxury. Because that’s what it was – a luxury. Everything in her life was a luxury really: the roof over her head, the portions she bartered for using parts she spent hours scavenging for in the scorching heat. So when she actually chanced across a bottle of the stuff, she wasn’t exactly just going to drink it right then and there like it was nothing. “Have you?”

“I’m not a drinker.” Kylo shifted somewhat on the ‘couch’, leaning forward somewhat as he spoke. “I’ve had a few drinks occasionally, but not much. Snoke would often discourage such activities; said it was nothing more than a distraction to my duties.”

“Well, you seemed to know enough to recognize what drink it was. You know if it’s any good?”

“It’s a popular liquor, that’s for sure. It can be a bit of an acquired taste though – especially for a first-timer.”

Rey brushed away a bit more of the dust on the front of the bottle, squinting to get a better look at the faded, torn label. It was much too damaged to get any useful information from the label, so she moved her efforts to the cork sat within the neck of the bottle. It may have taken her a few more tries than she’d like to admit (including a few embarrassing attempts of pulling it out with her teeth, nearly resulting in a few of them flying out as Kylo watched in shame) before she heard the satisfying ‘pop’ of the cork coming free from the bottle. Rey gave a small, quiet cheer to herself, before raising the bottle to her mouth and taking in a mouthful of the amber liquid.

Kylo had just been about to warn her, but he was too late. He could only sit back and watch as Rey’s eyes went wide, wincing as she harshly swallowed the drink and turning into a coughing, spluttering mess. Her eyes watered ferociously as she pounded on her chest, feeling like she was about to hack up her lungs as she held the offensive bottle away from herself. “ _Kriff,_ people actually _drink_ this stuff? For _fun_?”

Kylo chuckled quietly as he tugged the bottle out of her outstretched hand. “Told you it was an acquired taste.” Kylo raised the bottle to his lips, taking a much smaller sip than Rey had and swallowing the bitter liquid down smoothly – not a sign of discomfort to be seen as it slipped down his throat. “These aren’t the kind of drinks that you want to chug down. They’re meant more for sipping on casually. Appreciate the flavor.”

“I couldn’t really taste anything.” Rey told him, her upper lip curling in disgust at the memory of the drink. “It just… burnt.”

“I wasn’t a fan at first, either.” Kylo assured her, taking another sip from the bottle. “Most tend to adjust to it. Some don’t.”

Rey eyed the drink in his hands warily for a few seconds, weighing the risk of taking another drink. Perhaps she’d like it this time. Or perhaps it would burn as much as it did the last time. She held out her hand to him, gesturing for him to pass over the bottle. “Let me have another try.”

Kylo did so reluctantly. Not because he wanted to keep the bottle of brandy for himself. More so because he could already envision a drunk Rey at the end of all this. And if he’s not careful, he could easily become drunk, too.

This was going to be an interesting night…

* * *

“…And I get it, okay? I do. BB-8 is technically _Poe’s_ droid. I _know_ that. But it's not _my_ fault BB-8 would always follow me around. Poe was _constantly_ complaining to me about how he doesn’t see his droid anymore, but what am I supposed to do? Tell BB-8 to go away? I can’t do that!” Rey is fully aware that she’s rambling on and on, and for some reason the words she forms in her head don’t leave her mouth quite the same way. The ability to speak had suddenly become much harder, the words coming out slurred and uncertain.

Kylo stared blankly back at her, his expression so vacant that she wondered if he was actually listening to her at all or if he was just spacing out. He certainly looked relaxed enough to not be paying attention, sat atop the makeshift couch and leaned back against the wall of the AT-AT. Kylo was now holding the bottle of Corellian Brandy, though now the liquid that sloshed within the bottle was only filled to about a third.

“You don’t talk much, do you?” Rey huffed, annoyed by his consistent silence. “I thought the drink might… loosen you up a little.”

“I have a bit more experience holding my liquor than you do.” Kylo answered. “Though, that does not mean I am immune to its effects.”

“So… you’re staying quiet to reduce the chances of saying something you would only say when drunk?”

“Yes. And to stop myself from babbling on about mundane things.”

Rey leaned forward from her bed, snatching the bottle that was held loosely in his hands with a pointed glare. “Seems you’re still just as mean when you’re drunk.”

“I’m not drunk.” Kylo tried to deny, but the ever so subtle hint of a slur in his words proved him otherwise, much to his frustration. “Maybe a little inebriated, but I wouldn’t say _drunk.”_

That’s when an idea popped into Rey’s head. Probably a bad one, if her sober mind was the one thinking, but her drunk mind thought it was a brilliant one. “I think we change that.” Kylo raised an eyebrow at Rey’s exclaim. “How about a game?”

Kylo stared at Rey, looking rather unenthused. “What kind of game?”

“A simple game of questions.” Rey answered. “We each take turns asking each other a question. Whatever question you want. Get to know each other a little better, you know?”

“And what if I don’t want to answer a question?”

“Then you take a drink as forfeit.”

Kylo hummed in thought, tilting his head back to rest against the wall. “This seems set up to make me fail. You’re clearly going to ask me questions I don’t want to answer.”

“Your point being?”

“Either I answer your questions, or I’ll get _really_ drunk.”

“Well, _yeah,_ but same goes for me. I’ll bet you have some questions I won’t want to answer.”

“I doubt that.” Kylo noticed Rey open her mouth, most likely ready to give some kind of retort, so he quickly continued. “But… sure. Let’s do this.”

“Great!” Rey exclaimed, much too enthusiastic about this game for Kylo’s liking. Before Kylo could even blink, Rey had thrown the bottle back in his direction. Luckily, years of combat experience meant Kylo’s reflexes were quick enough to snatch the bottle out of the air before it finished it’s course of flight and broke his nose. “-And since you now have the bottle, I’ll ask the first question.”

Kylo could only glare at Rey’s smug smile.

“I’ve been dying to know this forever…” Dread immediately filled Kylo, bracing himself for some sort of invasive question. “What’s your favorite color?”

That was… absolutely not the question he was expecting.

“What?”

“Your favorite color.” Rey repeated. She didn’t quite seem to grasp that he had heard the question perfectly fine. “I don’t know what it is.”

Kylo stared at her blankly. He would chalk the majority of the fogginess in his mind up to the alcohol streaming through his veins, but the fact of the matter was he couldn’t really _remember_ his favorite color. When was the last time someone had asked him that question? Had anyone _ever?_

“Did… Did I break you?” Rey face split into a smile at her own joke, but it quickly fell when the blank expression on Kylo’s face remained. “Ben, you’re kind of scaring me now… Are you okay?”

“Yes…” Kylo said slowly, drawing the single word out longer than needed as he got his thoughts together. “I just, uh… Wasn’t expecting a question so…” He struggled to find a descriptive word that wouldn’t come out as an insult.

“Childish?” Rey filled in the blanks for herself. Thankfully, she didn’t seem offended.

“Non-invasive.”

Rey seemed to accept this over her own suggestion. “Well? What is it?”

“Blue. My favorite color is blue.”

Well, that definitely took Rey by surprise. “Really? Wait, you’re serious?”

“No. I’m not serious. I thought it’d be funny to joke about my favorite color.”

Rey swung out her foot to give him a light kick to his leg hanging over the edge of the couch. “Alright, funny guy. It’s just… you just don’t seem like the kind of person who likes the color blue.”

Kylo’s face scrunched up in confusion. “How could you possibly _tell_ a persons favorite color? Wait, let me guess- you thought my favorite color was black?”

“Well…”

Kylo snorted, taking a swig of brandy from the bottle in his hands, even though it wasn’t technically required of him to drink. “Just because I mostly wear black-,”

“ _Mostly?”_ Rey exclaimed in disbelief. “It’s all you wear!”

“Because it fits me.” Kylo argued, dropping the bottle away from his mouth. “Plus, it’s a design choice. Something to recognize me by. You recognize my troopers by their white armor. You recognize apprentices of the dark side by their dark clothing. Doesn’t mean it’s my favorite color.”

“Sure, fine. So, why is blue your favorite color?” Rey asked just as Kylo held the bottle back out to her, taking it from his hands and placing it in her lap as she waits for his answer.

“Technically, that’s another question and it’s supposed to be my turn.” Kylo pointed out, leaning back against the wall. “But I’ll answer it anyway, because… I don’t really have an answer to that. It just is.”

“Is there not something the color reminds you of? Something about it that makes you feel drawn to it over every other color?”

“I…” Kylo’s voice faltered as he strained to think of an answer. “I… I suppose it makes me feel peaceful, yet at the same time seems to radiate power. It can be like an ocean- a calm millpond with sparkling turquoise waters, or a dark, raging, windswept wave that washes away everything in its path. The way I see it usually depends on where my mind is.”

“That’s… oddly poetic, coming from you.”

Kylo chuckled low and slow. “Well, I did use to write. Had my own calligraphy set and everything.”

“I can believe that.”

“But not that my favorite color is blue?”

“ _Now_ I do.” Rey stressed the first word. “Thank you for telling me it, anyway. It might seem like an unimportant question, but… I don’t know, maybe it’s stupid, but I just felt like it was one of those questions that you’re supposed to know about your friends.”

That almost forced a smile out of Kylo. _Almost_. “I suppose I should ask you for your favorite color and make our friendship official then, shouldn’t I?”

“I suppose you should.” Rey’s tone was soft, an equally gentle smile playing across her face. “And I would tell you that it’s green.”

Kylo hummed in acknowledgment, an unusually warm look in his brown eyes as they swept over her. “Since you asked me, I feel it’s only fair for me to ask you why that’s your favorite color? Unless you don’t know either?”

“Oh, I know.” Rey assured him. “It’s mostly because… it’s one of the only colors I never really got to see. Other than the obnoxiously bright greens of plastics and the peeling rusty metals on unusually colored ships, and they _reeked_ of… of… of _fakeness._ Of being man-made. But when your father took us to Takonda and I laid eyes on those forests for the first time… All of a sudden, green didn’t mean fake anymore. It was _life._ It was _flourishing_ life, vibrancy and well-living, it…”

“It’s what you never had.” Kylo guessed, though he said it more as if it was a fact than a random shot in the dark.

Rey didn’t know how to respond. Or, maybe she just couldn’t. He was right, after all, but it felt like there wasn’t anything she could say in response. It was just as it was.

“I, uh… I guess it’s your turn again.” Kylo said, and Rey was thankful for the obvious life-line he was throwing out.

Coming up with another question wasn’t hard, because she had an endless list of questions she wanted to ask Kylo. Rather, it was difficult in the sense of trying to find a question that wouldn't add to the awkwardness this current pause in conversation had brought.

“How did you find out about all of this? The Force, your place within it, your control over it?” Rey asked.

“I suppose I didn’t really _find out_ about it. I grew up with it. With the stories, of the bloodline I was a part of. It’s difficult now to know of these things when you have the family that I do.”

“Two war hero’s for parents, one of them a former Jedi in training; a Jedi for an uncle and a former Jedi and Sith Lord for a grandfather. I imagine that was quite a lot.” Rey said.

“Hmm. Though truth be told, my parents were the first to discover my abilities within the Force.” Kylo continued. “Apparently, I would often throw objects around the room without physically touching them whenever I had a tantrum as a toddler.”

“That’s oddly adorable.” Rey cooed, much to Kylo’s distaste. “And it’s amazing how you still haven’t grown out of your tantrums!”

Kylo held up the bottle in his hands as a warning. “I _will_ drink as forfeit. Don’t think I won’t.” Kylo didn’t continue until Rey held up her hands in defeat. “I think mom always saw it coming, but dad… I’m not sure if disappointed is the right word, but he certainly wasn’t happy. They tried to live with it - with _me -_ for as long as they could but, eventually, they realized leaving me with powers I didn’t know how to control would only end in disaster.”

“You said dad.” Rey pointed out, one of the things that seem to be glaring out at her in his answer.

“Huh?”

“Instead of Han.” Rey continued in astonishment. “You said dad instead.”

Having it pointed out to him was enough for him to pause, clenching his jaw as he tapped his forefinger rhythmically against the bottle in his hands. “I don’t know why I tried to avoid it so much before.” He admitted, eyes unfocused as he spoke. “Refusing to say the word as if he would no longer be my father. I can’t undo my family. I can’t undo what I did to him. Avoiding saying who he is to me doesn’t do anything to change that.”

“Good.” Rey said happily. “Ignoring the past does nothing to change it.”

“That it doesn’t.” Kylo agrees, eyes coming back into focus and settling on Rey. “And obsessing over it doesn’t change the future, either.”

Rey narrowed her eyes at him, wondering what he was trying to get at. “I don’t _obsess_ over the past.”

“You’ve proven yourself as a capable pilot, _and_ an engineer. You would have had plenty of opportunities to escape this planet. Even my father offered you a way out. But you didn’t take it. Why was that?”

“Hoping for my parents to return isn’t the same as me obsessing.” Rey tried to thwart his point, but her words didn’t come out sounding all that confident.

“You threw away your future holding onto a past that you barely knew. Be honest with me, Rey; In the slim chance that your parents are still alive, do you really believe they’ll come back for you?”

Kylo hadn’t spoken in a malicious way. Not at all. He was genuinely curious about her answer. It was something he had thought over many times when it came to Rey. With all that she was capable of, it was the one biggest part of her life that seemed to hold her back; just as it did for him.

But Rey didn’t give him an answer. For a while, she stared at him. And she kept staring at him as she reached over to slide the bottle out of his hands. She only broke eye contact with him once she threw her head back to down a mouthful of bitter liquid that was starting to grow on her. Or, perhaps, she was getting too drunk to care about its taste. Maybe _that’s_ how it grows on you.

Rey dropped the bottle back down, wiping a few extra drops from the corner of her mouth with the back of her sleeve whilst she passed the bottle back to Kylo with her other hand. “If you could go back and do it all again, would you kill your father, or spare him?” If Kylo was going to dig deep, then Rey certainly wasn’t going to pull any punches.

Kylo flinched, though it was barely noticeable unless you were _really_ looking at him. When he leaned forward on the couch, Rey thought for just a moment that he might actually answer her question. Which was stupid really, because of _course_ he wouldn’t. He lifts the bottle to his lips and takes a longer drink from it than is necessary - or advisable - and Rey wondered if that drink was enough to push Kylo over the edge into full-blown drunkenness. Maybe then he’d be more likely to answer her questions. Then again, the same would probably go for her. Was that a good thing or a bad thing?

“What did you think of me when you first saw me?” Kylo asked her once he had passed the bottle back.

“Which one of you?” Rey asked. “The masked you? Or the other you?”

“Both.”

Rey let out a short exhale of air from her nose, looking down into the near-empty bottle of brandy as she sorted through her mind for the right words to say. “I suppose technically the first time I saw you _physically_ was when you were in your full…” Rey gestured at him with the bottle in her hand. “-you know. The first thing I thought of was- ‘it’s him’.”

“You had heard of me?”

“No. I had seen you, moments before, in a vision. When I laid hands on Master Skywalker’s lightsaber for the first time. I saw… a lot of things I didn’t understand, things that filled me with this disorientating feeling of dread. And then there was you. Wearing your mask and everything else, standing amongst a field of dead bodies with your men stood behind you. I could barely see you past the rain and the darkness, but you looked at me like you were _there._ You came at me with your lightsaber in hand, and then suddenly you were gone as quick as you had appeared.

“I thought if I wielded that saber, it would set off a chain of events that led to that moment. So, I didn’t take it. I ran from that life, ran from the battle, and yet, there you were. There was no rain, no field of dead bodies. Just us and the forest.”

“And you were the girl I had heard so much about.” Kylo spoke with an uncharacteristic lightness in his voice. “The girl with the droid that kept ruining my plans.”

“You didn’t give me much time to form an opinion on you before knocking me out.”

“I think we can both agree that was a better option than dragging you with me kicking and screaming.”

“ _Easier._ Not better.”

Kylo shrugged like there was barely a difference. “And what about after? When we first spoke to each other properly?”

“I’m not sure if you want to hear the answer to that.” Rey told him.

“Oh believe me, I want to hear the answer.” Kylo’s voice had dropped impossibly low, sending an odd shiver down Rey’s spine. Force help her, she wanted to hear more of that. “Besides, chances are at this point that I won’t remember any of this tomorrow.”

Rey tried to laugh at this, but the best she could get out was a strangled sounding snort. A part of her was tempted to take another drink, but the inebriated and irrational part of her brain had taken over everything else, and the truth came flooding out. “For some reason, I couldn’t understand what was happening. I was expecting you to be mangled under that mask. Disfigured, scarred, hiding your face in shame. But you took off your mask and you were… you were just a boy. A young man.”

“There’s a reason I kept the mask on whenever I could. Without it, I was just a normal person. When you normalize your enemy, they no longer seem undefeatable. But when you shape yourself into the tales that are told about you? You become the one thing they fear most.”

“Then perhaps you should have kept the mask on if you wanted to interrogate me efficiently. Perhaps, if you had been searching through my brain and all I had to stare at was the blank eye holes in your mask, I wouldn’t have fought back. Instead, I was left under your scrutinizing and intense gaze, and in that moment all I could think about was how _familiar_ your eyes were… how I had seen the subtle curve of your nose on another, or how I had seen those same pair of lips speaking to me not too long ago…”

Kylo swallowed so harshly, he was sure Rey must have heard it. It seemed much too audible in the stillness of the AT-AT, and Kylo wished more than anything to have that bottle back in his hands to finish off the remainder of its contents. Her words had sent a hot flush crawling up his skin, and he couldn’t blame it entirely on the alcohol this time. To hear her describe him in such a way… Had she really studied him just as intensely as he had studied her that day? She had appeared to him, this rare desert creature that should have been nothing more than a passing source of information, and all he wanted to do was pick her apart and find out all that he could. Nothing brought him greater pleasure than when he could display his powers, to watch others bow to him as he demonstrated all he was capable of. But when she had fought back, when she refused to shrink away… oh, he knew she was more than special then, and he wanted _more._

He should have been infuriated by this random scavenger girl who dared to oppose him. She radiated a power he only knew to exist within himself, and getting even a slight taste of her power was enough to get his heart racing and the coil of excitement to churn deep in his gut. Right now, sitting aside from her and hearing what she has to say, he could only pray she didn’t notice the subtle shift of red across his face.

“I kind of wish I had been combing for your thoughts while I was looking for that droid’s location in your mind. Perhaps things would have been different if I had.”

“I wish we hadn’t met the way we did.” Rey whispered in confession, like the words were sinful to speak. “I wish we weren’t caught in this complicated situation, and we had met like… like any random people would.”

“It would be easier.” Kylo concurred. “But chances are, our paths would never have crossed. If this life we exist in is the only one where you came into my life? I wouldn’t want to live in any other one.”

She genuinely hated it when he did that. It made her forget everything else that was happening. It made her forget about who he is, who she is, how _messed up_ all of this is. Kylo Ren was good at putting on a mask, but he was also very talented at letting the mask slip just enough to get what he wanted. And right now, letting Ben Solo scrape his way to the surface, she was sure he knew he had her right in the palm of his hand. She really regretted getting out that bottle of brandy now… there was part of her still sober enough to know continuing this line of conversation would lead to something… something _new_ , something that wouldn’t be a good idea, but the problem was the sober part of her mind was being drowned out by the intoxicated part that, quite frankly, didn’t care one bit.

“Do you ever wonder what will happen with us?” Rey didn’t pass him the bottle this time. He didn’t need it. Neither of them did anymore. “Do you wonder if either of us are on the right path? Are we to follow the one laid out for us, or seek out our own?”

“I used to think I knew everything.” There could be a Star Destroyer crashing outside, and not even that could get Kylo to tear his eyes away from her. “Now, with you, I question everything… I don’t know what to do anymore. I know what I’m _supposed_ to be doing. What I was _told_ I should do. All my life, I’ve had others telling me what I should be doing, who I should be. Looking at you now, I should be planning on ways to end your existence. Of you, of the Jedi, of all those that associate themselves with such a name. That’s what I _should_ be doing.”

It seemed like it happened in a blink, except it could have easily taken longer as she had been so wrapped up in his words that she didn’t pay enough attention. Kylo had pushed himself forward from the couch, leaning towards her until his face was mere millimeters from hers. It hadn’t just been him either; over the course of these last few questions Rey had found herself scooting closer and closer to the edge of her bed, her body pushing her towards him even if she didn’t realize it. He was close enough that she could count every one of his dark lashes, fluttering over hazy bronzed eyes that flicked from her own down to her parted lips.

“But why is it, Rey-?” His breath was warm as it puffed across her face, the smell of the brandy following with every exhale. “-That whenever I look at you, all I can think about is whether your lips are as soft as they look?”


	9. Where It Began

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey nodded, letting her eyes flutter shut and taking a deep breath in to prepare herself. She exhaled slowly, feeling everything that surrounded her. The searing wind of Jakku batting against the baked metal of her AT-AT, the sound of hairless rats scurrying in underground tunnels miles and miles away, the bustling activity of the rare settlements scattered around the desert. The energy of it all existed around her, within her, was her.
> 
> And there was Kylo. Somehow nothing like her, and yet entwined with her. He was like a pulsating, glowing beacon within her vision, a mass of brilliant white with veins of jet black sneaking through, clinging to him like vines, digging in hard and refusing to relinquish their grip. It was reaching out to her, twirling around her, letting itself brush along her but never quite being able to hold on. Looking at him now, she knew him like she knew herself. There was nothing he could hide from her, and the fact that he was so willingly baring himself to her like this was a show of trust she couldn’t even begin to grasp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe I should have added "slow-burn" to the tags, huh? 
> 
> Well,
> 
> Here we are.
> 
> FINALLY

Rey has encountered many experiences in her short life. Some experiences that have been experienced by many others, some only a rare few get the privilege to be a part of. Sure, there are countless other scavengers out there - not just on Jakku - who performed the same tasks every day as she did. And she’s sure there are plenty of others that have been abandoned by their parents and left to fight for their own survival. Not _quite_ as many people have had a resistance droid carrying a map to _the_ Luke Skywalker roll into their lives. And not everyone has been led to an ex-stormtrooper, who would then help them to escape from a pursuing group of stormtroopers onboard the most famous ship in the Galaxy (that, admittedly, she had once mistaken for garbage.) Not so many people have had the privilege to study under Luke Skywalker, to hold and wield a saber – not just any saber, but the saber that had once belonged to Anakin Skywalker, and then passed onto his son, Luke Skywalker.

She’s lived through every one of them, and she’s here now to tell the tale, isn’t she? Well, the point she was trying to make is that those experiences help her to be prepared. Ready to tackle anything that comes away.

Except, she had never planned for Kylo Ren, heavily inebriated on brandy that _she_ had coaxed him into drinking, to say what he had just said to her. Above all else, she hadn’t been expecting to find herself wanting him to act on his words. He hadn’t moved – not yet. His lips were tantalizingly close to her own, so close that she only needed to tilt her head up a few millimeters and he would get to find out the answer to his question. His hazy brown eyes repeatedly flickered down to her waiting lips, struggling to focus on her eyes when they flicked back up.

It feels more like instinct than her own willpower that she finds herself leaning into him. His lips barely brush against hers, another wave of brandy scented breath filling her senses when it hits her. She stops, how exactly she isn’t too sure. She has a hand on his chest, gently nudging him back as she pulls her face away from his, shaking her head as she does so. She can just about see the cloudy confusion behind the drunken haze in his eyes – worst of all, she can see the clear sheen of _hurt_ as she pushes him away.

“We shouldn’t…” Rey tells him quietly, dropping her hand away from the warmth of his body. “You don’t want this. Not really. You’ve had too much to drink, you… you’re not acting like, well, _you._ It would be wrong of me – of _us_ – when we’re like this, I… You would regret it so much once you sober up.”

Kylo blinks slowly at her in his confusion, taking the time to process the words in his intoxicated mind. “What?”

Rey sighed heavily, scooting further back on her bed until her back hit the wall. The pain swelling in Kylo’s chest grew heavier the further she pushed herself away from him. “This is for the best. Trust me. You’d hate me otherwise.”

“I’d never-,” Kylo begun, but stopped when Rey shook her head at him.

“You can’t promise that. Not with us.” Rey stated firmly. “And this isn’t a decision you can make in your current state. Chances are you won’t even remember this tomorrow…”

“Okay.” Was all Kylo could say in response to that because it seemed like this was an argument he just couldn’t win. Rejection was never fun, but he wasn’t going to push Rey. Not with this. No matter how much the ache in his chest worsened with her rejection.

“I’m sorry…” Rey had practically folded in on herself, tucking her knees to her chest and peering over at Kylo worriedly. “We just can’t do this. Not while you’re drunk.”

“No, no, don’t be sorry. It’s fine, I’m fine, I just-,” Kylo stumbled to his feet, nearly knocking over a misshapen light fixture next to him as he stood. “I, uh… I think I should go. To my ship, I’ll just…”

This was exactly what Rey was worried was going to happen. Something that fractured the fragile relationship blooming between them that would only serve to push them apart instead of bringing them closer together. She had thought maybe she could have prevented it, but it appears she’s only done the opposite. She wants to tell him no, that he doesn’t have to leave, he’s always welcome in her home - but Kylo is staggering out of the door to her home before the words can even have a chance to form in her head, and she’s left with her mouth open and a hand outstretched towards his retreating form.

Rey let her head fall into her palms with a groan. She dug her fingers into the corners of her eyes, willing for the waves of dizziness to pass quickly. She can barely think when her head is swimming like this. Rey lets herself slide down the wall until she hits the somewhat scratchy but relatively soft blankets of her bed, wincing at the bulky object lodging itself into her side. She bends her arm awkwardly to reach at her back, yanking out the bottle she had discarded to the bed during their conversation. She gives a small grunt as she reaches to place the mostly empty bottle on what can barely count as a bedside table before collapsing back into the bed and rubbing a hand over the pressure she can feel building in her skull. This was the non-fun part of drinking, she supposed. Nausea and regrets.

Lots and lots of regrets…

* * *

Rey had never been in such pain in her life.

If this is the price she has to pay to get drunk, she’s never getting drunk again. That’s something that’s probably said by every sentient creature that’s ever drank before, but she stands by her words.

There must be a microscopic creature swinging a hammer around with reckless abandon inside her skull, because that’s the only scenario that fits the agonizing pain going on inside her head. The interior of her home had never seemed so bright, the thin streams of sunlight piercing through holes in her rusting ceiling blinding her even through closed eyelids, adding to the sharp pain that was set behind her eyes. Her mouth was dry – _unbearably_ dry, like someone had replaced it with a piece of sandpaper. Good thing she still has some water left in the reserve…. This is too much suffering for the supposed _fun_ of last night.

Ah. Last night… Oh, she remembers that. She would probably have had to drink to the point of alcohol poisoning to have forgotten _that._ Perhaps Kylo has forgotten it? She isn’t sure if she _wants_ for him to have forgotten… On one hand, it would make this whole mess easier. He’d probably be a bit confused about the whole situation, though. In fact, she isn’t entirely sure _where_ he went. She had just about picked out the words ‘my ship’ in his jumbled mess of words as he hurriedly left last night, but that could easily mean he got on his ship and _took off._ Which, if he did, she’s going to have to scold him harshly for the next time the Force connects them because you absolutely should _not_ under _any_ circumstances pilot a complicated spare faring piece of machinery whilst drunk.

Rey forces her eyes open, immediately wincing at the light that assaulted her senses. She pushed herself out of bed, peering at the world through squinted eyes whilst groaning quietly at the ache that ran through her muscles. She only stumbled a few times on her way to the water reserve, quickly pouring herself a canteen of thankfully somewhat cooled water.

It was the most refreshing drink her life, the cool liquid seemingly lessening the ache in her head with every swallow. She felt more alive now, at least. And not like she was right on deaths doorstep. She gave a weak glare in the offending bottle’s direction, wishing to never see or taste that bitter amber liquid ever again. She passes by it, ambling over to her workshop bench and then she stops there, staring down at its surface as she places the canteen of water down.

Her saber stares back at her, its sleek dark metal standing out atop the polished silver metal of her worktop. She can still barely believe it, even now. She was sure Kylo and herself would have got to practice sparring with it today, but that seems unlikely now. She doesn’t know when she’ll get to see him again… She sighs softly, scooping up the saber from the workbench. Rey rolls it around across her palm for a moment, testing the weight and overall feel of it. That’s when she catches sight of a shadow at the doorway from the corner of her eye that hadn’t been there before.

Her finger was moments away from spinning the ignition wheel to her saber, nearly dropping it at the sight of Kylo Ren stood at her doorway. She could see his chest heaving under his many layers of clothing, breathing heavily as if he had _ran_ the whole way here; which seemed likely, seeing the sheen of sweat plastered to his forehead.

He didn’t look panicked, though. At least, she couldn’t sense that from him. So, it was unlikely he was running _from_ something, or that they were in any immediate danger.

“Ben?” Rey asked, turning briefly to place her saber back on the workbench before turning back to him. “I thought you had left?”

Kylo had managed to get his breathing somewhat back under control. His fingers fidgeted by his side, swallowing harshly before he spoke.

“I’m not drunk anymore.”

 _‘What is he talking about?’_ Is the brief thought that passes through Rey’s mind. It’s brief due to the fact that her mind goes into overload as Kylo Ren storms towards her, encases the sides of her face in his giant hands, and crashes his lips into hers.

She let out a surprised squeak against his lips as Kylo pushes her back, feeling the hard edge of the workbench digging into her lower back as she collides with it. This was new, something she _definitely_ hasn’t experienced before, but it doesn’t matter in the slightest. It seemed deep-seated in her mind, something primitive that took over her body. She drops her saber on the workbench behind her, reaching up Kylo’s back and tangling her fingers in his black locks. She leans into him, her other hand trailing up his front and resting on the solid muscle of his chest, feeling the heat that bled through his shirt.

Kylo’s hands had slipped down, one arm curled around her hips and the other resting between her shoulder blades, a constant pressure that tugged her towards him. Rey parted her lips, breaking away from him to take a breath before Kylo quickly surged forward and reclaimed them with his own. A small whine slips out of her, barely audible after being swallowed by Kylo’s lips. She feels the gentle scrape of his teeth dragging down her bottom lip, accompanied by a shiver sliding down her spine. Her fingers involuntarily clench and tug at his hair, eliciting an unexpecting throaty growl from Kylo that nearly had her legs give out from underneath her.

It wasn’t until Kylo had pulled away from her that she felt like her mind had come back together and her body was back in her control. Her lips felt swollen and warm, and probably looked about the same as Kylo’s did: cherry red and plump with a sheen of moisture. The drunken haze was undeniably gone from his eyes, but had been replaced by a much different one; dark pupils expanded until his iris was no more than a thin rich brown circle that surrounded the inky blackness, darting across her face as he waits for her reaction.

“Wha… What just happened?”

Maybe not the most intelligent words to have come out of her mouth, and probably in the worst of situations, but there they were.

“I kissed you.” Kylo spoke slowly, almost framing the straightforward statement as a question. He looked genuinely concerned for her mental wellbeing, so that was nice at least.

“…Why?”

His concerned look only deepened. “Because I wanted to? And maybe it’s foolish of me to assume, but I presumed you kissed me back because you wanted to?”

She did. Oh no, she _did_ , didn’t she? It hadn’t even crossed her mind whether she wanted to, let alone if she even _should_.

“I… Yeah, I guess I did.”

She could see the relief clear as day on his face at her words, felt the tension of his muscles drain away beneath her fingertips that were still resting along the back of his neck.

“Good, because then I can do this again.” Kylo had leaned forward again before she could even blink, their lips slotting together perfectly like they were built to be. Rey had to fight against every fiber of her being not to just melt right back into him, into the deliriously addicting silky heat of his mouth, because it would only lead to trouble if all Kylo needed to do to shut down her mental capabilities was kiss her.

“Wait-,” She barely managed to get out in the brief second their lips parted, nearly forgetting what the rest of her sentence was supposed to be when Kylo runs his tongue across her bottom lip. “Ben, wait.”

Kylo does pull away at that, looking about as unhappy about having to stop as she was, even though she was the one who stopped it. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong, I just… Is this the best idea? Not even taking into account what _I_ want, or what _you_ want, but thinking about how _messy_ this could get.”

“Messy?” Kylo repeated her words in a question. “Why would it get messy?”

“Maybe because I’m a Jedi in training, and you’re the supreme leader of The First Order? The time we’ve spent together so far, it’s… well, I suppose it’s what’s led to this moment, hasn’t it? But it can’t last forever. I’m going to have to return to my duties someday, as will you. This war will continue, Ben. And we both pledge our allegiances to different sides. Battles will be fought. We’ll have to join those battles. How will we both be able to step onto the battlefield, both as enemies and as… as…”

“Lovers?”

That word didn’t sound adapt enough, but it managed to get a fierce red blush to creep up her neck and spread across her face, so she supposed it was good enough. “Yes. This is going to complicate things, in ways that will impact more lives than just our own.”

“We’ll find a way.” Kylo said firmly, raising his hands to wrap them around her arms and give them a light squeeze. “This is my specialty - working with I’ve got to make the plan work.”

“The plan?”

“This one, right here.” Kylo replied. “I’m not willing to walk away from this, Rey. All my life, I’ve done what others have wanted me to do. For once, _I’m_ deciding what I want. And you’re it, Rey. Question is – do you want the same?”

“Ben…” Rey whispered his name under her breath. “It’s more complicated than that. Even with where we are now. If I was forced to fight you in battle… but… but I couldn’t just abandon the resistance either.”

“I know. Trust me, I know. What happened the other day with my troopers, that isn’t something I can repeat. It’s an unnecessary loss to the First Order-,”

“ _And_ a loss of life.” Rey stressed. Kylo so desperately wanted to point out that he _knew_ that, that he couldn’t stop _thinking_ about that, but he just… couldn’t. Couldn’t let himself admit that to her. “And isn’t that proving my point? What are we going to do if we get caught again? Either by your people, or by mine? It doesn’t matter how careful we are, you can never completely rule out that happening.” Rey continued.

“No, we can’t.” Kylo agreed. “But why would they have anything to suspect, if all they see is you and I in the midst of battle?”

Rey frowned up at him. Didn’t he hear a word she had said earlier? “Ben, I already said, I can’t fight you-,”

“And I can’t fight you.” Kylo quickly continued. “People can be easily fooled, though. I’m quite talented in manipulating people, and you might not want to admit it, but so are you. A few flashy tricks with the help of a Force, a blur of color from our sabers… They’ll be none the wiser.”

“You want us to… fake fight?”

“It’s the only solution.” Kylo stressed. “We can both continue our lives as we were but keep alive this new fire that seems to have sparked between us. I want to see where this takes us, Rey. I want to keep this little piece of happiness to ourselves.”

Rey stared up into those auburn eyes that were locked onto hers with such intensity that he must have committed hers to memory by this point. There was so much desperation hidden within them, all of him laid bare for her to witness, ready to either be elated by her answer, or be completely torn down.

“Okay.” Rey finally answered after a few too many seconds of unbearable silence for Kylo.

“Okay?” Kylo dared to ask.

“Okay.” Rey repeated, a small smile curling at the corner of her lips. “We’ll give the plan a shot. We’ll try and make it work.”

Kylo responded by crushing her into her chest, squeezing one arm around her entire body and delicately holding the back of her head with his other hand. Rey chuckled softly into his shirt, dropping her arms down to reciprocate the gesture and squeeze Kylo tighter. His heart was beating a steady rhythm under her ear, if not a bit faster than usual, and Rey let herself enjoy this brief moment of being held by him without questioning the somewhat flimsy structure to this plan.

They could make it work… right?

**_BEEP. BEEP. BEEP._ **

Rey jumped back from Kylo at the shrilling noise, looking around for the source. Her eyes drifted down to the Holocron attached snugly to her wrist, her heart jumping at the sight of the General’s name along its surface.

 _Kriff,_ how long had it been since her last check-up with the resistance? If she doesn’t answer this now, they’re going to worry. Questions will be asked. They may even try and _track her down_. But this isn’t exactly a call she can make with the Supreme Leader of the First Order in view.

“ _Quick-!”_ Rey hisses at him, shoving Kylo out of the way, much to his immense confusion. Rey kept shoving him until he reached a particularly shadowy corner of the AT-AT that would hopefully keep him concealed from his mother’s sharp sight. “If she sees you, this plan will have failed before it’s even started!”

“If _who_ sees me?” Kylo tried to ask, but received a sharp hush from Rey in response. He does as he’s asked anyway, pushing himself back into the corner as far as he can go. Rey seemed to have a legitimate reason for her worry, so it seemed like this was going to be a ‘do as you’re told and ask questions later’ kind of scenario. He got the feeling it was going to be like that a lot in their relationship…

Rey practically fell into the wobbly wooden stool by her workbench, the chair nearly toppling over in her haste to get seated. She gave a quick glance to Kylo in the corner to her left side, who could only shrug his shoulders at her in response. This could only end poorly…

Rey swiped across the Holocron to accept the call, swallowing nervously to compose herself as General Organa popped into view. Thankfully, it appeared that the General was in her private room, rather than the officer's room, where sensitive information may have been on display. As far as Leia knows, Rey is still isolated on the hardest to reach place in the Galaxy… she would have no reason to have to hide any information.

“Rey…” The General said her name with such warmth that it was impossible for Rey not to smile, even through the nerves churning up her stomach. “It’s good to see you.”

“Good to see you too, General.” Rey replied, letting her eyes wander over to Kylo. Kylo had turned as stiff as a board, that look of indifference he was so efficient at throwing up back on his face. In a blink, he had turned from a normal, emotional person to Kylo Ren. Seeing him like this, she couldn’t help but worry what information Kylo may try to take from this.

“Something wrong, Rey?” The Generals inquisitive voice brought Rey’s attention back to the Holocron. “You seem distracted.”

“Uh, no, I’m fine. I, um… I thought I heard something moving outside, but it’s nothing.” Rey rushed out her response, coming up with an excuse on the fly. “Everything okay back at base?”

“As well as can be.” Leia answered with a somewhat strained smile. “The First Order’s still hot on our heels. We may have to move our base of operations soon, try and throw them off our trail…”

“Finn mentioned that last time.” Rey noted, giving another quick glance over to Kylo, who was showing no reaction to this conversation. “He also said you had gained some new members? How are they settling in?”

“As well as can be, given the circumstances. They’ve been under the First Order’s thumb for so long, nothing more than average citizens… actively fighting against their oppressors instead of simply opposing them in secret is quite a jump in lifestyles.”

“And what of the stormtroopers you took in? Are they still under watch?”

“Not anymore.” Leia answered, and Rey could actually spot a hope-filled smile on the Generals face. “We sent them out on a covert mission recently. Reconnaissance. The more information we can gather from under the First Order’s nose, the better.”

“You’ve sent them _back?_ Isn’t that a bit risky?”

“It won’t be for long.” The General assured her. “And they have full communication with us at all times. This mission wasn’t ordered, it was offered – volunteers only. Each and every one of them stepped up for it. And since we’ve lost our usual source of information-,”

“Wait, what?” Rey interrupted the General, grabbing the edge of the workbench and pulling herself closer. “Are you talking about the spy?”

The words had slipped out of her mouth before she had even had a chance to think them through properly. How could she have _done_ that? How could she have mentioned of the First Order Spy, the one big advantage the resistance had over the First Order, when the _supreme leader_ was stood in the same room?

“They ceased contact with us last week. They usually check in every few days, supply us with some tidbits of information, but now they’ve gone radio silent.” Leia continued, not picking up on Rey’s internal freak-out.

It wasn’t like Rey could just change the subject, at least not without arising Leia’s suspicions. Besides, it was too late to do much more damage than she already had. Kylo now knew there was a spy amongst his ranks. “Do you think something happened to them? Someone in the First Order that could have found out about them?” Rey asked.

“It’s a possibility… to tell you the truth, we simply don’t know. We’re hoping they’ll get back to us in the coming days, but we can't rely on them and their information for everything. We’ll have to find our own ways, which is what we’re doing.”

“Do we have any idea _who_ the spy is?”

“No.” Leia answered. “From the information they’ve given us, it’s either someone high up in their rankings or someone who has a _lot_ of reach. They never even send us the messages themselves – it’s passed along to a middle man who gets the information to us.”

“Maybe there’s a delay with the middle man?” Rey suggested. “Or maybe they’re struggling to find another middle man to pass the information along?”

“Could be, Rey. We can only wait and see.” There was a momentary gap in their conversation, one where Rey suddenly felt like she was under the General’s scrutinizing gaze. “How are _you,_ Rey?”

“I’m… I’m good.”

“That’s it? Just ‘good?’ It can’t be easy being all alone out there.”

Oh, if only she knew…

“It’s not too bad.” Rey answered with a weak smile. “I mean, of course I’m missing you all terribly… as well as missing getting to watch Finn and Poe bumble awkwardly around each other.”

That managed to get a laugh out of the General. “They are rather oblivious, aren’t they? I can’t help but wonder when those two will figure it all out…”

“I’m sure they will one day. Hopefully when the Galaxy is in a more… stable state.”

“Which it will be.” Leia promised. “But… you’re _sure_ you’re alright, Rey? Nothing you need to talk to me about?”

Rey’s heart jumped in her chest, involuntarily looking back over to Kylo once more. Kylo’s face was set in stone, his vision fixed on the Holocron of his mother with a look that made Rey’s chest constrict with fear.

“Nothing that I can think of, General.” Rey answered, hoping Leia couldn’t sense the slight catch to her voice as she spoke.

“Nothing at all?” The General continued to inquire, much to Rey’s annoyance. “Not even the reason why you’ve decided to leave Ahch-To?”

 _Dammit. Dammit, Dammit, Dammit._ It was stupid to assume the General wouldn’t have found out… probably just one look at her surroundings and she would be able to tell something was different… Kylo had finally reacted to their conversation, his eyes darting over to Rey with his eyebrows raised, mouthing the name ‘ _Ahch-To’_ to himself, like he was devoting the same to memory. She had done exactly what she set out _not_ to do – to give away the location of a precious Jedi island to the one man who sought to wipe out anything related to the Jedi.

And yet, that stubborn piece of hope still remained firmly planted in Rey’s chest that it didn’t matter. Because Kylo was changing, wasn’t he? The sudden shift in their relationship had proven that. He knew doing _anything_ to that island would hurt her, and Kylo would never do that to her… right?

“I was actually kind of hoping to keep it a surprise.” Rey had to think on her feet once more, reaching across the workbench to grab hold of her saber which she had discarded when she was doing something that she can’t think about without her face going red and alerting the General once again. “But I suppose now is as good as ever.”

Rey held up her saber to the Holocron for General Organa to see. The older woman's eyes went wide, alight with excitement as she laid eyes on the new weapon. “That isn’t my brother's saber…”

“No, it’s not. It’s mine. Crafted from my old staff and some spare pieces of scrap – which is why I came back home to Jakku. It’s where I am right now, actually. I’ve been working on it for the past few days – completely forgot to check in with you. Sorry…”

The General smiled at Rey’s sheepish apology. “Try not to let yourself get too distracted in the future.” Leia lightly reprimanded her. “But I suppose this is a worthy project to be distracted by… Where did you learn how to do such a thing?”

“The Texts.” Rey’s mind thankfully came up with an answer that made sense. “Your brother had a few Jedi Texts stored in his home that I was able to salvage.”

“The Jedi Texts?” Leia asked in disbelief. “Luke was forever frustrated by those books… We stopped our training before I could ever get to them – he always put them off, saying I needed more experience first, but truthfully I think he still didn’t have a complete grasp on them.”

“I can see why.” Rey replied with a breathy chuckle. “They’re not the easiest of reads.”

“They’re not written to be. Yet, you seem to be handling them quite well.”

“I wouldn’t quite say that.” Rey corrected. “I’m only getting bits and pieces, but it’s slow progress.”

And that was the truth. She hadn’t made _much_ progress with the texts, but there were still _some._ Nothing to do with building sabers of course, that was the lie, but she had come across some interesting subject matters that she wanted to delve deeper into. Something she had never heard of being used before…

“If it’s enough to be able to build a _saber_ by yourself, then I would say you’re doing fine with them.” Leia complimented Rey with a proud smile on her face, which made it all the more painful knowing the lie Rey was feeding to her.

“Thank you, General.” Rey said with a weak smile. “I know you’re all concerned about me, but I promise I’m okay out here. Really. And I’ll always be ready to drop anything and come back to base whenever you need me.”

“Ah… well, you’ve just made the reason for my call a lot easier.”

Rey straightened up at this, feeling her heart rate kick up as she racked her brains for what the General may have meant. “What is it? Is something wrong?”

“Not yet.” Leia answered ominously. “That mission I mentioned earlier? With the troopers undercover? We sent out another unit to accompany then, gather information on a First Order held settlement currently under heavy watch. We believe there’s a contact currently trapped there who could provide us with some more ships.”

“For what price?” Rey asked, because no one ever gave anything for free in war.

“We don’t know yet. That’s why we’re going to send out a scouting unit to see if we safely and efficiently liberate the settlement. I need you to-,”

“It’s better to brief me when I get back, General.” Rey quickly interrupted Leia, cringing at the disrespect. It wasn’t like she had an option, though. Kylo would have heard every detail of the plan from where he was stood. “When we’re face to face, not over this.”

“That’s probably for the best.” General Organa agreed, to Rey’s great relief. “I need you back here in about three days, if you can make that.”

“I can make that.” Rey agreed. “But… are you sure you don’t need me back earlier?”

“I believe you might be a bit of a distraction for the resistance upon your return. I need everyone’s complete focus, especially in the next few coming days.”

This did nothing but pique Rey's interest even more, but she would have to wait until she had returned to the resistance to ask, when there isn’t an extra pair of ears listening in on their conversation. Or at least, that’s what she hoped. She can never entirely control when the Force decides to connect Kylo to her…

“Three days it is, then.” Rey settled on.

“Three days.” Leia repeated in a firm voice. “Keep yourself out of trouble until then, okay?”

Rey couldn’t help but let her eyes drift over to Kylo at that. Keep out of trouble, huh? She was already deep in it…

“I think I can do that.”

* * *

The stillness they found themselves in after the call had ended was stale and uncomfortable, to say the least. Rey had assumed the time after a relationship comes to life would be a bit more light-hearted than this, but then again, you don’t usually receive a call from your new partner's mother – who also happens to be the General of the Resistance, which happens to be opposing the army your new boyfriend is the leader of. They never were going to get a normal start, were they?

“Three days…” Kylo mumbled into the dead air, still hidden away in the corner of the room, having not moved a muscle the few minutes it’s been since the call had ended. “Three days. Then you go back.”

“Seems so.” Rey said in somewhat of a daze, staring down at her hands in her lap.

“Seems important.” Kylo added, finally stepping out of the shadows, illuminated by the streams of light making their way through the damaged ceiling. “Important enough to need a Jedi, anyway.”

“You weren’t supposed to hear any of that.” Rey told him with a strained quality to her voice, already wondering how badly she’s screwed up. “I should have known something like this would happen…”

“It wasn’t really something in your control-,”

“Except it _was._ ” Rey interrupted harshly, more frustrated with herself than anything. “I knew I had to call in, and I let it slip from my mind completely. I _hate_ having to lie to Leia… After all she’s done for me…”

“And I’m sure you’ve done a lot for my mother as well.” Kylo pointed out. “Such as being willing to drop everything and return to her without even knowing what you’re walking into.”

“It’s the least I can do for her. And for the Resistance. I said I’d be there whenever they needed me – I don’t intend to break that promise.” Rey insisted. “I imagine you’ll be called back soon too, then.”

“Most likely.” Kylo concurred. “If the Resistance is planning something that requires you, then my officers will probably be calling me back to base for an urgent meeting.”

“You seem very confident in your officer's ability to know the Resistance’s every move.”

“It’s their job.” Kylo pointed out. “If they couldn’t do their job, they would be replaced.”

Rey snorted sarcastically at him. “Yeah, and I imagine being demoted doesn’t just involve being placed in janitorial staff, does it?”

Kylo didn’t answer that. He let his eyes drop down to the floor, then turned his head away from her completely. Rey wasn’t sure what that meant.

“So… I guess the whole ‘fake fighting plan’ is going to come into play sooner than we expected, huh?”

“Seems that way…” Kylo said in a hushed voice, a surprisingly sad twinge to his voice.

“What are you going to do?” Rey asked him. “Head back to… wherever the First Order is right now?”

Kylo looked back at her now, eyebrows furrowing as he regarded her with a bewildered look. “You’re not leaving for three days.”

“…So?”

“So, neither am I.” Kylo stated like there was no other option. “Every time we separate, we won’t know how long it will be until we get to see each other again. Face to face I mean, not just over the Force. Until I absolutely must go, I will make sure to savor this time I have with you. However long that may be.”

Yep. Rey was _definitely_ in trouble…

“Three days, huh?” Rey asked playfully. “I’m not sure I can handle that much time with you without killing you.”

Nothing brought Rey more pleasure than seeing how hard Kylo was struggling to keep his laughter at bay.

“We’ve made it this far, haven’t we? I think you can handle another three days.”

“I guess we’ll see. Three days… What’s your plans?”

“Not sure about a plan, but… I think a trip to Ahch-To would be nice.”

And just like that, their playful banter had turned to the feeling of someone pouring ice-cold water down her back. She had nearly forgotten about him having heard that part of her and Leia’s conversation… Kylo could easily pick up on the sudden shift in her expression, frowning at the worry he could see on her face.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Rey shot down his suggestion, turning away from him and back to the workbench. She picked her saber back up, finding it was easier to stare down at it rather than look into Kylo’s disappointed and pained eyes.

“You really don’t trust me at all, do you?”

Nope, never mind. The hurt in his voice was _so_ much worse.

“This is more than just trust.” Rey argued, placing the saber back down and forcing herself to look at him. “Ahch-To, it’s… it’s the only connection I truly have left to the light, to the Jedi. It’s where my path truly began. I would be betraying Luke by risking its location. Even you knowing the name is more than I should have given…”

“That still doesn’t explain why you don’t want _me_ there.”

“It’s not _you_ specifically, Ben!” Rey snapped in her frustration. “If the First Order found out-,”

“Why would they find out?”

“Because…” Because why would they? Unless, as Kylo said, she didn’t trust him? She supposed that was the question, wasn’t it? Would Kylo find a use for Ahch-To that the First Order could benefit from? Did she somehow assume that Kylo’s presence would be enough to somehow taint the island? That seemed ridiculous, now she thinks about it… But still, it felt… wrong. Ahch-To was the shelter for the light, the one place of respite for the Jedi. There must have been thousands upon thousands of years of history on that island, of the many Jedi that once stepped foot on that island that have been long forgotten to history. It seems much too disrespectful for her to purposefully bring the one man who’s set on _ending_ the Jedi….

“Let me show you something.” Kylo’s gentle voice brought Rey out of her thoughts. He gestured with his head as he stepped away, leading her over to the make-shift couch he had sat upon the night before.

Rey waited for Kylo to sit down before taking her own seat, shifting so she was facing him. Kylo leaned towards her, ducking his head to meet her eyes and make sure her line of sight was focused on him.

“You remember the first time we spoke face to face?” He asked her.

“You mean in the interrogation chair?” Rey asked, and wow, their relationship really did start oddly, didn’t it?

“Yes. You may recall how I tried to search through your mind for the answers I was searching for. And then you threw everything off by searching through _my_ mind.” Kylo said, waiting for Rey’s nod in response before he continued. “I want you to do that to me again, Rey.”

Rey glanced down to see Kylo was offering his hand to her, his black gloves removed to reveal tanned and weathered skin, his palm facing towards her. Timidly, Rey stretched out her own hand, softly placing her hand down into his. Her fingers curled around the back of his hand the same time as his fingers wrapped around hers, swiping a calloused thumb tenderly over her knuckles. The second her skin touched his, everything seemed to melt away. Kylo had her full focus, like all of her senses were tuned into _him_ , and him alone. 

“Ask me something, Rey. I’ll give you my answer, and then you search within my mind. Find out If I answered truthfully. For someone of your abilities, it should be no problem.”

Rey nodded, letting her eyes flutter shut and taking a deep breath in to prepare herself. She exhaled slowly, feeling everything that surrounded her. The searing wind of Jakku batting against the baked metal of her AT-AT, the sound of hairless rats scurrying in underground tunnels miles and miles away, the bustling activity of the rare settlements scattered around the desert. The energy of it all existed around her, within her, _was_ her.

And there was Kylo. Somehow nothing like her, and yet _entwined_ with her. He was like a pulsating, glowing beacon within her vision, a mass of brilliant white with veins of jet black sneaking through, clinging to him like vines, digging in hard and refusing to relinquish their grip. It was reaching out to her, twirling around her, letting itself brush along her but never quite being able to hold on. Looking at him now, she knew him like she knew herself. There was nothing he could hide from her, and the fact that he was so willingly baring himself to her like this was a show of trust she couldn’t even begin to grasp.

“Do you still love your mother?”

“Yes.” Kylo answered immediately, a muscle under his right eye twitching as he answered. Something about the weird, glazed look in Kylo’s eyes made her uneasy as the words poured out of him. “I always saw my inability to cut my ties with my parents to be my biggest failure. Killing my father did nothing to solidify my allegiance to the Dark, it just left me empty and torn in two. I know the path I’m on will only lead to either my death or my mother’s. If it’s the second, I don’t know if I’ll be able to be the one to do it.”

This was… weird. She didn’t need to search within him to see if he was telling the truth. Rather, the truth seemed to be spilling out from him, perhaps even without his consent. It was… it was kind of like Kylo wasn’t _really_ there, pushed to the back of his mind as she pulled whatever she needed out from him.

It was weird, and it was uncomfortable, and she knew deep down that she shouldn’t be doing this. But she couldn’t help but ask him one last question…

“Are you still drawn to the light?”

“Every day.” Kylo answered with just two simple words, but it was all Rey needed to hear. In a snap, the dream-like daze on Kylo’s face was gone. His eyes cleared and focused, jumping back into the pilot's seat – more like _forcing_ himself back into the pilot's seat – the skin around his face tightening as he clenched his jaw. He ripped his hand out of her grasp like she had burnt him, a wary and surprised look coming into place.

“It’s not very fair of you to take advantage of my trust when you’re not willing to give me the tiniest bit of yours.” Kylo muttered darkly, somehow looking at her both in disappointment and in awe of her power.

“I… I don’t know what came over me, I just… I couldn’t stop myself.”

Kylo glanced up at her as he rubbed at his hand, brushing over the patches of skin where Rey had touched him. Strangely, Rey could also feel a hot, tingling sensation like burning ants running under her skin, only on the spots where Kylo had curled his fingers around her hand.

“You got what you wanted though, didn’t you?” Kylo asked, pulling his glove back out from his pocket.

“I… Yes, actually. I think I did.”

Kylo snapped his glove back into place, raising a brow in question as he looked up to Rey, who had swiftly stood from the couch. His eyes followed her as she headed over to her workbench, grabbing her saber from the table and attaching it securely to the holder on her side. She turned back to face Kylo, gesturing her head at him like he had done not too long ago.

“Three days left together… and I’ve already spent longer on my old home than I wanted to. You’re right- I don’t trust Kylo Ren. But I do trust Ben Solo. I trust that man to come to Ahch-To with me, to keep the location of this sacred place hidden from _anyone._ I want to spend those three days with you, Ben. But it’s not my decision whether you come to Ahch-To with me. It’s yours. So, tell me – am I going back to Ahch-To alone?”

Kylo responded by standing from the couch, reaching her side in only a few steps and kissing her like they had done it a thousand times before. She doesn’t think she’ll ever get used to the swooping sensation in her stomach whenever his lips are on hers, and she hopes she never does. Rey’s in so much trouble… and she can’t find herself to care.

Kylo broke away, running his hands up from her forearms to her shoulders and giving them a tender squeeze. “I told you I’d be there every step of the way, didn’t I?”


	10. A Slice Of Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The air left Rey’s lungs in a big ‘whoosh’ as she slammed down into the dirt, her body trying to decide whether the dull ache in her spine or the boot that had just connected squarely with her stomach was what was causing her the most pain right now. She let her eyes shut with a pained groan, waiting for her brain to stop rattling around in her skull before she dared to open them.
> 
> “You’re fast,” Kylo’s voice came from somewhere above to her. She peeked an eye open to see him leaning over her, that smug look of authority plastered to his face. “-But you’re relying on that too much. Strengths are good, but you show too much of it to your enemy and they’ll find a way to turn it into your weakness.”
> 
> Rey weakly glared up at him through the pain, taking his leather-clad hand once he offered it to her. She groaned again, the stretch of being pulled up to her feet making the muscles in her abdomen twinge in protest. “Yeah? You know what else my weaknesses are? Being kicked in the stomach…”

The first time Kylo got to physically step foot on Ahch-To wasn’t the best impression of the island. Rey had pictured him walking off his ship to be greeted by glorious rays of sunlight as he took his first step onto the radiant emerald green grass of the island, staring out to the churning ocean atop the rocky terrain; taking in the absolute _beauty_ of this island.

Instead, they breached the atmosphere of Ahch-To and found their ships immediately battered by torrential rain that fell so heavy, they could barely see five feet past their windshield. The torrential rain came with equally severe winds that made for a _very_ rocky landing indeed, nearly throwing her off course when she had reduced the engine's power.

Kylo had trailed behind her in his own ship, not feeling very comfortable with leaving it behind on Jakku (and if Rey was being honest, she didn’t really fancy another trip to Jakku to drop him back off, and _then_ having to fly back to the Resistance base after). She did briefly worry as she landed whether Kylo was going to be able to safely land too in these harsh conditions, but he proves to be a capable pilot as he comes to a near-perfect landing beside her, with only a few shakes and corrections as he comes down.

There wasn’t much time for taking in the sights of the Island. The rain hit hard against Rey’s skin as she stepped off the Falcon, watching Kylo step from his ship with a hand raised to his face as a shield against the pouring rain and ice-cold wind that whipped around him. Rey offered out a hand for him to take, which he took without questioning – not like they would be able to hear a word from each other in this howling wind anyway. Rey led the way as they ran towards shelter, continually having to wipe their eyes clear to have any chance of being able to actually _see_ where they were going.

It took uncomfortably long for the rocky huts to come into sight, picking up their pace as soon as they laid eyes on them. There wasn’t a caretaker in sight, which wasn’t much of a surprise. Only _they_ were crazy enough to be outside in such a storm. The two of them ducked through the blanket that acted as the door, letting out a sigh of relief as they escaped the rain. Kylo could still hear the rain pounding against the stones that made up their shelter, and he hoped they were built sturdy enough that this storm wouldn’t collapse it.

“This wasn’t quite the paradise I was expecting,” Kylo was the first to speak, eliciting a snort of laughter from Rey that surprised them both.

“Yeah, well, let’s just hope this rain doesn’t last the whole time we’re here,” Rey threw her soaked bag next to the ‘bed’ (by which she means a slab of rock that she has to pile blankets on to make it at least somewhat comfortable to sleep in). “We should probably get a fire going, or we’ll freeze.”

Kylo turned around to look to the pit in the center of the room Rey had gestured to - nothing much in there but a pile of burnt ashes from its last use. “We don’t seem to have much luck with storms, do we?”

Rey exhaled sharply from her nose in laughter, bending over to pick out a few logs she had stored in here before she left. “Perhaps the Universe is sending us a sign? It doesn’t seem to like when we’re close together.”

“I’m used to having obstacles thrown my way. I’ll believe the Universe doesn’t want us together when I get struck down by lightning.”

“Don’t speak too soon,” Rey threw over her shoulder as she stood. “With our luck, that’s exactly what will happen.”

Rey dropped the dry logs into the fire pit, bending back down again to spread the logs out until she was satisfied with how they were laid out. Kylo had taken a seat atop the bed, shaking his drenched hair loose of excess water.

“Really? You’re going to sit on the fresh blankets with _soaking_ clothes?” Rey asked him in disbelief as she stood from the fire pit.

“There isn’t really anywhere else to sit,” Kylo pointed out, struggling to pull off his drenched gloves that were sticking to his skin. “And I’d rather not sit on those pots again. They were _very_ uncomfortable.”

Rey rolled her eyes at him, her back to him as she rummaged through the shelf for the handy little flint and steel contraption Luke had gifted her which she used for starting fires. “You’ll be happy to know they were destroyed by another storm the night Luke caught me and you in my old hut. Turns out that fragile pottery doesn’t last exceptionally long in a storm when the shelter they were in has been blown apart.”

“You say that like it’s my fault,” Kylo noted her bitter tone. “ _I_ wasn’t the one who made your hut explode.”

“Well, you managed to upset Master Skywalker so much that just the _sight_ of you made him lose control and tore my hut apart, so it’s kind of your fault.”

Kylo half-heartedly glared at Rey as she walked back over to the fire pit. “He didn’t like that we were getting close. I can only imagine what he thinks of us now…”

“I think he’d be glad,” Rey thought out loud.

Kylo raised an eyebrow in his surprise. “You do, do you?”

“He begged me not to go to you that night, but… something changed whilst I was gone. I don’t know what, but… he was a different man when he faced you on Crait.”

“Not different,” Kylo disagreed. “The man you met here, that wasn’t my uncle. He had become nothing more than an old man full of regrets. A shell of the legend he once was. When he projected himself onto Crait to face me?” Kylo paused briefly to chuckle humorlessly. “Now _that_ was Luke Skywalker. He was back, if only for a short time.”

Rey held the flint and steel contraption over the wood, ready for a good few frustrating attempts of getting a spark out of this thing when an idea, or more specifically a memory, came to mind. She discarded the contraption to the side for a moment, unclipping her new saber from her belt and spinning the ignition wheel. The two of them squinted at the blinding golden light that filled the murky darkness of the hut, blinking rapidly to try and clear their vision. Kylo felt an odd sense of pride swell in his chest as Rey thrust her saber into the fire pit, knowing _exactly_ where she had got the idea to do that from. Within seconds, the intense heat of the saber caused the logs to catch alight, a small plume of smoke within the pile quickly turning into a roaring fire within a few seconds.

“That’s much more efficient,” Rey said happily, stepping away from the fire to get away from the blistering heat. She collapsed down onto the bed next to Kylo, where they were a comfortable distance away from the fire that it bathed them in its soothing warmth.

“You’re sitting on the blankets with wet clothes,” Kylo said mockingly, shuffling closer until his shoulders were rubbing against hers.

“You’ve already ruined them,” Rey pointed out, leaning into his warmth. “Besides, _I’m_ the one who started the fire while you sat and watched. I think I can decide whether to ruin my own blankets or not.”

“I’m not sure that argument works, but sure,” Kylo said, playfully nudging her shoulder. He looked into the flickering flames of the fire, then let his eyes wander up towards the rocky ceiling of the hut. “This is a familiar sight, huh?”

“I’m almost expecting Master Skywalker to burst in here any minute,” Rey replied with a twinge of sadness. “And now, you’re actually _here._ Not just over the Force, but right next to me.”

“Wasn’t it raining that night, too?” Kylo asked, turning his head to the side to face Rey. “I swear I can remember the sound of rain outside the hut…”

“Oh, it was definitely raining. I remember,” Rey backed up his claim. “I was already soaked from that awful cave. I got out and was _immediately_ drenched by the rain. I had only just begun to warm up next to the fire with you when Master Skywalker blew the hut apart…”

The sky had already begun to darken when they were racing to the huts, and with the constant rainfall and stormy clouds outside, it both looked and very much felt like nightfall. Rey stifled a yawn behind her hand, the excitement of the past few days catching up to her.

“You’re tired,” Kylo’s words seemed poised as a question, but it was more of a fact than anything.

“I’m fine,” Rey waved him off, fighting back another yawn. “It’s still early.”

“You don’t have to pretend. Besides, it’s not like we’re going to get much more use out of today with this weather.”

“I suppose so… It just feels like a waste of the day.”

“Think of it this way – we can either stay awake now with nothing to do because of the storm, or we can cut our losses and head to bed, wake up early and, hopefully, will be greeted by good weather for the early start to the day.”

Rey supposed that Kylo’s suggestion did make the most sense… and she’d be lying if she said the idea of curling up under her blankets and falling into a deep slumber wasn’t an alluring thought…

“Alright, alright, you’ve won,” Rey gave in. “I’m too tired to argue, anyway…”

Even as Rey slipped under the blankets, shifting to get comfortable on the hard rock, it didn’t cross her mind the thought of where _Kylo_ was going to sleep. She had just sort of assumed that, with the change of the relationship, they would be sharing the bed. Instead, she was left surprised as Kylo tucked her into the blankets, which in itself was an action more tending and caring than she ever expected from him. Then, he had planted a soft kiss on her forehead and, with a hushed and whispered farewell, Kylo had disappeared behind the curtain door and slipped out of the hut.

At first, Rey had worried over whether Kylo had decided to sleep on his own ship for the night, as it would have been incredibly dangerous and stupidly foolish to try and make it back to his ship _alone_ , in the _dark_ , in the middle of a _storm._ One wrong step on those slippery stone steps and Kylo would find himself tumbling down that sharp and jagged mountainside and into the churning, raging sea below. It didn’t matter how powerful Kylo believed he was – that was pretty much a guaranteed death sentence.

Her worries are for naught however, as past the curtain covered window high on the wall of the hut, she can see a faint flickering light emitting from one of the other huts. It seems that Kylo had claimed one of the huts for his own – Rey hoped it wasn’t Lukes, as she was sure _that_ would be enough for Master Skywalker to return as a Force Ghost to chase Kylo out of his old home.

Rey couldn’t help but question why Kylo hadn’t stayed for the night. At the very least, they could have shared the same hut, couldn’t they? Though, she knew Kylo had that thing about sleeping alone, and she understood that – she still wasn’t entirely used to sleeping with company yet; and especially knowing what happened to Kylo with Luke… maybe it was just that. A new place, where his Uncle had lived for years. He was probably just feeling uneasy about it and felt more comfortable finding his own place to rest for the night. It wasn’t anything to do with her.

Right?

* * *

The sky above was littered with stars, twinkling lights that seemed to pulsate with energy. Rey wasn’t sure why, but she wasn’t questioning how she had seemingly teleported from her bed to the outcrop along the cliffside. Nor was she questioning the fact that it was quite clearly deep into the night, yet the sun still shone high in the sky, replacing the usual cold chill of the evening with a pleasant warmth that brushed across her skin.

“I hope you know what you’re doing, Rey.”

Master Skywalker stood next to her, his long grey robes flowing elegantly behind him as the warm breeze blew past. His aged face looked much more refreshed than the last time she had seen him, less… tired. He hadn’t walked up to her, sat cross-legged on the rockface. He had just appeared there. And yet, for some reason, her mind found this completely normal.

“Not in the slightest,” Rey answered her old mentor, an overwhelming feeling of calmness washing over her.

“Sounds about right,” Luke retorted after a brief lull. “Well, he hasn’t gone to seek out the cave just yet. I suppose that’s a good sign.”

“He knows that I’d kick him off this planet if he did something like that. I don’t think he’d risk it.”

A small smile hitched at the corner of Luke’s lips. “And you think he’d go willingly?”

“I wouldn’t give him much of a choice otherwise.”

Luke chuckled deeply, still staring out to the horizon. “Good. Glad to know _someone’s_ still protecting this old place. I just hope you bringing him here won’t be a mistake.”

“I don’t think it will be,” Rey answered honestly. “He’s changed, Master. He really has. Not _much_ , but… He’s not the man I first met in those woods on Takodana.”

“Oh, I know,” Luke responded, and Rey raised an eyebrow at the oddly playful tone to his voice. “Quite the change… Though, I imagine it would have been much harder to be locking lips with you when he still had that mask on.”

Rey didn’t need to see herself to know her cheeks had turned a bright red, able to feel the warmth that comes with the rush of blood to her skin. She glanced over to her former master, who looked to be smothering a knowing smile. “You know about that?”

“I am in your head,” Luke pointed out. “I know all you know.”

That’s when it clicked, as she stared up at the shining sun amongst the dark backdrop of night. This was a dream. Nothing more than that. “Is there much point in me asking you for advice then? Surely I’m just… asking myself?”

“You could see it that way,” Luke answered. “Or, you could see it as me appearing to you as the non-biased thoughts in your mind; visualizing them in a way that your… _affection…_ for my nephew no longer clouds your judgment.”

Rey didn’t respond for a while, just looked out to the flickering sun reflecting along the oddly still waters of Ahch-To. Luke turned his head just slightly to glance over at her from the corner of his eye, speaking when he got no response. “ _Was_ there something you wanted advice for?”

“I’m not sure,” Rey said quietly, keeping her eyes trained forward.

“I think there is,” Luke countered. “And I think you don’t want to ask it because you already know the answer. And you don’t like that answer.”

“Yeah?” Rey said somewhat snarkily, proving Luke’s point. “And what is that?”

“That you know this plan of yours isn’t going to work.”

Rey took a deep breath in, slowly turning her head to face Luke. He had turned his head too, eyeing her cautiously. “You don’t know that. No one knows how this could end up.”

“Do you really think questions won’t be asked? Maybe the first time, the first fight, you might get away with it. But what happens in the next fight? You two clash, and… you both just walk away from each other? You’re going to keep doing that over and over again, until the end of the war? _If_ it ever ends?”

“It’s just a temporary solution,” Rey brushed him off. “We’ll find another way.”

“Is that other way somehow getting Ben to turn back to the light?”

“You never know-,”

“And neither do you,” Luke interrupted softly. “You have a lot of faith in him. A lot more than others care to give. Rey, I’m not doing this to… to _spite you_. I want you to think carefully about your devotion to him.”

“What’s there to think about?”

“The worst possible situation. What are you going to do if this plan doesn’t work, Rey? What if, the Resistance win the war? Or, even if the First Order wins the war? Will you be able to kill him, if it comes to it?”

“Yes.” _Lies_.

Rey knew the silence after his answer meant that Luke knew she was lying. “Have you ever fallen in love, Rey?”

Rey’s breath caught in her throat, her heart thudding hard against her ribcage. “No.”

“Then you can’t answer that question truthfully,” Luke had stepped closer to her now, laying a comforting hand on her shoulder. “The bond you two have, it’s like no other I’ve ever seen. Not in my lifetime. And who knows, maybe things will go the way you want them to. But you have to ask yourself - is it worth the pain, the heartbreak, of falling for someone who you may have to kill?”

“I’m not giving up on him,” Rey said determinedly. “I’m not giving up on him, like so many others have. There’s _good_ in him. I’ve _seen_ that good. I’m _better, with_ him. I’m not letting that go… I’m not letting _him_ go.”

“And that’s your decision,” Luke said calmly. “And now you know how you truly feel about it. You’ll always have these doubts, Rey. It’s good to have those doubts, it means you’ll be more prepared for that worst-case scenario. There’s not much I can say to you, other than to be _careful._ ”

“I will ” Rey promised him. “We will.”

Luke’s hand slid away from her shoulder, an unusually fond look on the older man's face. “And you keep hold of your faith in him, Rey. Someone has to.”

* * *

The dawn of the new day brought with it clear skies painted with a gorgeous palette of reds, oranges, and yellows. Quite a far sight from the stormy gray clouds that encompassed the sky last night.

Rey stretched happily in the glow of the rising sun, pulling her arms behind her back until they gave a satisfying ‘pop’ and ‘crack'. She felt a small smile etch across her face at the sight of a family of porgs flying by, their tiny wings flapping hard to keep their chunky bodies in the air.

“Those things are incredibly annoying,” Kylo's voice came from somewhere off to Rey’s side, turning her head to see him leaning against the doorway of the hut with the curtain pushed over his shoulder. He pushed off from the wall once she caught sight of him, striding over to her side and joining her in watching the little bird-like creatures fly by.

“They were squeaking outside my window all night. I’m surprised you didn’t hear them, either.” Kylo continued, weakly glaring down at a particularly young porg that had landed by his feet, which had begun curiously sniffing around the new visitor of the island. “What even _are_ these things?”

“Master Skywalker called them ‘Porgs’,” Rey answered, bending down and reaching out a hand to the brave porg that had started kicking at Kylo's boots. “They’re native to the island, perhaps even the entire planet. Harmless, mostly.”

“ _Mostly?”_

“A few of them snuck into the Falcon,” Rey told him with barely contained laughter. “Chewie will attest that it's much more difficult to pilot a ship when you’ve got a few of these guys walking around the console and screaming at you.”

“Hmph. I'll make sure to keep my shuttle sealed, then...” Kylo concluded, bending down to match Rey's stance, and then began to curiously study the creature. He placed a hand inside his robes, pulling out a small, silver foiled packet. Pulling it apart revealed a dry, crumbly and unappetizing biscuit of some sort that Rey assumed to be the First Orders equivalent of rations. Kylo crumbled the biscuit into minuscule pieces in his fist, and then offered out his hand to the Porg.

Predictably, the Porg immediately lost interest in Rey's hand for the one with food in it. Rey chuckled as the Porg happily shuffled over to Kylo's outstretched hand, barely giving the food a few cautionary sniffs before promptly shoving its face into the crumbs and chowing down.

“This feels weird,” Kylo informs her, the look of discomfort on his face reflecting his words.

“Let’s just hope they don’t have toxic saliva or something like that,” Rey said, receiving a half-amused, half ‘wait, you’re joking, right?’ look from Kylo.

The Porg made quick work of its impromptu snack, chirping happily up at Kylo once the last of the crumbs had been picked clean from his hand. Kylo cautiously pushes his hand toward the young creature, pausing when it squawked in surprise at the movement. When it didn’t move away, Kylo gently touched his fingers to the Porgs silky feathers. The Porg made the closest thing to a ‘purr' Rey thinks she's ever heard from them, smiling brightly when the Porg closes its eyes in apparent bliss and leaned further into Kylo’s touch.

“I think they like you,” Rey said.

“Apparently the secret to most creatures hearts is through food,” Kylo replied. “I think I’ve heard a similar saying to that, once.”

“Sounds familiar,” Rey agreed. The Porg seemed to have decided it was done with being petted, hopping away from Kylo's touch with another piercing squawk, flapping its wings up at them before taking off into the skies to join back with its flock.

“Does that mean it'll work on you too, then?” Kylo turned his head to ask her, still crouched down low to the ground.

“Hmmm...” Rey played along, tapping a finger under her chin as if in deep thought. “I suppose it depends on the food.”

“I'm afraid I don’t have much culinary experience,” Kylo stood up straight, offering a hand for her to stand. “Though I have some combat experience to share if you want it?”

Rey grinned up at him, clasping her hand in his and let herself be yanked up to her feet. “Now _that_ seems more like it.”

* * *

It wasn’t too long after that Kylo offered her his hand again. Though, not quite as nicely.

The air left Rey’s lungs in a big ‘whoosh’ as she slammed down into the dirt, her body trying to decide whether the dull ache in her spine or the boot that had just connected squarely with her stomach was what was causing her the most pain right now. She let her eyes shut with a pained groan, waiting for her brain to stop rattling around in her skull before she dared to open them.

“You’re fast,” Kylo’s voice came from somewhere above to her. She peeked an eye open to see him leaning over her, that smug look of authority plastered to his face. “-But you’re relying on that too much. Strengths are good, but you show too much of it to your enemy and they’ll find a way to turn it into your weakness.”

Rey weakly glared up at him through the pain, taking his leather-clad hand once he offered it to her. She groaned again, the stretch of being pulled up to her feet making the muscles in her abdomen twinge in protest. “Yeah? You know what else my weaknesses are? Being kicked in the stomach…”

“You gave me an opening. I took it. You expect others to go easy on you in combat?”

“Fine,” Rey wiped at the back of her sleeves, trying to get off some of the dried mud that was also likely caked across the back of her shirt. “What do you suggest I do otherwise?”

Kylo raised a hand to point at the extinguished saber in her hand. “See that weapon you’re holding? Use it.”

“I _am_ using it!” Rey snapped, frustrated by his whimsical teachings. Seemed he had more in common with his Uncle than she thought…

“You’re using it as a weapon,” Kylo replied, like that helped in the slightest. Of _course_ she was using it as a weapon, that’s what it was! “That saber is more than a weapon, so don’t treat it as such.”

Kylo flicked the ignition switch to his saber, the main blade bursting into life, followed by the side blades a few moments later. He held the saber loosely in his hands, pointed down towards the ground. “What’s in my hands right now? It’s not a saber. I’m not treating it as such. It’s as much a part of me as I am myself, as the Force is within me. It’s an extension of my body. It’s not just a weapon; it’s my shield, it is was what anchors me to the Force, it _is_ me. And I shall treat it as such.”

Rey glanced down to her weapon, squeezing her fingers tight around its well-worn hilt. Her saber had once been her staff, the only weapon she had to defend herself for most of her life. She knew how to use it – as a staff. It wasn’t a staff anymore, though. She had to stop thinking it was.

Rey flicked the ignition wheel to the side, an eruption of golden light spilling from the saber. She brought it up in front of her, peering at Kylo over the searing light. She nodded her head once, signaling that she was ready. Kylo’s demeanor instantly changed, planting his feet and spinning his saber around in his hand to hold the blade diagonally across his body. But he didn’t move past that. He stood still, eyes focused on her like a hawk, the crackling of his saber mixed with the steady hum of her’s keeping the air alight with the sound of pure power.

She shouldn’t move first. She had learned that from _him,_ actually. But the way Kylo was stood as still as a statue, staring her down like that… It was unnerving, and also kind of distracting…

Kylo finally moved, and Rey had to clench her muscles so tight to prevent herself from flinching. He took a single step to the side, slowly shifting his body to the right of her. Rey instinctively stepped to the left, moving in the opposite direction as to keep Kylo straight in front of her at all times. Kylo nodded appreciatively at her, and she knew she had done something right. Perhaps she should rely on her instincts more often. They have to be there for a reason, right?

Kylo may have relied mostly on his strength, but he could move _fast_ when he wanted to. One second, he was crawling along at a snail's pace as he circled her, the next he was charging at her with booming strides, the red glow of his saber growing brighter and brighter in a split second. He swung at her with his saber, but instead of slashing along diagonally like Rey was expecting, he had suddenly swung his saber up behind him and forced it down with considerable force. Rey only had a second to switch her position, holding up her saber above her head just before Kylo’s saber would certainly slice her in half. Her forearms and shoulders jolted with the force of the hit, sliding away to Kylo’s side and flinging her saber down to deflect his saber away from her. They both turned at the same time, though Rey was quicker, swinging her saber horizontally. Kylo didn’t deflect the hit, instead ducking down just in time, the ends of a few strands of hair sizzling away as they connected with her saber.

This was… more intense than she was expecting. They weren’t actively _trying_ to kill each other. At least, she wasn’t trying to kill him. But a few of these swings sure were cutting it close… Then again, it wasn’t like they would be able to ‘play it safe’ if… _when_ they’re forced to fake fight in front of _everyone_ else. It needs to look as realistic as possible if they want to make it work – and they can't do that without taking a few risks.

Kylo was back to his feet in a flash, pushing into her space with his lightsaber held close to his chest. Rey brought up her own saber, flinching away from the sparks that flew off from where they connected, the mix of yellow and red light almost blinding. Rey’s feet were planted to the ground, but it didn’t matter. Kylo had the weight on her, and the force of him pushing against her was immense. No matter how much she tried to push back against him, he wouldn’t budge in the slightest; she may as well have been trying to push against one of the stone huts. Inevitably, she had to step back to avoid falling straight back down on her back again. Then another step. Then another. And another. And then she was _dangerously_ close to the cliffside, the crashing waves below seeming like a hungry creature snapping its jaws as it awaits its prey.

Rey couldn’t step back any further - unless she wanted to take her chances with the ocean and sharp rocks below. She only hesitated for a moment before stepping off to the side again, giving one last push to get Kylo’s saber out of her reach. As Kylo spun to face her, she kicked out a leg just as he had, hoping to connect _somewhere_ on his body to give her an advantage. Instead, she found her foot frozen in the air, Kylo’s hand-held outstretched with a knowing smirk on his face. With a pull of the Force, Rey found herself tugged in his direction. As her foot came back down to the ground, she swung her free hand to try and disorient him – not many people expect a fistfight between two Force Users with their own sabers.

Except for Kylo, apparently.

He caught her attack once more, though with his hand this time, Her hand was engulfed in his, and Kylo twisted her arm painfully until she was spun around, her arm pinned to her back. Rey dropped her saber to the ground in a mixture of shock and pain, the saber extinguishing the second it had left her hand and landing in the mud with a soft ‘thud’.

“You’re too predictable…” Kylo leaned forward to speak softly in her ear, his breath tickling the back of her neck. “You speak too much of your actions with your body… One look and I can see your every move…”

Rey hoped to prove him wrong by surprising him with a backward kick. She was the one proven wrong however when her leg connected with the solid muscle of his thigh as he jutted out a knee to block her attack. In a flash, Kylo had forced his entire weight down onto her until her legs had given out, landing face-down in the mud with a pained grunt, her arm twitching uncomfortably from being held unnaturally for so long.

“Told you things would be different when I wasn’t injured.” The gloating tone in Kylo’s voice made the sting of losing all the more painful.

Rey jolted her body to try and push him off her, but Kylo didn’t move at all. “Get off me,” She growled up at him, and just like that, Kylo had sprung up to his feet and off her back. Rey winced as she brought her arm back around to her front, pushing herself up from the mud and onto her feet, ignoring the hand that Kylo had offered to her.

Kylo’s mouth thinned at the obvious agitation that rolled off of Rey like waves, dropping his hand away and watching her with worry as she once again had to wipe the mud off her clothing. “I don’t want to be so hard on you, Rey. I just want to make sure you’re ready.”

“By teaching me the way Snoke taught you?” Rey snapped back at him, the mention of his old mentor making Kylo tense up. “I think I’m starting to understand why you’re so pissy with the Galaxy now…”

“That’s not…” Kylo had begun to argue, but the argument died away the second he saw Rey rubbing at the arm he had pinned behind her, a clear look of distress flashing across her face as she prodded at her arm.

They could both feel the anger and frustration just… melt away. Kylo stepped closer to her, placing a hand on her arm with a touch so gentle, she almost didn’t feel it. It was hard to stay mad at him – not when she could already see from the look of his face how much he was tormenting himself over what he had done. She didn’t need to search inside his mind to know that.

“Are you okay?” Kylo rubbed a comforting hand down her arm, the soft touch almost soothing.

“I will be,” Rey answered truthfully. Injuries such as these would be gone after a good night’s rest, that she knew from experience. “Just need to take it easy for a bit.”

Rey sighed in her frustration, dropping her hand away from her sore arm with a shake of her head. “It’s... You know what, you’re right.”

That was the furthest from what Kylo was expecting for Rey to say, and he was sure the look on his face reflected that. “I... am?”

“You shouldn’t go easy on me. You _can’t._ If I’m expecting people to believe that I can single-handedly take on you, who has _years_ more experience than I do, then... I need to get better. And that’s not going to happen if you treat me like I’m fragile.”

“But I can treat you like you’re not my enemy. It's... more difficult than I expected to get out of that mindset, especially during combat.”

“No, no it's best that you do.” Rey countered him. “You’re going to have to treat me like your enemy when we're out _there,_ and I'll have to fight back like you are. The only way that’ll happen is if you show me _here_. At least then I'll be prepared for...”

“The real _fake_ thing?”

Rey groans, turning around to scoop up her saber from the ground and curtly stuff it back into the satchel sat snugly by her waist. “Why does it have to be so complicated with us...”

Kylo attached his saber back to his belt after seeing Rey put away hers, a small sad frown etched on his face at the equally distressed frown on Rey's. “Because it's _us_. Sure, it'd be nice if it’s easy. But easy doesn’t always mean it's better. Easy would mean we would never have crossed paths. And if that’s the case, then I don’t want ‘ _easy’._ Give me this. Give me _us._ And I'll find a way to make it work.”

Rey smiled warmly up at him, stepping towards him and burrowing her head into his chest. Her arms came up to wrap around his waist the same time his came up to rest across her back, snuggling into the warmth of his body, protected against the cold chill of the wind.

There was something about knowing how _determined_ he was to keep their relationship alive that gave Rey pause. It was different. _He_ was different. Master Skywalker, or, her mind - she still wasn’t entirely sure _what_ that was – had been trying to convince her that this wouldn’t work out. But seeing him now… This wasn’t Kylo Ren, was it? That man would never have pressed his lips to hers as softly as he had on Jakku. That man would never have looked like a kicked puppy after hurting her – he probably would have gloated about getting a shot in on her. So yes, this certainly wasn’t the same man.

But was it Ben Solo?

Well, she supposed _that_ was the question.

“Come on,” Rey pulled out of their embrace, keeping her hand clasped securely in his. “Better not waste the rest of the day, right?”

Kylo looked around curiously at the island at this, scanning for any semblance of a task they apparently were required to do. His eyes landed back on her, arching a brow in questioning. “What else is there for us to do?”

Rey rolled her eyes at him, tugging at his hand to try and lead him down the somewhat slippery path ahead of them. “Afraid it’s not like back on your ship where your soldiers come to your every beck and call.”

“…Which means…?”

“Which _means_ … I’m guessing you want to eat at some point today?”

“I… assumed that was a given?”

Rey snorted, feeling a slight blossom of irritation curl in her gut. Seems that some people never know what it’s like to go hungry… “Well, you want to eat? We need to catch our meal.”

“…Catch?”

* * *

“Ah. This explains that fish incident…” Kylo stood with his leading foot as close to the edge of the cliff as he dared, peering over at the plunging drop below. “Isn’t there someplace more efficient and less hazardous to fish from?”

“This is the only place Luke showed me.” Rey shrugged her shoulders at him, grabbing hold of the ancient wooden spear/vaulting pole hybrid from the cliffside. “I assumed this was the only place this species of fish came to feed.”

“And… how exactly did my Uncle teach you how to fish?” Kylo’s eyes glanced from Rey to the spear she held in her hands, trying to formulate how the two will go together.

“A bit like this.” Rey planted the spear down hard into the sea, waiting to feel the hard ‘thunk’ of the spear hitting the sea-bed below. She gave it a few experimental twists to make sure it was secure and had no chance of slipping. Just as she prepared herself to run and vault, her feet moments away from launching her forward, Rey could see the lightbulb appear over Kylo’s head, and the realization of what she was about to do truly sunk into his mind.

“Rey,-“ He tried to voice his displeasure – but too late. Rey took a few large, booming strides before launching herself forward, leaning her weight down onto the pole, which groaned and splinted under the additional weight as she was propelled through the air.

“Rey!” Kylo could only watch with mouth agape, already picturing the ways she would drop down into the ocean, or the pole would give way, or she’d slam into the other side of the cliff-face – unable to slow herself down.

He only let himself relax marginally once Rey gracefully reached a ledge on the other side of the cliff, the smooth descent in speed no doubt due to the aid of the Force. Even from here, he could see her amused grin, clearly entertained by his worry over her. He could already tell this girl was going to be the death of him…

Rey pulled the ridiculously long pole out of the water, focusing down at the water churning below, her tongue barely peeking out of her mouth as she scanned the water with all of her concentration. In a flash, she brought the spear down _hard,_ and could feel as the spear moved first through the light resistance of water, then felt as it pierced through the thick, hard scales of the poor, unsuspecting fish that would become tonight’s meal.

A few minutes later, and after another mini heart attack on Kylo’s part as she returned the way she had came, _with_ the extra weight of the fish, they were headed back down the path towards the huts, the fish she had just caught hung over her shoulder.

They had only made it partway down the path when Kylo came to a standstill. Without much thought, he had pushed Rey behind him and yanked his saber from his belt. Although, he had restrained himself enough not to ignite the saber just yet, focused on whatever threat he had perceived down the path – which Rey could not see from behind him.

“Ben, what-,” Rey shoved him out of the side, which wasn’t an easy task in of itself – she had already seen from that awkward encounter just how much of him was muscle. Her eyes landed on a familiar gaggle of creatures down the path, chattering away with one another as they hauled bags of who knows what along with them.

“Ben, you can relax.” Rey placed a hand atop his saber, pushing it back down to his side. “They’re not a threat.”

“What are they?” Kylo asked, not yet willing to put his weapon away.

The caretakers of the island had spotted them now, also coming to a standstill at the sight of the two of them. Their chattering had become louder, more excitable – quite the change from the usual hostile mutterings she hears from them whenever she is in sight.

“They’re the caretakers of this island,” Rey told him, gesturing to the small beings ahead. “They help to maintain the island, make sure everything is in order. Tending to the animals, the crops, making sure the huts aren’t damaged. You know, stuff like that.”

This seemed to appease Kylo, who steadily began lowering his weapon back down to his side. Though, he had to fight the urge to draw his saber back out again when the so-called ‘caretakers’ dropped the heavy looking bags to the ground and hurried over to them as fast as their little legs could carry them. In only a few seconds, the caretakers had surrounded Kylo, who looked wide-eyed to Rey, not knowing what in the Force was happening.

“Uh…” Kylo said awkwardly as the caretakers crowded around him. They poked and prodded incessantly at his clothing, more of that exciting chittering coming from their lips as they conversed amongst one another.

“I think you’ve piqued their interest,” Rey tells him, voice straining as she fights back laughter.

“Should I be worried?”

Rey shrugged at him. “Suppose it depends on if they figure out who you are.”

That didn’t make Kylo feel any better.

“They don’t get many visitors,” Rey pointed out somewhat sadly. “Before Luke, it had been so many _years_ before a Jedi had stepped foot on this island. Luke was all they had for a long while, then… then it was just me.”

“I’m not a Jedi, though.” Kylo pointed out. “They’re the caretakers of the island, right? Here to serve the Jedi that live here? That’s not me.”

“You’re as much as a Jedi as I am,” Rey argued, and quickly continued when Kylo had opened his mouth to argue back. “In fact, _you_ have had years more training than I have. I wouldn’t be surprised if they can sense that within you; the power, the history… Or… maybe they know you’re of Skywalker descent…”

“Maybe…” Kylo agreed, his voice a soft whisper in the wind. He glanced around intriguingly at the caretakers, taking note of how they seemed to give Rey a wide berth as they moved around him. “They don’t seem to care much for you, though.”

“Ah, well…” Rey felt her face begin to flush red. “We didn’t have the best of introductions…”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning… I destroyed some property of theirs – by accident!”

Rey could tell that the small twitch just under his bottom lip meant that Kylo was struggling to keep a straight face – but he was doing a pretty damn good job of it. “Did you at least apologize?”

“I tried!” Rey insisted. “There’s kind of a language barrier here, you know! I’m fairly certain I’m somehow managing to insult them even more…”

The caretakers had finally begun to calm down, no longer tugging at the silky material of Kylo’s cape. A few of them had puttered away to go and recollect the bags they had dropped down the path, whilst the others had stood back and were watching Rey and Kylo as they spoke. Maybe they _did_ understand more than what they had led Rey to believe…

“And _you’re_ scolding me about politeness? _You? Kylo Ren?”_

“I’m only impolite to those I need to be.”

“Oh really?” Rey’s voice dripped with sarcasm. “So who _are_ you polite to?”

“You.”

Rey clearly wasn’t buying it.

“In my defense, you make it very easy for me to make fun of you.”

“Uh-huh,” Rey’s tone made Kylo feel rather nervous. “And who else is deemed worthy of Kylo Ren’s politeness?”

“…My mother?”

Rey’s bark of laughter startled one of the retreating caretakers so much, the bag it had been carrying slipped from their hands and hurtled down the rocky cliffside into the ocean below.

Rey could already tell this grudge of theirs had now been extended…


	11. Update: Minor/Temporary Hiatus

Sorry guys, but this isn't an update. Just wanted to let you know this fic is gonna be going through a minor hiatus for a bit.

Any of you in the Supernatural/ Destiel fandom will understand why ha, the events of the last episode have... well, they've shaken me just a tad and have stolen nearly all of my attention span, so...

I don't want to force writing out when my mind isn't completely focused on this fic and then end up posting... garbage. So yeah, with Supernatural ending and recent events in said show, I won't be updating this fic for a bit. How long exactly, well... suppose it depends how quickly I can recover ha. 


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